Stand With You
by lovetheblazer
Summary: It's different when it happens right in front of you...close enough to watch the lights go out. Castle experiences this for himself when Beckett passes out after taking a bullet at the end of Knockout. What happens next? Caskett, of course.
1. The Lights Go Out

**I know, I know... I should be working on the next chapter of my other Castle fanfic, The Bulletproof Vest. But after that finale...and God, what a finale it was, this story just wouldn't get out of my head! This is one of the many takes on the events immediately following the end of Knockout (Episode 3 x 24). I've got a pretty good outline of where I want this story to go. I'm envisioning eight chapters. The first few will deal primarily with the medical side of Beckett's injury, with Castle refusing to leave her side for a second (although Beckett will also have a bit to do with this as you'll see in upcoming chapters). The story will also focus on the growing relationship between Castle and Beckett. I have a sneaking suspicion that Andrew Marlowe may have Beckett not be aware/not remember that Rick confessed his undying love to her due to passing out or the trauma of being shot and all. But in my version of the events, Kate will most definitely remain aware of what Castle said and will eventually have a confession of her own to make. The future of Caskett will most definitely play a big part in this story, particularly in the later chapters. I obviously don't own Castle, but if I did, here's how the first episode of season four would play out. And bonus - you don't have to wait until September to see what happens next :) **

_Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate? I love you. I love you, Kate._

"_It's different when it happens right in front of you...close enough to watch the lights go out."_

That's what Beckett had said after Castle witnessed Detective Raglan die on the floor of the coffee shop. And it was different. It was so much harder than writing about murders for all those years or even witnessing death close up at crime scenes. At the time, Castle had been shaken, and not just by having a front row seat to Raglan's death.

"_When I saw the blood on your shirt, I thought you'd been shot..."_

Castle had trailed off as he said this, unable to finish the thought. But in that moment when he thought Kate had been shot? His heart stopped beating. The world stopped turning. All of the oxygen went out of the atmosphere. And now, when he'd actually seen the blood on her gloves? Had seen the confirmation in the paleness of her face, had heard it in the way her breaths turned to shallow wheezes? Numb. He felt numb. This couldn't be happening. It was some kind of hell. A nightmare. His greatest fear realized.

And all of these thoughts? They had occurred to him in the seconds it took to register what he'd lost. What he could still lose. What he'd regret forever if he didn't say. Which lead him to...

"_Kate? I love you. I love you, Kate."_

Those were the last words Beckett heard before her world went black.

And there was Castle, holding Kate's head in his hands, close enough to watch the lights go out. Hopefully not for good.

**Sigh...that last scene in the finale was so beautifully played by Nathan and Stana. Just pitch perfect. I immediately thought back to Knockdown (Episode 3 x 13) and the line Beckett had about watching the lights go out and thought it applied beautifully to this scene. This is just the prologue. Chapter 1 is already written and uploaded. Do you want to read more? Please read and review!**


	2. Please

As Kate's eyes slid closed and her body went limp, Castle was sure his heart had stopped beating. After what felt like an eternity but in reality was only seconds, Castle worked up the courage to glance from her stunningly beautiful face to gaze at her chest. With his pulse pounding in his ears, Castle breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her chest continue to rise and fall with her shallow, rapid breaths. Castle stared at Beckett's beautiful face, silently willing her to come back to him.

Castle's adrenaline finally kicked in and he was startled from his silent vigil into action by the feel of Beckett's warm, sticky blood oozing from her gunshot wound and onto Castle's hand which was wrapped protectively around her right side. He steeled himself before gazing down at her shirt. The dark fabric muted the crimson flowing from her side, but Castle could clearly see that the damp spot had spread widely from its center and coated much of Beckett's shoulder, chest, and abdomen.

Castle sprung into action, first shifting his weight back onto his heels and then slowing easing Beckett from the ground so that her head and torso rested in his lap against his knees. Castle stripped off his black jacket, folding it into a thick square of material to serve as a makeshift bandage. Next, he carefully unbuttoned the top few buttons of Beckett's uniform, pulling the collar to the side to expose her chest and shoulder. Castle fought back a wave of nausea as he looked down and saw Kate's beautiful alabaster skin stained darkly with blood, a steady stream continuing to pour from a bullet wound just below Kate's right collarbone and just above her breastbone.

Castle glanced back to Kate's face, hoping, praying that she would show some flicker of life. Her skin seemed paler than it had mere moments before. Castle gently pushed back a lock of hair from her forehead. Her face felt cool and clammy, her forehead damp with a cold sweat. Castle knew she was losing too much blood. He grabbed his jacket and placed it directly over the bullet wound, holding if tightly against the wound with the palm of his hand. He leaned forward a bit, allowing him to put all of his weight into applying as much pressure as he possibly could.

Castle's eyes jumped back to Kate's face as he heard her let out a whimpering sigh while he applied pressure to the wound. The sound brought both a stab of pain to Castle's gut as he realized he was hurting Beckett and nearly caused his heart to leap out of his chest at the thought of Kate regaining even minimal consciousness.

His left hand immediately went to her cheek and stroked it as he called out to her.

"_Kate? Honey, can you hear me? Kate, I need you to open your eyes. Come on, Kate. Please honey, come back to me. Open your eyes. You can do it."_

Another whimper from Beckett. Her eyes remained closed, but as Castle watched, her forehead crinkled in an expression of pain. Her breaths remained shallow, her chest rising and falling rapidly with her erratic breaths.

"_Please... Kate, please. Open your eyes,"_ Castle pleaded with the woman in his arms.

Kate grimaced, but still her eyes remained closed. As Castle watched, Beckett's left hand tightened into a fist before slowly reaching to grasp the front of Castle's shirt, her fingers clawing at the fabric, desperately trying to ground herself. Castle reached up and brushed back the hair from Kate's temple before stroking her cheek once again, continuing to talk in a low, soothing voice while trying to gently rouse Kate to consciousness.

"_Kate...sweetheart, I'm right here, okay? You're going to be okay. There's help on the way. I know it hurts, Kate, but I really need you to open your eyes. Please...please, Kate,"_ Castle was practically begging now, perilously close to tears again.

All Beckett could feel was pain. White hot agony. Her chest was on fire. Every time she drew a breath, the agony started anew. She was just on the edge of consciousness. Her body felt weighted down...heavy. She was so cold and tired. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, to hide from this pain that took her breath away and made her feel as if she was being tossed about at sea, unable to get her bearings.

But something kept invading her thoughts. She wanted to rest so badly, but something kept pulling her back towards to surface. At first it was a small sensation. A warm hand on the back of her neck. But then she began to feel other things. The feel of something warm and solid beneath her. A gentle hand that brushed through her hair and stroked her cheek. There were noises too. Too soft to make out at first but with time they got louder. More insistent. Something or someone was begging...pleading. Despite the tone, something in the voice made her feel safe. Loved. At ease.

The voice was saying something to her again. The voice called her Kate. Then honey. Then sweetheart. People mostly called her Detective or Beckett. Her dad called her Katie, not Kate. No one called her those names. The only person that ever called her those names was her mother. Her mother was dead.

Wait, was she dead too? She remembered a funeral. There was a muted sound. A shout. Then pain. A gun, there must have been a gun. Maybe she was dead. Then the voice...could it be her mother's? Was she in heaven? But why was she in pain then? The voice was insistent. She needed to open her eyes. But her eyes were so heavy. Didn't the voice know how hard opening her eyes would be?

She needed a connection to the surface, because Kate could feel herself slipping. Kate focused on her body. Her eyes were too heavy, so what could she move? Her hand? Kate focused all of her energy on her left hand. She pulled her fingers inward, making a fist. Still wasn't enough. Kate could feel herself slipping again. She needed something solid. Something to hold on to, an anchor. She slowly opened her hand stretching her fingers, hoping for something. Anything solid. Her fingers brushed against something soft and warm. She stretched even farther, until she could grip the soft fabric, her fingers clawing to find a hold. She tightly grasped the fabric in her hands and waited, ready to follow the sound of the voice.

"_Kate? Honey, it's me. It's Rick. Please sweetheart, open your eyes for me okay? I need you to stay with me."_

Castle could see that Kate was stirring little by little. He didn't know how much she could hear or understand. But he kept talking to her, pleading with her to stay with him. Just as he had when they'd been locked in the freezer and near death. It wasn't much but it was all he had at the moment.

Kate was listening carefully to the voice. This time, she could make out what he had to say.

"_Honey, it's me. It's Rick."_

Rick! The voice wasn't her mother. She wasn't dead, at least not yet. Her partner was calling out to her, begging her to stay with him. And in that moment, there was nothing Kate wanted more than to open her eyes and stay with Castle until help arrived.

She fought with everything in her power to lift her eyelids. God, why was it so hard? But she could feel his warm, soft shirt so she gripped with all her might. She could also feel Castle's hand, strong and warm as it brushed against her temple. She felt him cup her cheek and call to her once again.

"_Kate, please. Please, honey. Open your eyes."_

And with that, Kate slowly opened her eyes, blinking in the bright sun, before her eyes found Castle.

Castle broke into a small smile as Kate gazed up at him.

"_Welcome back, Kate. Stay with me this time, okay?"_

Kate could only nod slightly, but the relief was immediately evident on Castle's face.

She was back. She was with him. They could do this. They could do anything, as long as they had each other.

**So, what do you think so far? I hope you are enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I'm hoping to post at least one more chapter in the next 24 hours. But let's make it more interesting. I've got two Castle fanfics in progress at the moment. This one and one called The Bulletproof Vest which explores a similar story with a role reversal (meaning Castle is the one shot in the line of duty this time...although this was written a few months ago before the events of the finale took place). I've also got another plot bunny churning around in my head at the moment. In this story, Castle and Beckett are working late one night when Castle gets a call from a very sick Alexis who is home alone. Beckett drives Castle home to check on Alexis and the three of them end up taking a late night trip to the ER together. Castle's in worried dad mode, Beckett is trying to take care of Alexis and Castle, and the three of them bond, causing Castle to realize something about his future and what he wants with Beckett. Anyways, please review and tell me the following. 1) How are you liking Stand With You so far? 2) What should I write next? Are you ready for the next chapter of Stand With You? Or would you rather I write the next chapter in The Bulletproof Vest. What about the new story idea (title TBD)? Does it sound like an interesting idea? Do you want me to start it next? Please read and review! I want to service all three of these stories eventually, but I'll leave it up to your votes to decide which I'll do next. **


	3. Fear Does Not Exist in This Dojo

**Yay, thanks for the reviews! This fic is definitely going to be my top priority for awhile, as the ideas just keep coming. I've started reading other people's takes on the post-finale events, and there are some amazing, incredibly creative stories out there. Can I just say that I'm not entirely sure what you see in my blindingly average take on the genre? But I appreciate the love nonetheless! We're going to start seeing and hearing from other characters in the next few chapters... Lanie, Alexis, Martha, Esposito, and Ryan. Eventually even Nikki Heat will make an appearance (trust me, you don't want to miss that part). But ultimately, this story is about Kate and Rick and how they handle their future together, so I promise not to take you away from them for too long :) **

"_Welcome back, Kate. Stay with me this time, okay?"_

Kate could only nod her agreement, but that nod had been nothing short of a miracle to Castle. Hell, it might even beat their kiss. Sure, that had been beyond hot and quite possibly one of the best (and scariest) moments of his life. But now, knowing that she had a chance...that he had literally pulled her back from...death, or something damn close to it, well he didn't even have a word for how that felt.

Castle looked down at Becket, trying hard not to look at the black jacket covering her chest that Castle could tell was quickly becoming saturated with her blood. He knew that the her situation was getting more serious with each second that ticked away. He could see it in her face, but especially in her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes usually sparkled with life, but Castle could see that they were glazed over with pain and exhaustion, the dark circles underneath them only serving to highlight the life that was slowing bleeding out of her. Her brow was still wrinkled in pain, but beneath her half-lidded eyes, Castle could see Beckett watching him intently.

Castle reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Kate'e ear. He studied her face carefully as he spoke.

"_Kate honey, how you doing? You hanging in there?" _he asked worriedly.

Again, Kate could only nod at first. She slowly drew in a shuddering breath before parting her lips in an attempt to speak.

"_Castle.." _she whispered, her voice shaky and unsure.

"_Yeah, Kate?" _asked Castle, leaning his head closer to make out what she was saying.

Castle waited expectantly, sure that more words would follow. Instead, he watched as Kate slowly released the death grip that she had on the front of his shirt. Slowly, painfully, she reached her arm up until she had wrapped her fingers around Castle's forearm. His hand continued to apply pressure to the gunshot wound to her chest while her fingers dug into his arm, seemingly gripping with all her remaining strength.

He looked from her hand digging possessively into his arm and back to her face, just as her eyes started to drift shut again. In seconds, he had shifted his attention back to stroking her cheek, calling out to her as he did so to rouse her back to consciousness.

"_Kate. Kate! Sweetheart, you've got to keep your eyes open. Come on, honey. Look at me. Please Kate, I know it hurts but stay with me for just a few more minutes, okay?"_

Kate groaned and slowly dragged her eyes open once again, using her firm grip on Castle's arm to pull her back to the surface.

"_God, Castle looked bad,"_ she thought to herself.

She could see unshed tears shining in his eyes, and he looked as if he might vomit at any moment. Kate couldn't help but wonder what had gotten him so riled up, before the pain in her chest reminded her of the stakes.

"_Right," _she thought again. She'd been shot, in the chest, no less. She tried to imagine how she'd feel if she'd had to watch Castle slowly bleeding to death. If she had to see him struggle to remain conscious, to cry out in pain as he gasped for breath. Kate shuddered slightly at the mere thought.

Castle watched Kate closely. Her eyes were open again, but she still seemed a million miles away. He watched her shudder suddenly and then notice she was shivering slightly.

"_Hey Kate, you're shaking. Are you cold" _he asked gently, his free hand running up and down her left arm in an attempt to give her some warmth.

Beckett nodded, her teeth chattering involuntarily as she did so. It was hard to describe how she felt. She wasn't cold like she had been after being stuck in the freezer a few weeks ago. That cold had been painful and cut right through her. This cold had somehow settled into her bones. Beckett could still feel the warmth of the sun on her face, but that warmth could not touch the chill that seemed to be coming from within. She vaguely remembered something from her first aid training about shock and had a sneaking suspicion that cold was not good, but Kate didn't focus on that worry for very long. She couldn't seem to focus on anything very long. Except Castle's face.

If Kate had ever doubted how Castle felt about her, she wouldn't, couldn't doubt that his feelings for her were very real after seeing his face. And Kate hated to admit it, even to herself, but she couldn't imagine how she would have gotten through the week without him. Knowing that her mother's murderer was out there. Hearing that Captain Montgomery had been involved. Seeing the pain in the Captain's face as she forgave him. The terror of literally being pulled away from Roy, knowing what was at stake. Seeing him draw his last breath. It was all too much to bear.

And that was before she'd been asked by Mrs. Montgomery to give the Captain's eulogy. Before she'd made a pact with her station family that Roy died a hero. Before she'd been shot. Before Castle had said those words. The words that changed everything.

"_Kate? I love you. I love you, Kate."_

Castle briefly tore his eyes from Kate's after witnessing her teeth chattering. His jacket was currently serving as a bandage, so he needed something else to cover her with. He looked up for the first time since the bullet had hit Beckett, noticing the chaos that had been occurring all around him while he was oblivious, having eyes only for Kate.

As he looked up, he saw Lanie running for him, carrying a black bag with Esposito right on her heels. Most of the other funeral guests had dispersed. From a distance, Castle couldn't tell whether they were still cowering beneath their seats or whether they'd been moved to a more secure location.

Lanie reached them first and was immediately on her knees beside Castle, taking in the sight of Beckett wrapped protectively in Castle's arms. Esposito glanced down briefly at Kate, wincing as he took in her bloodied chest and pain-stricken face. He quickly looked away and scanned the area, his gun drawn and tracking across the horizon.

Castle was the first to speak, the words tumbling out in a panicked rush.

"_Lanie, I tried to get to her before she was shot, but I was too late. She's...oh god, Lanie. What do we do?"_

Lanie gave Castle a sharp look before speaking firmly, calmly, although her shaking hands betrayed how she truly felt at seeing her best friend bleeding on the ground.

"_Castle...we're just going to keep doing what you've been doing already. We've called an ambulance and it should be here any minute. Now, let's take a look. Thank god I thought to bring my bag, just in case one of the family members passed out from grief or something."_

Lanie's voice turned soft as she addressed Kate directly, her hand squeezing Kate's good shoulder as she did so.

"_Alright girl, let's see what we've got here. You just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can you? Good thing Writer Boy here has done enough book research to know to put pressure on a gunshot wound. Javi, can you grab a few gauze pads out of my bag and open them for me? Biggest ones you can find, please."_

As Esposito dug into her black bag and started pulling out supplies, Castle shifted his hand off of Kate's wound slightly, expecting that Lanie would want to more closely examine it before taking over for him.

"_Castle, don't move your hand. Keep applying as much pressure you can. I'm just going to layer a few gauze pads over your jacket since it seems to be getting..." _Lanie trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence and let Kate know that she'd managed to bleed through a thick suit coat in mere minutes.

Castle shifted his hand back onto the wound, leaning in to put more weight onto the wound. In seconds, Lanie had slipped several gauze pads underneath his hand and on top of the jacket and pressed her own hand on top of Castle's, encouraging him to put more pressure on the wound.

Kate gasped, then moaned in pain as the hand covering her wound shifted, pushing down even harder than before. A single tear slowly tracked down her cheek as the pain increased tenfold, making it more of a struggle than ever to draw a breath. She dug her nails into Castle's arm as she attempted to hold onto consciousness.

Castle's other hand went to her cheek in a second, wiping away the tear as he spoke to her in a low, soothing voice.

"_Shh...Kate, I'm sorry. That was my fault. I know it hurts, but we're trying to keep you from losing too much blood. Lanie's here now. We're going to get you to the hospital soon. Just keep hanging in there, okay? You're doing great."_

Lanie watched the two of them carefully as she slipped a portable pulse oximeter on Beckett's finger and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her good arm. She was shocked at what a calming effect Castle had on Beckett, who immediately stilled at the sound of his voice. Lanie was also a bit shocked to see Castle touching Beckett's cheek so gently. And even more surprised to see Beckett respond to his touch so positively. It was clear the pair were made for each other, but Kate wasn't someone who let people in easily. The Captain had been like a surrogate father to Beckett and Lanie knew how painful it had been for Kate to lose him. After Roy's death, Lanie fully expected Kate to retreat from the world again, to bury herself in her work and keep everyone, even Castle, especially Castle, at arm's length.

Lanie was brought back to the present by the sound of the much too rapid beeping emanating from the pulse oximeter. She looked down at the digital display. Beckett's heart rate was 140. That was way too high. Her pulse should be somewhere in the 60-80 beats per minute range, especially for a woman in as good of shape as Beckett was. Kate was clearly tachycardic. Probably going into early shock. More concerning was her oxygenation, which currently read at 72%. Lanie wished desperately that she had brought portable oxygen with her. She grabbed her stethoscope and quickly listened to Kate's chest. Beckett's breath sounds were good on her left side, even though her respirations remained a little rapid and shallow. The right side of her chest was another story. Her breath sounds were muted, sounding if there was a fluid build-up muffling her breath sounds. The right side of Kate's chest barely rose in comparison to the other side, suggesting a collapsed or collapsing lung.

Next, Lanie read Kate's blood pressure manually, inflating the cuff and slowly watching the numbers trend down. It took her two tries to get a read on the blood pressure, suggesting Kate's blood pressure was dangerously low. Finally, Lanie got a clear reading of 80/60. Together, Beckett's vitals told a grim story. Kate was going into shock, likely due to uncontrolled bleeding. She also wasn't getting enough oxygen due to the injury to her chest that had caused a fluid build-up, possibly leading her lung to collapse. She needed an ambulance and probably a trauma surgeon ASAP.

Lanie looked up to see Castle watching her worriedly. He gave her a questioning look, obviously wanting to know how Beckett was doing, medically speaking. In all honesty, Lanie had no idea how Kate was even conscious given the blood loss and lack of oxygen she'd sustained so far. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She glanced down and watched Kate continue to wrap her fingers possessively around Castle's forearm, her fingernails digging into his skin in what was an undoubtedly painful grip. Kate was clearly fighting hard to stay awake, to keep responding to Castle.

Lanie had seen the same phenomenon during residency. Two people would come in with two identical wounds, but only one person would survive. Often the person who made it had something to fight for. A child. A husband. A best friend that wouldn't let him or her give up. And while Beckett had always been a fighter and was one of the strongest people Lanie had ever known, she doubted that Kate would have held on this long for anyone else. But Castle had been ready to take a bullet for Kate. And that, frankly, was a man worth fighting for.

Lanie leaned down to Kate, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze as she did so.

"_Sweetie, you are doing really well. We're going to have you out of here in seconds. You just keep holding on to Writer Boy's arm, okay? You don't have to talk, but keep your eyes open for us."_

Castle continued to look at Lanie questioningly until she leaned over to whisper directly to him.

"_Castle look, you've got to hold it together here, okay? You're the only thing keeping her conscious at the moment. She's starting to go into shock, but if she can just hold on until the paramedics get here, we can get some fluids and oxygen into her and keep her alive long enough to get to the hospital. But she's watching you, so if you panic, she's going to panic too. Got it?"_

Rick took a deep breath and nodded. Hearing Lanie say that Kate was going into shock was enough to turn his blood cold. Wait...cold?

Rick looked down at Kate again and noticed her teeth were still chattering slightly.

"_Shit," _he muttered under his breath. He turned to Esposito.

"_Esposito, I need your jacket," _Castle commanded.

Esposito pulled it off without a word, passing it to Castle with one hand, his other hand still wrapped tightly around his gun, his eyes continuing to scan the perimeter for some unseen threat.

Castle leaned over Kate, tucking Esposito's jacket under her chin and covering her left shoulder and chest, while leaving her wounded right side accessible. He rubbed her left arm again, trying to give a little warmth to her body.

Castle briefly turned back to Esposito. _"Thanks, man. She's shivering, so hopefully your jacket will help." _

Esposito nodded, his focus still on the lookout for any sign of the shooter. Castle watched him scan the area, which triggered a series of questions about what had happened and the immediate aftermath.

"_Esposito? Did you guys catch the shooter? Did you get a look at him?"_

Esposito shook his head.

"_No, Castle. Ryan went after him, but the shooter must have had a getaway driver, because he was out of here in seconds. I'm just keeping a lookout for anything suspicious, just in case."_

Castle nodded. He felt Kate's hand squeeze his arm tightly as he asked about the shooter and realized she'd been wondering the same thing.

More questions filled Castle's head, but one in particular left him panicked.

"_No one else was hurt, right? I didn't hear any other gunshots, but.. Oh god, where are Alexis and Martha? We need to get them out here."_

"_They're both fine Castle. We cleared the guests. We sent them back to the loft with a black and white. We'll keep a protective detail on them until we catch the son-of-a-bitch that did this."_

Castle let out a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out of his iPhone. He knew his girls would be worried sick. He typed out a quick text to Alexis.

"_Hey sweet pea, everything's going to be okay. I love you and Gram. Esposito told me he sent you home with an officer. I want both of you to stay put for now, okay? Stay away from windows. Text me every few hours so that I know you're okay. Promise me."_

Alexis wrote back only seconds later.

"_Dad! What happened? R U OK? Is Beckett? I heard the gun. Dad, we're freaking out!"_

Castle sighed deeply before responding.

"_I'm fine. Beckett's hurt, but she'll be okay too. I'm going to go with her to the hospital. I know it's scary, honey, but everything is going to be fine. The whole twelfth precinct is looking for the shooter, so they'll get him. I'll call you soon, I promise. Tell Gram I love her, and just stay by the phone."_

Alexis responded once last time.

"_Okay Dad. Love you. Take care of Beckett and call us as soon as you can."_

As Castle looked up from the phone, he heard the most beautiful sound in the world. The sound of sirens approaching them. The ambulance was finally here.

He looked down to Kate, stroking her hair as he spoke to her.

"_Kate, hear that? The ambulance is here. You did good. We're going to get you to the hospital now, okay?"_

Kate stirred and seemed to panic. She struggled to open her mouth as she dug her fingers into Castle's arm with all her strength.

"_Castle?" _she whispered, her voice hoarse and barely perceptible. _"Rick, don't leave me."_

"_What? Kate, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." _Castle reassured her.

Kate remained panicked. _"No Rick, please. Come with me. Don't leave."_

"_Shh, Kate. I'm right here. I'm going to be with you the whole time okay? You're not getting rid of me that easily." _Castle blurted out in a poor attempt to break some of the tension.

Kate's body finally calmed, just as the paramedics reached her and began to unpack supplies.

"_You'll...ride...with me? To the hospital? Rick, promise?" _Kate gasped out as a tall paramedic placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. She gripped his arm, continuing to hold on for dear life.

"_Kate sweetheart, anywhere you go, I'm coming with you. I'm not leaving your side, I promise."_

And with those words, Kate's eyes slid close once again as the darkness consumed her.

**Whew! That chapter took a little longer than I thought it would. It makes sense since it is double the length of the last chapter. I thought about splitting it up into two chapters, but figured you deserved a longer chapter for waiting so patiently. I'll give bonus points to anyone who can tell me which Castle episode this chapter title comes from. I'm starting on the next chapter tonight, but it may be tomorrow before I get it posted. Then again, reviews have been known to motivate me to write faster, so if you're dying for more, let me know! Thank for reading...you guys are the best!**


	4. Nothing is Forever

**Hello again to all my readers! So sorry that it has taken me a few days to update, but work has been absolutely crazy this week. I can't wait for 5 PM tomorrow, because then I will have the whole weekend to write! I want to give special shout-outs to NCISchick, govgal, Senuna, BlueTigress, youdontevenknowme07, & LittleLizzieZentara for submitting multiple reviews. You guys rock. And the winner of last chapter's trivia question goes to Keronshara for correctly identifying that the chapter title "Fear Does Not Exist in This Dojo" came from Knockdown when Kate told Rick to go home after he showed up at her apartment to help with the off the books investigation of her mother's case. **

**There will be a fair amount of medical lingo in the next few chapters and I'm striving to make it as accurate as possible. Some of the stuff I already know due to some health problems of my own which have resulted in 9 surgeries in the last 12 years (meaning I can draw on some of my personal experiences). I also used to volunteer in the ER for several years and am certified in advanced first aid, so hopefully that will come through in my writing. However, I'll try not to make it too technical and hopefully will balance out the medical stuff with lots of hurt/comfort goodness and Caskett-y relationship fun. Okay, let's get back to the story now, shall we?**

"_**Kate sweetheart, anywhere you go, I'm coming with you. I'm not leaving your side, I promise."**_

**And with those words, Kate's eyes slid close once again as the darkness consumed her. **

"_Kate? Kate! Oh god, Lanie. She's not... she won't... Is she...?" _Castle shouted in a blind panic, unable to finish any of the questions and say aloud what he feared most as if he would be daring it to come true. As he sat on the wet earth with Beckett cradled protectively in his arms, medics continued to swarm around Kate's still, pale, limp body.

Lanie put a steadying hand on Castle's shoulder.

"_Castle, calm down. We need to give them room to work. Look at her chest. She's still breathing. She just blacked out...probably from the pain or blood loss. The paramedics are here now, and they can help her. You've got to keep it together for her sake, okay? She's a fighter. You know that."_

Castle drew in a deep breath and nodded, returning his attention to gently stroking Kate's hair.

Lanie turned to the nearest paramedic to give him an update on Beckett's condition.

"_Hi, I'm Dr. Lanie Parrish, Chief NY Medical Examiner. This is Detective Beckett. She was shot approximately 12 minutes ago by a large caliber sniper rifle. She regained consciousness for about 10 minutes after the shooting and passed out again just as you were pulling up to the scene. I checked her vitals about five minutes ago. Heart rate was tachycardic in the 140's, BP 80/60, pulse ox was only 72%. The gunshot wound is to her right upper chest, and I suspect a tension pneumothorax due to decreased breath sounds on the right and poor oxygenation. She's going to need a hospital with a good trauma surgeon on call and maybe a cardiothoracic surgeon as well depending on her internal injuries."_

The paramedic gave a nod of confirmation and turned to his partner who was furiously scribbling notes from Dr. Parrish's report.

"_Hi, I'm John. Thanks, doctor. Okay Abby, let's start two large bore IVs and push fluids to keep her BP from bottoming out. I'm going to take a quick listen to her chest and then we'll load her up. I'm thinking we should take her to NYU Med since they've got a large trauma staff and it is relatively close. Sir, I want you to keep applying pressure to her chest wound for now, and we'll take over once we have her loaded up and in the ambulance."_

Castle nodded at the paramedic. _"I'm Rick Castle, and this is Kate. She means the world to me. Please tell me she's going to be okay."_

John paused briefly to make eye contact with Castle. _"Sir, I'm going to promise you that we'll do everything we possibly can to help her, okay?"_

He slid the earpieces of his stethoscope back into his ears and listened carefully to Beckett's breathing and lung sounds on each side. There were almost no breath sounds on her right side and beneath the oxygen mask, he could see that her lips were starting to take on a slightly bluish tint."

"_It definitely looks like a collapsed lung to me. We need to move now. Abby, what's her pulse ox?"_

The young paramedic looked up from taping down a second IV that she'd carefully placed in the crook of the detective's arm.

"_Pulse ox is at 68% and heart rate is 152."_

"_Shit!" _muttered Castle and Lanie in quick succession.

John did his best not to react to those vitals, although he knew without a doubt that they were very, very bad. Instead, he lowered the gurney to the lowest setting in preparation for loading Beckett into the ambulance.

"_Okay Abby, let's turn up the oxygen to 3 liters per minute and switch her to a non-rebreather mask. Let me know if her oxygenation drops any lower than that because we may have to intubate her. I'd really like to avoid that if I can though, because it might do more damage to her right lung if it has already collapsed." _

John turned to Mr. Castle. _"Okay sir, we need to move her onto the gurney. Can you help me slide her over? Try to keep pressure on her wound if you can."_

Castle gently slid his free hand underneath Kate's head and neck, supporting her upper body in the crook of his elbow. John slid an arm underneath her knees and another behind her lower back and they gently lifted her together while Abby trailed right behind them, carrying Beckett's IV bags and oxygen tank.

As they gently lowered her onto the gurney and began strapping her in place, Kate let out a soft moan, her eyes still shut tightly and her body still. Castle's right hand remained over her gunshot wound, applying firm steady pressure, but his left hand immediately went to her forehead, gently stroking her temple as he called out to her.

"_Kate? Can you hear me? Sweetheart, open your eyes for me, okay? Come on, Kate."_

Unfortunately, this time he got no response. Castle's heart sank and he hoped for the millionth time that day that he would get another chance to speak with her, to tell her how much she meant to him, to let her know exactly how he felt about her.

John and Abby finished securing her to the gurney and began to push it towards the waiting ambulance. Castle followed right beside them, his hand still firmly placed over the bullet wound to Kate's chest.

Lanie turned to Esposito and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. _"Javier, please be careful. I don't think I could take it if another person I love got hurt or killed this week. I'm going to ride with them to the hospital in case Kate starts to crash and they need a doctor. They are taking her to NYU Med. I know you and Ryan have to stay on the scene for now, but call me to give me an update when you can, okay? I love you."_

Javier surprised Lanie by pulling her back in for a tight hug. As he pulled back, he gently placed a kiss on her forehead. _"I love you too, Lanie. Take care of yourself. I'm going to send a couple of black and whites to be posted at the hospital with you and Beckett just in case the shooter tries to come back to hurt her or to hurt one of you to get at her. Keep me updated on Beckett, okay? She's a fighter, Lanie. Don't let them give up on her, alright?"_

Lanie gave him a sad smile. _"Please... have you seen Castle? He'd never give up on her. I think he is going to literally will her to stay alive. She'll pull through. I'll call you as soon as I know something." _And with that, Lanie took off at a jog to catch up to the stretcher carrying Beckett.

As they reached the ambulance, Abby helped John gently slide the gurney onto the ambulance lift, folding up the legs of the gurney as they did so. Castle was directed to climb in next so that he could continue to hold pressure on the wound as they slid the stretcher into place. Once Castle and Beckett were loaded in the ambulance and the stretcher was secured, Abby ran around front to start up the engine to the ambulance and call in a report to NYU's ER. John leaned forward and was just about to close the doors to the back of the ambulance when Lanie approached.

"_Dr. Parrish, we're headed to NYU Med. You can meet us there." _said John tentatively.

"_Like hell I will," _spoke Lanie forcefully. _"I'm riding with you."_

"_I'm sorry, doctor, but patients can only have one person accompany them. If Mr. Castle would rather drive and meet us there, then you can..."_

"_Not a chance," _spoke Rick with finality. _"Lanie, I promised her I wouldn't leave."_

"_I know, Castle. I don't expect you to get out. _Lanie turned and directed her attention to the young paramedic again. _"Look, what happens when you need to intubate her? How many intubations have you done before? I've done hundreds. Also, she'll need a needle decompression for her collapsed lung if her oxygen sats keep dropping before we can get her to the hospital. When was the last time you did one of those?"_

John felt his face go hot as the doctor questioned his training and experience. Sure, he looked young, but he'd been a paramedic for eight years now. He may not have done hundreds of intubations, but he'd certainly done dozens. But a needle decompression for a collapsed lung in the field? That scared him. He'd only done the procedure twice before and once had been on a high-tech practice dummy for medical simulations. He felt ill at the thought of having to do one with a doctor and famous author breathing down his neck, not to mention the danger of performing such a delicate procedure with a very green newbie driving the rig over bumpy roads. Yes, that was just a recipe for disaster. Screw protocol, he decided. I'm going to do what's best for my patient.

"_Fine," _John said somewhat reluctantly. _"But if you are going to treat her, I need a next of kin or emergency contact to sign a release form first."_

Lanie simply nodded and climbed into the ambulance. John tapped on the partition separating the treatment bay in the back and the driver's seat up front and shouted. _"Let's go, Abby. Lights and sirens all the way to NYU Med. Be sure to tell them to have a chest tube kit and trauma surgeon on standby for when we get there, okay? We're going to have to a procedure back here though, so try to keep the bumps to a minimum."_

"_Alright," _John started, turning back to his patient. _"I've got a few questions for you. First, is she on any medications?"_

Lanie nodded. _"She's on Ortho-Tricycline for birth control and she takes Imitrex for migraines."_

"_Okay," _nodded John while writing the information down. _"Any drug allergies?"_

Lanie shook her head. _"None that I know of..."_

Castle cleared his throat before speaking up. _"Actually, she's allergic to cephalosporins and penicillins."_

Lanie gave Castle a strange look. _"Really? I've been her best friend for ten years and had no idea. How do you know that?"_

"_Beckett told me a story about getting her tonsils out as a little girl. Afterwards they gave her Amoxicillin to prevent an infection and she broke out in hives and her throat started to swell up. She ended up having to stay in the hospital for two extra days and her mother made her wear oven mitts on her hands because she couldn't stop scratching at the hives. They did allergy testing when she was in the hospital and figured out that she was allergic to cephalosporins too. Apparently it is pretty common to be allergic to both if you are allergic to one of them."_

Lanie could only nod her head in amazement at Castle's response. It was so like him to remember little details like this about Kate.

"_Okay, next question," _said John. _"Are there any other major medical problems I should be aware of? Diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma? Any major surgeries besides the tonsilectomy?"_

Lanie responded, _"Yes, she had her appendix taken out three years ago, but other than that, she is healthy as a horse. No chronic illnesses or conditions."_

"_Great. Healthy is good. People who take care of themselves and are in good shape like her have a much lower risk of complications from an injury like this," _John said reassuringly. _"Just one last question for now. Who's her emergency contact? I'll need that person to sign this consent."_

Castle looked to Lanie expectantly, assuming that she was listed as Kate's emergency contact. Lanie looked at Castle, thinking the same thing about him. Finally, Lanie spoke up.

"_Hmm, I'm not 100% sure. I think she updated it fairly recently after she almost died of hypothermia. Long story..." _she added to the paramedic who looked very confused. _"I think she normally enters it in her cell under ICE for in case of emergency. Castle, have you seen her phone?"_

Castle reached down and gently extracted Kate's phone from her pants pocket. The cell phone was old and worn down, one of those cheap, pay-as-you-go burner phones. I'm going to have to bring her up to speed with 2011, thought Castle wryly. First she doesn't know what Twitter is and now she has quite possibly the only phone in America that you can ONLY use to make calls. After several seconds, he finally located the contacts button and began to scroll through the contacts until he made his way to ICE. He selected the contact in order to see more and was shocked to see his own cell phone number and address listed along with his name and her medication allergies.

Rick looked up at Lanie and John. _"Well, it looks like I'm her emergency contact. What do you need me to sign?" _

Lanie looked a bit surprised but said nothing. This is an interesting new development, she thought. Although it's lucky for Writer Boy because the hospital most likely wouldn't have released any information to him about Kate's condition without her listing him as her primary contact.

John pulled out a clipboard with several sheets of paper and a pen clipped to the top and leaned over the gurney, handing it to Castle.

Castle started to reach for it before realizing that one of this hands was still occupied with holding the now blood-soaked coat and gauze pads to Beckett's chest. Lanie recognized his dilemma and turned to John.

"_It looks like she's soaked through the bandage. Could I get a few more gauze pads so I can take over for Rick here? Do you have any gloves?"_

John nodded, pulling open a small drawer and ripping open five sterile gauze pads and stacking them one on top of the other. He also reached into another drawer and pulled out a pair of latex gloves.

"_I'm guessing you wear a medium. Will these work?"_

Lanie nodded and quickly pulled them onto her hands. She turned to Castle who was seated closest to Kate's head while she was sitting down near her feet. _"_

"_Okay Castle, I'm going to climb over you and slide these gauze pads on top." _Lanie slowly stood, her head hunched to avoid hitting her head against the low ceiling. She stepped over Castle's legs. Next, she carefully laid the gauze pads next to Castle's hand.

"_Okay, Castle. Lift your hand up and I'm going to slide these gauze pads over the bloody bandage."_

Castle did as he was told and Lanie seamlessly slid her hand over Kate's wound, continuing to apply firm, steady pressure. Castle scooted down the bench seat to give Lanie room to sit. He looked down to his lap to see his hand covered in Kate's blood. The look, feel, and smell of her blood on his hands made him feel sick to stomach.

John looked on sympathetically and handed him a moist towel to use to wipe off the blood. Castle quickly did so and took the clipboard from John in order to sign the paperwork. John turned his attention back to his patient, pushing several buttons to inflate the automatic blood pressure cuff to check the detective's blood pressure and then clipped a small pulse ox monitor to her index finger. He noticed the coolness of her skin as he connected the monitors and reached into an overhead cabinet to retrieve a bag of IV saline from the warmer, hoping that bringing her temperature up might slow down her descent into shock. He was just finishing connecting the new bag of warmed saline to one of her IV ports when the alarm on the pulse ox monitor went off.

John, Castle, and Lanie all looked up simultaneously, panicking as they read her vital signs. Pulse ox: 65% and heart rate 156. Seconds later, a second alarm sounded, this one coming from the blood pressure monitor. The monitor readout simply said "Error, cannot get reading."

John immediately pulled open the remaining buttons on the detective's uniform, exposing her chalky white skin that had been stained with blood. He slid the stethoscope back into his ears and carefully listened to her chest, starting with her right side. He waited for several seconds breathlessly before concluding that Beckett's right lung was no longer moving any air at all. The left side of her chest was rising and falling at an alarming rate and it appeared as if her left lung was hyper-inflated in an attempt to compensate for the damaged right lung. He glanced up front and through the windshield, taking in their surroundings. They were at least seven minutes from NYU and Detective Beckett clearly did not have that long before she would go into cardiac arrest due to lack of oxygen.

Lanie was the next to move into action. _"John, how does her chest sound? What are we dealing with here? Is it still her lung or is she starting to go into an arrhythmia?"_

"_I'm not getting any breath sounds at all on the right and her left lung is hyper-inflating to try to compensate. She's still tachycardic but I don't hear an arrhythmia just yet. We're still 7-10 minutes out from NYU and her heart can't take that long without oxygen."_

Lanie glanced at her friend's pale, lifeless body and felt her heart racing at the thought of losing her. She shook her head as if to clear the image from her memory, took a breath, and steeled herself to see Kate as she would any other nameless patient.

"_Okay, here's what we're going to do. Castle, I want you to take over for me and put pressure on her wound. John, let's go ahead and put on the portable defibrillator pads and hope we don't need them. I'm going to need some betadine, gauze, tape, and a 22 gauge syringe so I can do a needle decompression. It won't hold her for long, but hopefully it will bring her oxygen up enough for us to get her to the hospital without her going into cardiac arrest."_

Castle carefully climbed over Lanie and slid his hand to replace Lanie's over Kate's gunshot wound, just as Lanie had done only minutes earlier. He felt so helpless sitting there, knowing the only thing he could do to help was to hold her hand and pray that she'd make it. He brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead with one hand before intertwining Kate's small, cold hand with his. He leaned forward so that his mouth was just inches from her ear and began talking to her in a low, soothing voice.

"_Kate, you've got to stay with us, okay. Honey please, I can't lose you. Not like this. Kate, you are a fighter. You are the toughest, bravest woman I've ever met and don't you forget it. That's why you've got to keep fighting, okay? There are so many people that love you Kate, and they couldn't take it if something happened to you. Sweetheart, I love you. I need you to come back to me. Please, Kate. Please?" _Castle broke off in a sob, his eyes filling with tears at the thought of losing her. He closed his eyes briefly and took several deep breaths, trying to quiet his racing thoughts and shaking body. Kate needed him. He needed to be strong for her. He couldn't break down when she needed him most.

Lanie set the supplies out on a small tray. She turned to John who nodded to indicate that he was ready. She opened a sterile swab and used it to spread Betadine on a small area over the intercostal space between two of Kate's ribs. Lanie gently poked the soft flesh of Kate's chest until she found the landmark she was looking for. She kept one finger over the injection site as she reached down to uncap the large syringe with her other hand. Taking a deep breath, she brought the needle down hard, driving it through the tough cartilage surrounding her ribs and sliding it into the pleural space that surrounded her lung. She slowly drew back on the syringe, draining blood that had been filling the space around Kate's lung until the pressure was so great that it collapsed her lung. She drained about 50cc of blood when suddenly she heard Kate draw in a gasping breath and open her eyes.

Castle had been watching the procedure, holding his breath while he waited to see if it would work, if it would be enough to help her breathe until they could get her to the hospital. Suddenly, he heard Kate draw in a gasp and looked down to see her eyes fly open, though they were cloudy with confusion and pain as she attempted to take in her surroundings.

Beckett's eyes scanned the surroundings, taking in the many tubes and wires attached to her, the incessant beeping of some kind of monitor and a very worried looking Lanie looking down at her, holding a large syringe that was embedded in her chest. Kate heard the beeping from the monitor getting faster and faster as she started to panic, not seeing the one face that put her at ease.

"_Lanie..." _Beckett gasped out. _"Oh god, what...where's...Castle?"_ In her panic, Kate tried to lift her head off the pillow in order to see where she was. Three pairs of strong hands were on her at once, holding her body firmly against the gurney.

"_Hey Kate, I'm right here honey," _spoke a quiet, soothing voice from behind her while a warm hand gently squeezed her own cold, shaking hand.

Kate slowly turned her head, her eyes finally landing on Castle, his normally lively face looking pale, drawn, and worried as he gave her a sad smile. Again, Kate tried to lift her head and reach for him, but his gentle hand slowly pushed her back down to the mattress.

"_Kate, you're in the ambulance. You've been shot. Don't try to get up, honey. It's going to be okay. We're almost to the hospital. I won't leave you, I promise. Just try to relax and breathe right now, okay? Everything's going to be fine."_

A single tear trickled down Beckett's cheek as Castle tried to reassure her in a low, soothing voice. She glanced down at her chest and again noticed the large syringe sticking out of the right side of her chest. Lanie was wrapping gauze around the base of the syringe and carefully taping it securely to her chest. Kate drew in a sharp breath and again tried to sit up.

Castle's hand was on her arm again in seconds, holding her still.

_Kate please, don't try to get up. You're going to hurt yourself. Just let the paramedic and Lanie take care of you, okay?" _Castle commanded a bit more forcefully this time.

"_Castle?" _whispered Beckett, her eyes slipping closed.

"_Yeah Kate? Do you need something?"_

Kate opened her eyes slowly, looking up to his worried face.

"_Castle...I can't...breathe. I need to...sit up. Help me..."_

Castle's worried eyes flew from Kate to look at Lanie questioningly. Lanie nodded, and responded to Beckett.

"_Okay, Kate. We're going to raise the head of the gurney, so you don't need to do any of the work. Just lay there and we'll get you up."_

John reached for the lever on the side of the gurney and slowly lifted the head of the stretcher until Kate was propped up in a near sitting position.

"_How's that, Kate? Is it getting any easier to breathe?" _asked Castle worriedly.

Kate nodded slightly. _"A little bit," _she whispered. Suddenly, her face contorted with pain and she her eyes squeezed shut, causing tears to stream down her cheeks. She remained motionless for several seconds, her face tightened in pain and her breaths coming in short gasps. Kate reached up for her oxygen mask and pulled it down around her neck, slowly opening her eyes to look at Castle as she did so.

"_Rick...it...oh god...it hurts," _cried Kate desperately, struggling to get the words out between gasps of air.

Castle's face crumpled at her cries, a single tear escaping his eye and falling onto his cheek. He gently reached up and replaced the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth before reaching down to stroke her hair.

"_Shh...Kate, I know. I know how bad it hurts, sweetheart, but you are doing great. We're almost to the hospital. Just squeeze my hand, okay?" _he finished, sliding his free hand back into hers.

Castle turned to Lanie and John frustratedly. _"She's hurting so much. Can't you give her something for the pain? This is torture watching her go through this."_

John shook his head sadly. _"Look, I know this seems inhumane, but she's barely breathing at the moment and pain medications tend to depress the respiratory system. If we give her painkillers, she would probably pass out again and then we'd end up having to intubate her. As soon as we get her to the hospital and they put in the chest tube, they'll be able to give her pain medications and sedate her if necessary. Just keep talking to her and keep her calm, okay?"_

Kate continued to tightly grasp Castle's hand, holding onto it like the lifeline that it truly was. She felt dizzy from the pain, lightheaded from lack of oxygen, and woozy from the blood loss. The only thing anchoring her to the ground, to reality, was him. She could hear the familiar buzzing in her ears that signaled that the blackness was coming once more. Earlier, she had welcomed this escape from the pain. But now, all she could think about was the feel of Castle's warm hand in hers and her strong desire to stay in the light with him. She was scared that if she went back into the darkness, she might never find her way back out. Rick was her partner, her best friend, her confidant, her plucky sidekick, her supporter and champion, and most of all, the man that promised that he would be there, that he would have her back, always. Always. That was a big promise to make, especially since they both knew nothing is forever. But for now, Kate would try her best to stay in the light and Castle would not leave her side, would not stop fighting for her, and would be there for her. Always.

**Whew! These chapters just keep getting longer and longer. Hopefully, you won't mind that too much! So, how did I do with this chapter? Too technical? Not enough Caskett? Or did I get the balance right in this chapter? I'm going to try to post another chapter tomorrow night since I've got rough outlines for the next 3-4 chapters, but I really want some feedback from you, dear readers, before I put up the next chapter (hint, hint). Please tell me what you liked about this chapter, what you didn't like, and anything you would want to see happen in upcoming chapters as I'm always open to plot suggestions Thanks for reading (and reviewing)!**


	5. Any Port in a Storm

**Hello again friends! As promised here is the next chapter. Sorry for the long wait, but it took a little while for inspiration to strike again. The good news is that I've already gotten the next 3 chapters figured out and am really excited by what's ahead for the Caskett relationship. This chapter and the next will probably be the most intense in terms of Beckett's medical issues and life and death stakes, but that's not to stay that there won't still be some bumps in the road up ahead during her recovery.**

_**Rick was her partner, her best friend, her confidant, her plucky sidekick, her supporter and champion, and most of all, the man that promised that he would be there, that he would have her back, always. Always. That was a big promise to make, especially since they both knew nothing is forever. But for now, Kate would try her best to stay in the light and Castle would not leave her side, would not stop fighting for her, and would be there for her. Always.**_

Castle and Lanie simultaneously let out a huge sigh of relief as the ER entrance of NYU Med finally came into view. Despite the odds, Kate had managed to retain consciousness for the remainder of the ambulance ride, thanks to the coaxing of one Rick Castle. The needle decompression, while not a long-term solution for Kate's collapsed lung, had managed to bring her O2 sats back up to 75%, a marked improvement over the 65 % oxygen saturation that Beckett had been at mere minutes before. However, despite pouring fluids into her, Beckett's blood pressure remained so low as to be barely detectable.

Within seconds of stoppping the ambulance, Abby, the paramedic driving the rig, managed to sprint around to the back of the ambulance and swing open the doors, revealing the attending trauma surgeon and two ER nurses standing at the ready to receive their critical patient. They quickly unloaded the gurney from the ambulance and headed towards an open trauma room. Castle helped push Kate's gurney with one hand while his other hand continued to put steady pressure on her gunshot wound. As they speedily moved down the corridor, Lanie began to give her report to the trauma attending.

"_Hi, I'm Dr. Lanie Parrish, NYPD Medical Examiner for the 12__th__ Precinct. This is Detective Kate Beckett, a 32 year old female who sustained a gunshot wound to the right upper chest from a large caliber sniper rifle approximately 20 minutes ago. No major medical conditions. Her only regular meds are Ortho-Tricycline and Imitrex. She's allergic to cephalosporins and penicillins. I'd estimate blood loss at the scene to be just over one liter. Her BP is bottoming out. Last readable pressure was 80/60 about 10 minutes ago. Heart rate is tachycardic in the 150s. Her pulse ox dropped to 65% in route, so I had to perform a needle decompression to relieve the pressure from a tension pneumothorax to the right lung. Pulse ox rose to 75% after the decompression and seems to be holding steady for now." _

Lanie spit out her report at a rapid rate with authority, feeling as if she was talking about some random stranger and not her best friend. It was just too hard to think about it being Kate, her best friend whose body had sustained the litany of injuries that she'd just listed. At the moment, Lanie knew she had to distance herself, if only to keep from breaking down completely. There would be time for that later. Once Kate was out of the woods, Javier could hold her while she let the tears pour out. But for now, her best friend was conscious and had to be incredibly scared and in tremendous pain, so Lanie's only goal was to keep her calm and reassure her that she would recover.

A trauma surgeon whose white coat read Dr. Sweeney nodded appreciatively at the medical examiner's detailed but concise report. He turned to the younger of the two ER nurses.

"_Jenny, did you manage to get all of that down?" _Doctor Sweeney asked.

Jenny nodded while continuing to scribble furiously. _"Yes, I think I got that all. Do we need to notify next of kin or are you...?" _she asked, her voice trailing off as she looked to the tall, good-looking man who silently kept pressure on the detective's wound, his worried eyes never leaving her face for more than a few seconds.

Castle briefly looked up at the young nurse. _"Yes, I'm her emergency medical contact and her father should be meeting us here soon so you won't need to worry about notifying anyone."_

The group rounded the corner and reached an open trauma room. Already, there was another ER doctor and an additional nurse in the room, hurriedly readying equipment, hanging IV bags, and drawing up medications into syringes.

Dr. Sweeney turned to Lanie and Castle and spoke. _"Okay everyone, this is our stop. If you could head out to the waiting room, a nurse is going to give you some paperwork to fill out and I'll be out with an update as soon as I get her stabilized."_

Castle was the first to speak. He did so with a quiet authority that seemed to dare anyone to come between him and Kate. _"Look, she's an NYPD homicide detective and I'm her partner. She just survived what was basically an assassination attempt in broad daylight. We haven't caught the shooter yet, so she is still in real danger. We're setting up a protective detail, but at least one of us from the 12__th__ Precinct needs to be with her at all times. So, wherever she goes, I go too. Got it?"_

Dr. Sweeney waved him off quickly, not wanting to waste valuable time when his patient was so critical. _"Okay, okay, one of you can stay back here with her, but try to stay out of the way so that we can treat her."_

Castle nodded in satisfaction. He turned to Lanie and started to speak. _"Lanie, I need to...I promised her.."_

"_Shh, Castle. It's fine. She needs you right now, not to mention that I don't think you could pry her arm away from her right now even if you tried," _Lanie joked as she looked down at the death grip Kate kept on Castle's arm which already bore dozens of red, half moon indentations from Kate repeatedly digging her fingernails into Castle's arm. _"I'm going to head out to the waiting room to fill out the paperwork and call Esposito to see if he has an update on the protective detail. I'll also check in to see who's going to bring in Beckett's dad to the hospital since I know he's got to be worried sick. You come get me the second you know anything though, you hear me?" _Lanie asked determinedly.

Castle nodded and with one last look, he and Kate disappeared from Lanie's view into the trauma room as the door swung shut behind them. As Castle pushed the gurney into the center of the room, he marveled at the organized chaos all around him as doctors and nurses swarmed around Kate's body in a flutter of synchronized activity. As he watched, a nurse carefully cut away the remainder of Kate's clothing, carefully working around the jacket and blood-soaked gauze that Rick continued to hold tightly against Kate's wound. As soon as her clothing was cut away, another nurse covered her with a large, threadbare hospital gown, sliding her uninjured left arm through the arm hole while unsnapping the right shoulder of the gown, allowing the medical team easy access to her wounded right side. Another nurse systematically detatched Kate from the paramedic's portable monitors and reconnected her to an impressive array of IV tubes and monitor leads. Within seconds, she was ready to be moved from the paramedic's portable gurney and onto the hospital's gurney which sat just next to the paramedic's gurney.

"_Alright everyone," _Dr. Sweeney called with authority, _"Let's get ready to move her on three. Ready, 1-2-3." _On three, the assorted doctors and nurses grasped the sheet beneath her and quickly lifted her and transferred her smoothly to the gurney. As they settled her onto the new gurney, Castle looked down in horror to see a large pool of blood covering the paramedic's backboard, watching in sick fascination as some of the blood slowly seeped from the edge of the gurney onto the white tiled floor below. Rick had to draw in a deep breath to keep the room from spinning at the sight of so much blood . Kate's blood. The thought made him feel sick.

To keep from losing it altogether, Castle turned his attention back to Kate's face. Her eyes were shut once again, but her pain-contorted face told Castle that she was still conscious. He reached up his free hand and brushed a tendril of hair off her forehead while calling out to her.

"_Kate? How are you doing? Are you still hanging in there?"_

Slowly, painfully, Kate opened her eyes and gazed up at Castle. She opened her mouth slowly as if she intended to speak but could only manage a painful gasp. Her eyes bored into his, seemingly begging, no pleading for him to help her stop the pain and get oxygen to her burning lungs.

In that moment, Castle understood Kate without a single word spoken. It broke his heart to see her so desperate, so filled with pain when there was little he could do to help her. For the hundredth time that day, he found himself wishing he could do something, anything to take away her pain. Instead, he could only provide precious little reassurance.

"_I know, honey. I know. Shh, Kate. I know how bad you are hurting right now, but it's going to get better soon, okay? I'm right here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."_

Castle's head snapped up as the trauma surgeon began to fire off rapid fire directions to the other staff. _"Alright Jenny, can you page radiology for me and let them know we need a portable chest x-ray, stat, for a suspected tension pneumothorax? Carol, go ahead and set up a chest tube tray. And Doctor Roberts?" _called the trauma surgeon to the ER resident assisting with the patient. _"I'm thinking we should go ahead and put two units of O-negative blood on the rapid infuser. We can always type and cross for more blood and packed cells once she's stablized, but I don't like how low her BP is right now. Let's go ahead and hang some antibiotics too to reduce the risk of infection to her wound. She's allergic to penicillins and cephalosporins so we can't do Ancef. I'm thinking maybe Vancomycin instead? It has pretty good broad spectrum coverage. Alright, Mister...?" _the doctor continued, his gaze settling on Castle.

"_Castle. I'm Richard Castle." _Rick responded quickly.

"_Okay Mr. Castle, you've been doing a great job of keeping pressure on her wound but I'm ready to take a look now if you'll just slide your hand out of the way."_

Castle gently slid his hand from Beckett's chest, noticing that her eyes flew up as she lost her grasp on his forearm. _"It's okay, Kate," _Castle soothed as he reached out his hand. _"The doctor just needs to take a look at your wound, okay? I'm still right here," _he said while reaching down to intertwine his fingers in hers.

Just as Dr. Sweeney began to gently peel back the layers of gauze to expose Kate's bleeding chest wound, the doors swung open again to reveal a young radiology tech pushing a large machine that Castle assumed was the portable x-ray machine.

"_Great. Thanks for getting radiology down here so quickly, Jenny. Okay, let's set-up for a chest x-ray. I just need to get this last layer off," _said Dr. Sweeney while carefully pulling back Castle's blood-soaked jacket, taking care not to disturb the blood that had finally started to clot at the center of his patient's wound.

The radiology tech quickly positioned the x-ray machine while draping a leaden vest over Kate's abdomen and lower body in order to protect her organs from unecessary radiation. After fiddling with the machine settings for several seconds, the radiology tech stepped back, seeming satisfied with the position of the machine. She turned her attention to the patient. _"Okay m'am, I'm going to need to lay your gurney flat for just a second while I take a few x-rays. When I tell you to, I need to take in as deep of breath as you can and then hold it so that I can get clear pictures of your lungs, okay? This will just take a second and it shouldn't hurt at all."_

The radiologist slowly lowered the head of the gurney while directing the rest of the staff to step back and out of the way of the radiation. Castle remembered Kate's desperate struggle to get air earlier in the ambulance as she lay on her back and hoped that the x-rays would be over soon enough that it wouldn't affect her breathing since Kate was already clearly struggling to breathe.

The radiologist gestured towards Castle and he reluctantly slid his hand from hers and stepped away from the gurney. Kate reacted suddenly as she lost her connection to Castle and really her only connection to consciousness. Kate tried weakly to raise her head, her eyes opening and looking around in a panic until she saw the one face that made her feel safe. _"Castle...I can't...breathe. Rick...please. Don't go." _Kate gasped out desperately.

The radiology gently pushed Kate's head back against the pillow. _"M'am, it's okay. You've got to lie still for a few seconds so that we can get some pictures though, okay? Your...friend is right here. Just lie back and let us help you."_

Instead of caming her, the radiology's tech's words seemed only to cause Beckett additional panic. Castle looked down at her wild, entreating eyes and knew exactly what she needed. He'd seen her cling first to his shirt and then to his arm for dear life. He thought back to the last concussion he'd received after a particulary vicious hit during a league hockey game. Afterwards, he'd felt like the room (well really like the whole universe) was spinning out of control. He couldn't get his bearings now matter how hard he tried and had started to panic as the sensation continued for hours on end without any sign of abating. Then his beautiful daughter Alexis had arrived at the ER to scold him and fuss over him for managing to injure himself yet again. The first thing she did when she saw the bruise and six stitches on his forehead was to take his hand in hers. As soon as she did, Castle felt like he could make sense of the world again. The disconcerting spinning sensation continued for several days, but as long as he was holding onto Alexis's hand or something physical and tangible, the dizziness was manageable.

As Rick thought through this, the two doctors began to argue over the next step. Dr. Sweeney was the first to speak up. _"Okay, it looks like we are going to have to go in blind. Her O2 stats have dropped to 71% and we don't have long until she starts to go into cardiac arrest due to lack of oxygen. Clinically, she's got all of the symptoms of a tension pnuemothorax."_

Dr. Roberts shook his head in disagreement. _"No, no...let's just sedate her so we can get the images. We don't know how bad the bleeding is in the chest, so we don't want to risk putting the tube in the wrong place and having her bleed out. Plus, she could also have a periocardial effusion and we'd need to know that."_

Dr. Sweeney started up again, frustrated that an ER resident was daring to challenge his diagnosis as the attending trauma surgeon on duty. _"Look, sedation is too dangerous at this point. If we sedate her, she's going to stop breathing and we'll be forced to intubate which might do more damage to her lung at this point."_

Castle cleared his throat and looked up at the arguing doctors. _"Can I try something? I think I know what would help calm her down so you can get the images."_

Dr. Roberts nodded hurriedly. _"You've got 30 seconds. We don't have long to wait though. She's getting more unstable by the minute."_

Castle nodded and quickly approached the gurney, squatting down until his face was level with Kate's with his mouth mere inches from her ear.

"_Hey Kate? Honey? I'm right here, okay. Baby, the doctors need you to lie real still for a minute, okay? I know it's hard to breathe when you are laying down like this, but it will just be for a minute or two, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I have to move back a little so that the radiologist can get in here to run the machine, but I'll hold your hand the whole time, okay? You just squeeze my hand when it hurts and it will be done before you know it. Can you do that for me?"_

Kate briefly opened her eyes, causing several unspilled tears to slowly streak down her face. But her face seemed calmer as she looked at Castle, despite her continued gasping breaths. She looked at him for several seconds before slowly nodding and squeezing his hand gently.

Castle let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. _"Great!" _said Dr. Sweeney and the radiology tech simultaneously. Dr. Sweeney gestured towards one of the nurses. _"Jenny, can you get Mr. Castle a stool to sit on, please?" _

Jenny slid a small stool beneath Castle's hunched frame and he sat back on the stool gratefully, his eyes still locked on Kate's. _"Here," _offered the radiology tech as she slung a lead apron over Castle's waist. _"If you are going to sit that close, you should have protection from the radiation. _

Castle watched silently as the radiology tech quickly and efficiently repositioned the x-ray machine to get the clearest images of her patient's chest. After a few seconds, she seemed satisfied and picked up a small remote box attached to a long bundle of wires. She carefully stepped back until she was out of reach of the radiation before addressing her patient. _"Alright Detective. We're ready to go. I need you to take a deep breath for me, as big as you can. Great. And now hold you breath... Okay, got it. Now you can breathe. Alright, I'm going to do one more just to be sure we got a clear picture. Same thing. Take a deep breath...and hold it. Good, okay you can breathe again. Great job."_

The medical team descended on their patient again as one. Castle scooted his stool closer to the gurney and immediately resumed stroking Kate's hair while speaking to her softly. As he spoke, he gently depressed the lever to lift the head of her bed again. _"That was great, Kate. You did really well."_

As Castle continued to soothe Kate, the rest of the team continued to work frantically around her. One nurse removed a nearly empty bag of blood from the rapid infuser and hung a second unit of blood for transfusion. A second nurse returned to the room with a smaller IV bag filled with an antibiotic and quickly connected it to one of Kate's many IV ports as well. Meanwhile, the radiology tech removed the x-ray films from the machine and quickly placed them up on a small light board against one wall where both doctors waited anxiously to look at the images.

Dr. Sweeney was the first to speak after inspecting Beckett's films. _"Yes, we definitely have a pneumothorax here. Her right lung is completely deflated. I don't know she's still maintaining her O2 sats, even with the needle decompression." _Dr. Roberts turned back to glance at the monitors before responding. _"Actually, she's starting to decompensate again. Her O2 sats are back down to 68%."_

With that, both doctors snapped to attention. _"Right, okay we need to put in a chest tube right now. Dr. Roberts, do you want to assist?"_

"_Sure," _responded Dr. Roberts evenly. _"Let's get going."_

With quick efficiency, Castle watched as the two doctors were suited up in sterile gowns, masks, and even new gloves. One of the nurses opened up the chest tube tray and began to set out the various instruments that they would need while another nurse pulled back the gown from Kate's right side and began to slowly spread a brown antibacterial wash over her chest and side, covering her work after she did so with a sterile drape with a large hole cut out in the center. Castle looked down at the array of surgical instruments and felt himself shudder in horror at the sight of a large scalpel and a thick tube that he couldn't imagine them fitting into Kate's chest.

"_Right, Detective? I need you to listen to me for a minute. Right now you are having trouble breathing because blood and fluid has built up in your chest from the bullet wound and it compressed your lung until it collapsed. The only way to repair the damage is to put a tube in your side between your ribs and into the space right around your lungs called the pleural space. Once we do that, we can hook the tube up to suction and it will slowly drain out the blood so that your lung can expand again. Okay? Are you with me so far? We're going to give you an injection of Lidocaine in your side to numb the skin before we put the tube in, but it is still a pretty painful procedure. Because you're having such a hard time breathing already and pain meds can make that worse, we can't give you anything for the pain until we get the tube in and your oxygen levels go back up. You got all that? We need you to lay really still and try to take slow, deep breaths. I promise I'll be as fast and gentle as I can, okay?"_

Castle watched Kate's face as the doctor explained the procedure. He could see the overwhelming fear and anxiety in her face and panicked at the thought of having to put her through more pain. He remembered what Lanie had said to him earlier. She'd said that if Castle panicked, Beckett would too. And while he wanted to do nothing more than run away to keep from witnessing Kate being cut open, to avoid hearing her cries and knowing that he was helpless to do anything to help her, he steeled himself to be calm for her.

Castle rested his chin against the bedrail of Kate's gurney so that his face was only inches from hers. He continued to tightly clasp her left hand while his right hand cupped her cheek, tilting her cheek gently until she faced him so that he could look into her eyes.

"_Hey honey, I know you are scared but it will be over soon, okay? I'm going to be right here. You just squeeze my hand when it hurts, okay? Are you ready?"_

Kate drew in a breath and nodded shakily in response.

The surgeon looked up and nodded, picking up a scalpel...

**Haha, I know it seems evil of me to end the chapter there, but otherwise this chapter was going to be 10,000 words long. I'm already working on the next chapter and hope to post it either tonight or tomorrow, but would love some reviews first to let me know that you guys are still out there reading my story even after I abandoned the story for several weeks. Please review!**


	6. The Worst is Over?

"_**Hey honey, I know you are scared but it will be over soon, okay? I'm going to be right here. You just squeeze my hand when it hurts, okay? Are you ready?"**_

**Kate drew in a breath and nodded shakily in response.**

**The surgeon looked up and nodded, picking up a scalpel...**

Kate was terrified. She was more scared than she had ever been in her life. It felt like it had been ages since she could last draw a deep breath, since she could make even the slightest movement without agony. She knew how high the stakes were at this particular moment. She could see it in Rick's eyes. Though he was trying hard to maintain a composed facade, seemingly for her benefit, he couldn't hide the pain and worry in his eyes. _"Am I dying? Is this what death feels like?"_ thought Kate morbidly. She could still feel the blackness around the edges threatening to pull her under into unconsciousness at any moment. While she wanted nothing more than relief from her pain and breathlessness, Beckett was terrified of the blackness. When she had sucumbed to unconsciousness earlier just as the ambulance had arrived, she felt momentary relief at the temporary reprive from her pain. But before long, she started to panic. Her body felt heavy and adrift without Castle's gaze and touch to ground her. She fought to return to consciousness if only to reassure Castle and herself that she was still alive, but felt lost, trapped in the maze of her own broken body.

Beckett had always prided herself on being a tough, savy woman that could take care of herself and would never be the victim or damsel in distress. If her mother's death had taught her anything, it was that you can't rely on other people to save you from yourself. This was especially true of her father. While her dad had always been a loving and supportive father and husband, he had lost himself in a haze of bourbon after her mother's death. Jim Beckett had scarcely been able to take care of himself, let alone his grieving daughter. For months, Kate felt as if she had lost not only her mother, but her father as well. Eventually, her father got help and was able to rejoin the world again thanks to AA and his sobriety. But at that point, the damage had been done. While Kate readily forgave her father and had allowed him back into her life with open arms, the experience had taught her that you could never fully rely on someone else to take care of you, not even those who loved you the most.

Since then, Beckett had always carefully guarded a part of herself from the rest of the world, never allowing herself to be completely vulnerable with someone else. Castle had a point when he accused her of constantly finding herself in nowhere relationships with men she didn't love which only made his criticism sting even more. If she didn't love them and didn't allow them to get to know and love the real her, then they couldn't hurt her the way she'd been hurt when her mother died and her father essentially abandoned her for his daily fifth of bourbon. Rick had been the first person since then to get past some of her defenses. While she still tried to hide her vulnerability under a thick layer of sarcasm and witty banter, Rick had gotten under her skin in a way no other man had and as a result, Beckett occasionally found herself sharing things with him that she'd never shared with anyone else much to her chagrin. Castle was the only one she told about watching Temptation Lane with her mother as a little girl or about how she'd spent the summer while Castle had been away in the Hamptons painstakingly assembling her own personal murder board of her mother's case in her living room.

Kate was also known for being just as strong physically as she was emotionally. She was famous around the precinct for being the only cop who'd made it nearly eight years on the force without taking a single sick day, even when that meant that she'd once come into work in the middle of a challenging murder investigation with a 103 fever as a result of a nasty case of the flu. Kate also took great pride in her physical stamina and hand-to-hand combat skill. She'd been particularly proud of taking down Demming during a particularly tough sparring session despite him being nearly twice her size. Kate had become an expert over the years at hiding any signs of pain or illness by burying herself in her work and hated the thought of anyone needing to take care of her. This had often been an issue in her relationships as many guys found it infuriating that she refused to let them dote on her or even open her car door.

But Castle...well, he was different. He seemed to understand implicitly that Beckett valued her independence above everything else and hated to have people draw attention to her when she was hurting, whether it be physically or emotionally. He had a knack for going out of his way to help her when she needed it without calling any attention to what he was doing or making a big deal out of it.

Kate remembered one particular night when they were out at a crime scence examining a dead body while a cold, chilly rain soaked them through. Beckett had been developing a cold even before she'd been forced to come out into the cold, wet night. As a result, she was struggling to keep from shivering perceptibly while her nose continued to run in an endless stream and a constant itch in the back of her throat kept making her cough. Lanie had been all over her as soon as she saw Beckett shivering, her voice hoarse and her cheeks flushed with the unmistakable sheen of fever. She'd attempted to shoo her back home and into bed while simultaneously attempting to do a quick exam and recommend some OTC medications. Kate had shrugged Lanie off irritably while insisting she was fine.

She could see Castle watching her closely out of the corner of her eye but looked away quickly in attempt to avoid his gaze. She'd quickly become absorbed in examining the details of the crime scene when she felt a warm coat being draped across her shoulders. She looked up in surprise to see Castle walking away, having removed his own heavy overcoat in favor of a light waterproof windbreaker worn by the CSI techs and placed it over her body wordlessly. Kate had started to call after him and insist that he take back his jacket before a strong gust of wind forced her to reconsider as she wrapped his still warm coat around her shivering body.

Later when they'd returned to the station, Castle had sat down in his usual chair next to her desk and deposited a disposable coffee cup in front of her. She'd reached for it eagerly, grateful for the warmth and caffeine of her daily latte. However, when she went to take a sip, she'd tasted something else entirely.

"_What is this?" _Beckett had asked in confusion at the time.

"_Green tea with lemon and honey," _Castle responded nonchalantly. _"I thought it might be nice to change it up for once," _he continued, giving her a small smile that almost hid his concern for her health.

Kate had been ready to roll her eyes and say something snarky about how she was old enough to pick out her own drinks thank you very much, but first took a tentative sip in order to stiffle another hacking cough that threatened to make its way out. She nearly moaned in relief as the warm, thick sweet liquid slid down her throat, soothing the rough, burning pain in her throat and chest that had been worsening with every word she spoke. She looked up in surprise. _"Castle...," _Kate started.

"_You're welcome,"_ Rick had said with a smile. _"Anytime."_

Now Kate found herself in a position in which she was relying on Castle like she'd never needed another person before. She hated having him see her weak and crying, but she needed him by her side as much as she needed oxygen at the moment. She felt as if she was drowning and he was the only thing she could cling to in order to keep her head above water. Every time Rick's warm hand left hers or she lost sight of his kind, worrying eyes, she panicked. Castle had promised her only weeks earlier that he'd be there for her, that he'd have her back always. She truly believed him and knew that as long as he was by her side, she could continue to fight to stay alive.

Kate was shaken from her jumbled thoughts by the feel of Rick's hand against her cheek. He tilted her face towards him, his hand gently cupping her cheek and brushing his fingers through the hair at her temple. He'd moved closer so that his face was mere inches from her own as his eyes searched her face with concern while his other hand gently squeezed her hand.

"_Hey honey, I know you are scared but it will be over soon, okay? I'm going to be right here. You just squeeze my hand when it hurts, okay? Are you ready?" _asked Rick in a rush as the doctor finished prepping her for the chest tube.

Kate took a deep breath and nodded, squeezing Rick's hand back as she did so.

"_Okay, let's get started,"_ spoke Doctor Roberts. _"Detective, I'm going to inject the lidocaine to numb the skin, okay? You're going to feel a big pinch and some burning."_

As Doctor Roberts injected the medication quickly, Castle felt Kate's grip tighten around his hand as she winced in pain.

"_Shh...okay Kate. You're doing great so far. Just keep squeezing my hand." _Castle whispered soothingly while continuing to stroke her cheek and forehead gently.

Doctor Sweeney was the next to speak. _"Okay, I'm going to make the incision now. Detective, just try to keep taking slow, deep breaths. You need to remain very still for this part so that I don't accidentally cut too deeply. Carol, can you help keep her very still?"_

Rick looked up quickly to see Doctor Sweeney yielding a large, very sharp scalpel. He quickly returned his gaze to Beckett's face, his features tensing in anticipation of her reaction.

Kate cried out as the doctor cleanly cut through several layers of skin, taking care to painstakingly cut through the layers of subcutaneous fat and muscle in order to expose the pleural space around her lung. She continued to gasp and moan involuntarily as the doctor widened the incision to make room to insert the tube.

Castle's stomach dropped at the sound of Beckett's cries. The noise was physically painful to Castle and he watched in panic as Kate blanched even paler while struggling to draw in any air.

"_Shh Kate... Hang on honey. Just try to breathe, okay? Breathe baby. Squeeze my hand. That's it." _he quickly looked up to see Doctor Sweeney dabbing at the blood that had started to pool at the incision site before carefully widening the incision.

"_Kate? They're almost done. They've almost finished with the incision. Just hang on for a few more seconds, okay? There. Okay, they're done cutting. Just take a second and try to breathe right now." _Castle murmured in a rush, his eyes moving back and forth from Kate's face to the doctors working furiously on her right side. He gently wiped the beads of cold sweat that broke out on her brow before softly kissing her on the forehead.

"_Kate? You're doing great so far. It will be over soon." _Castle continued to reassure her.

Doctor Sweeney looked up from the incision, satisfied with the location and depth. _"Rib spreader," _he called to one of the nurses while his hand reached out for the next instrument. Next he turned to the ER doctor. _"Doctor Roberts, can you give me a hand with some suction here so I can get a better look at her chest cavity. It's hard to see with all this bleeding."_

Doctor Roberts nodded wordlessly and slowly picked up a small wand attached to some sort of canister and began to gently suck up the blood that poured from the incision.

Doctor Sweeney took the rib spreader and prepared to place it in the incision to open a large enough hold to expose the pleural space and fit the diameter of the chest tube. He quickly looked up to Mr. Castle who was watching him tensely with an unreadable expression on his face. _"Ready?" _he asked the writer.

Castle nodded and turned his gaze back to Kate. _"Alright Kate, I need you to open your eyes and look at me, okay? The doctor's about to open up the hole a bit more so that the tube will fit. Are you ready? Just keep trying to take those deep breaths, got it?"_

Kate was too weak and filled with pain to even nod, so she settled for opening her eyes and gazing at Castle. He seemed to implicitly understand what she was trying to communicate and gently squeezed her hand in reassurance.

Castle held his breath as Kate cried out again. Tears were streaming down her face involuntarily as the doctor painstakingly widened the incision, separating two of her ribs from the tough cartiledge of the chest wall as he did so. Castle couldn't even imagine how much it must have hurt and thought for the thousandth time that day that Kate was the bravest woman he'd ever known.

"_I know, Kate. I know. The pain's going to get better soon. Just stay with me. He's almost done. It's okay, honey." _Rick repeated over and over until it became a sort of mantra. He glanced up to see the two doctors open the rib spreader a few more centimeters before nodding in unison and stopping.

Again Castle's eyes went back to Kate's face. _"Hey Kate. They're all done with that part. Just try to breathe, okay? Come on, Kate. You need to keep breathing. I know it hurts but they're almost done. Just hang on for another minute or two."_

Everyone's face went to the monitors at once at the sound of a loud beeping. Kate's O2 levels had dropped to only 60% while her heart rate was up to 160, serving to corroborate how much pain she was suffering during the chest tube procedure.

The nurse handed Doctor Sweeney the tubing wordlessly. Castle drew a breath and steeled himself to encourage Kate one last time. He gently brushed back the damp hair that was now plastered to her clammy forehead and squeezed her hand tightly.

"_Okay Kate, this is last part. They're almost done now, honey. They just need to put the tube in place. Once they get it in, it should get a lot easier to breathe. You just need to focus on taking slow,deep breaths right now."_

Kate looked up at Rick questioningly. _"Last...is...worst?" _she managed to gasp out slowly. Castle looked up at the doctor, unsure how to respond but Doctor Roberts simply shook his head sadly. Rick started to brush Kate off and lie, but something in her expression changed his mind.

"_Yes sweetheart, this part will probably hurt the worst but it should be the shortest part too, okay? As soon as the doctor's finish, it will get a lot easier to breathe and then we can get you some medicine for the pain too. Just stay with me a little longer. You're doing great."_

With that, Doctor Sweeney forcefully inserted the tube into the incision in Kate's side. Kate's whole body shuddered involuntarily from the pain and she weakly tried to roll towards her left in an attempt to get away from the pain. Several sets of hands were on her once as Carol firmly held her shoulder against the matress while Jenny put a restraining arm across her torso.

Kate made an almost inhuman sound that was somewhere between a strangled cry and and a gasp. Castle watched as Kate struggled to draw in a breath, looking as if she was trying to breathe underwater. Castle continued to stroke her cheek and forehead, all the while feeling more helpless than he had ever felt in his life.

"_Shh, breathe Kate. You've got to breathe. It's almost over. They're almost done. I know it hurts, honey."_

Suddenly Kate's body seized violently as the doctor managed to push the chest tube past the tough cartiledge and slide it into the pleural space. Kate drew in a loud, wheezing breath as blood and fluids started to drain quickly from the tube before it had even been hooked up to suction, the pressure inside her chest cavity and gravity being sufficient to drain the fluid. As blood continued to ooze from the tube, Castle listened as Kate's breathing gradually slowed until she was breathing deeply enough that her lips started to lose the bluish tint that had been steadily increasing over the past half hour.

Castle briefly looked up at the doctors who were nodding approvingly. _"Okay, it looks like the chest tube is in position. O2 is at 76% and rising. Carol, I need you to hook the tube up to the suction canister. Let's go ahead and set up for another portable chest x-ray so that we can make sure that they tube is in a good position before I suture it in place. Jenny, why don't you go ahead and draw up 10 mg of Morphine and 5 mg of Versed? As soon as her O2 sats reach 90%, you can go ahead and administer the pain medications."_

Castle felt dizzy with relief as he watched Kate's O2 levels come up. He turned his gaze back to her and gently kissed her forehead.

"_Kate? Honey, you did it. It should be getting easier to breathe now. The nurse is going to get you some pain medication, okay. Everything's going to be fine now. The worst is over."_

**Whew! That was exhausting to write, so I can't even imagine poor Beckett having to go something like that. I'm sure not giving her a very easy go at things, am I? The next few chapters should be less intense than this one which will allow me to introduce other characters like Jim Beckett, Martha, Alexis, Esposito, Lanie, and Ryan back to the story. It will also mark the return of Castle and Beckett's gallows humor because sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying. What did you think of this chapter? Is there something you'd want to see happen in an upcoming chapter? Please review!**


	7. All I've Got is Your Hand

**Hello again, dear readers. It is great to know that you are still out there enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I want to give a special thank you to my recent reviewers at : jacq82, Chkgun93, southrnbygrace, NCISchick, keeksterdee, Anon at 2:18 am on 6/23, Minstrel164, gloriajv, haz3335, cajun panda, xfcastle, Nat, Sarah Johnson, centava, and Senuna. Not to mention the many others who have subscribed to my story and author alerts and favorited this story. You guys rock!**

**A few people have asked me where I get my ideas for stories. Obviously I'm very much inspired by the show and characters, without which there would be no Caskett to obsess over. But I also cannot write without music. I suck at writing song fics, but I've developed a pretty sweet playlist that is my constant companion while I've been writing this story. Some of the songs are mood pieces while others have lyrics that apply really well to the emotions that the characters are going through in this story. Since I wish that all of life had a soundtrack, I'm going to share my playlist with you. All the songs can be played for free on YouTube and I'd highly recommend you listen to them while you read if you want to get the full effect. **

"**The Funeral" Band of Horses**

"**White Blank Page" Mumford and Sons**

"**Kettering" The Antlers**

"**To Build a Home" The Cinematic Orchestra**

"**Everything Will Be Alright" (Demo Version) The Killers**

"**Have a Little Faith in Me" John Hiatt**

"**Someone Like You" Adele**

"**Somewhere Only We Know" Keane (although I do enjoy the Glee cover as well)**

"**Songbird" Eva Cassidy**

"**No One's Gonna Love You" Band of Horses**

"**Afterall" William Fitzsimmons**

"**Cold Water" Damien Rice (This chapter's title comes from this song. Listen now. You won't believe how well it goes with this story. You can thank me later.)**

"_**Kate? Honey, you did it. It should be getting easier to breathe now. The nurse is going to get you some pain medication, okay? Everything's going to be fine now. The worst is over."**_

Castle sighed in audible relief as he watched one of Kate's nurses inject the first of two medications into her IV port. Kate still winced from time to time as Doctor Sweeney carefully sutured the chest tube in place, ensuring that it stayed precisely positioned, but already some of the tension had left her face as she no longer struggled to draw a breath. Without a word, a second nurse tapped Castle on the shoulder, handing him a cool damp cloth. Castle looked at it confusedly for a few seconds, wondering if it was a not so subtle hint that the scent coming from his sweat and blood-soaked black shirt was a bit ripe before realizing it was intended for Kate. He turned his face towards her, noticing the sheen of cold sweat on her forehead, no doubt a remnant of the ordeal she had just undergone. He gently wiped her forehead and cheeks with the cool cloth, watching as her eyes closed involuntarily at the soothing sensation.

Kate and Rick both startled at Doctor Sweeney's voice. _"Okay, Mrs. Beckett. Jenny just gave you some medicine for pain and a mild sedative to relax you, so you should start to feel some relief pretty soon. I've finished suturing the chest tube in place and we've confirmed that it is in the correct position with x-ray. The next step will be to perform a CT scan of your chest to look for other internal injuries. We seem to be draining a good deal of blood from your chest although so far we've been able to keep up with the blood loss through transfusions. If you show signs of active internal bleeding, we'll have to get you into surgery right away. If it looks like the bleeding in your chest is slowing down, we'll probably try to wait until morning to bring you into surgery to remove the bullet and repair any damage to your lung so that your body has a chance to recover and get a bit more stable. Once we get the results of the CT scan back, we will also need to consult with orthopedics to repair the damage that's been done to your shoulder."_

He turned to look at his patient, making sure she heard his directions. "_For now, Detective, the best thing you can do is rest. I know you're probably still feeling some discomfort in your chest, but you need to try to breathe as deeply as you can to reduce your risk of developing pneumonia. It's important that you let us know whenever you have pain in your chest because you are at a higher risk of blood clots due to your age and taking Ortho Tri-Cyclen and we don't want you to wind up with a pulmonary embolism. We want to make sure that we stay on top of your pain from now on so that you're able to breathe more deeply which will ultimately shorten your recovery time as well. Do you have any questions so far?"_

Kate looked at Castle and managed to rasp out, _"How long...?"_

Castle finished for her. _"How long will she be here? What about the chest tube? When can that come out?"_

Doctor Sweeney shook his head at the couple. _"Unfortunately, I can't give you a fixed answer on that just yet. It really depends on the results of the CT scan and whether or not she suffers any complications. Right now, her vital signs are improving, but she's still not completely stable. I can tell you that the chest tube will have to stay in for at least a week, but possibly longer. She'll need to be in the ICU so she can be closely monitored until the chest tube comes out and she can maintain her oxygen levels without needing supplemental O2. The orthopedic surgeon should be able to give you a better idea of what the recovery process will be like to regain function in her arm and shoulder, but I'm willing to bet she'll need some physical therapy and rehabilitation. Like I said, the biggest issue right now is figuring out if she still has active bleeding in her chest and getting that under control so that we can stabilize her blood pressure. She's doing better, but she's not quite out of the woods just yet."_

Castle nodded uneasily, his earlier relief having been tempered by the doctor's daunting description of the long road Kate had ahead for her recovery. He knew that the laundry list of hurdles yet to come had to be even more upsetting to Kate who valued her independence above all else and would surely fight him every step of the way when it came to letting him (or anyone else) take care of her. Castle turned to her and was relieved to see that the remaining tension had left her face and she was struggling just to keep her eyes open. He doubted that she'd taken in any of what the doctor had said, but he'd certainly been listening and would make sure she heard it later. Right now, her doctor said the main thing she needed to was to rest and Castle intended to see to it that she did just that.

Castle turned back to the doctor. _"Okay, thanks doctor. I'm guessing you'll give us an update after you get her CT results?"_

Doctor Sweeney nodded. _"Yes, I'll come update you once I have more information. For now, I'm going to step out so I can put in some orders for Mrs. Beckett and get started on her admissions paperwork for the ICU, but I'm going to have Jenny here apply a pressure dressing to the detective's wound and immobilize her shoulder. Someone should be down in a few minutes to take her up for her CT scan. The call button's on the side of her bed if you need anything in the meantime. I'm hoping that the pain medication and sedative we just gave her will knock her out for a bit since she really needs to rest, but if she seems like she is in pain or starts to have more trouble breathing, please call us right away." _

Doctor Sweeney started to walk away, pausing as his hand touched the door to her room.

"_Mr. Castle?"_

Castle looked up in surprise. _"Yeah?"_

"_You did a great job of keeping her calm so we could treat her. She's very lucky to have a partner like you. You must care for her very much." _And with that, the doctor strode out the door, not pausing for a response from Castle. Rick felt his eyes start to fill with tears at the doctor's kind words, but quickly shook his head to rid himself of the maudlin emotion.

He looked up to see the young nurse whose name must be Jenny studying his face carefully. She smiled gently at him and said, _"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard Doctor Sweeney say anything that nice to anyone, even his own wife. You must have really made an impression on him," _with a slightly teasing smile.

Castle grinned in response, feeling relief at smiling for the first time in what felt like years. _"Yeah, he must be a fan. Remind me to give him an autographed copy of my next book."_

Jenny looked at him strangely, her eyes growing wide as she connected the dots and realized what the handsome man before her had meant.

"_Omigod! You are THAT Richard Castle? The famous author? Does that mean... Is this... Omigod, is my patient THE Nikki Heat?"_

Castle shook his head in shock at her sudden outpouring of enthusiasm. In less than a minute, the woman in front of him had gone from a professional nurse who'd helped save Beckett's life to a fawning fangirl who seemed young enough to be in Alexis's class. While the irony of this sudden change wasn't lost on him, he was also aware that Kate's killer was still out there somewhere and the last thing he needed was for the media to get a hold of the story. He could see the headlines already. _"The Real-Life Nikki Heat in Hot Water after Shooting: Rook Refuses to Leave Her Side." _Oh god, they would have a field day. He'd seen them create a three-ring circus with less. He needed to call his good friend Bob the mayor soon to see if his press office could help Castle squash the story. They were going to need more than a couple of black-and-whites stationed at the door to Kate's room if every one of Castle's nut-job fans knew that the inspiration for Nikki Heat had been shot and currently resided in the very public NYU Med Hospital with the real-life Rook at her side.

Castle decided to play it conspiratorially as he had a feeling that the nurse meant no harm. Maybe he could convince her that she was doing him a favor. Time to turn on the Castle charm.

"_Shh, can I let you in on a little secret, Jenny? This is indeed my muse. But right now, she's still in a lot of danger, so we need to keep her identity under wraps, okay? Do you think you could help us keep our secret for now? It really is a matter of life and death."_

"_Oh my gosh, totally," _replied Jenny quickly. _"Your secret is safe with me. Besides, it is against HIPPA laws to break patient confidentiality. I would totally lose my job if I told anyone or talked to the media."_

Castle let out a sigh of relief and looked down to see Beckett not so subtly rolling her eyes at him, a small smirk on her face. He winked back at her, happy to be sharing an inside joke with her again.

Jenny began to set out the medical supplies on a small tray near Kate's bedside, seemingly shifting back into the role of professional nurse now that her fangirl moment had passed. _"Okay detective, I'm about to..."_

Jenny trailed off as Kate spoke.

"_Kate. Please, call me Kate... We should be on a first-name basis since you're such a big fan and all.." _Kate continued, giving Castle a look that indicated that she was every bit as aware of the irony of the situation as he was. Kate stifled a snort of laughter and then winced in pain as the small movement jarred her shoulder slightly.

The wince of pain wasn't lost on Castle. Right, he needed to encourage her to rest right now. What had the doctor told him? She was doing better, but she still wasn't out of the woods.

Castle brought his hand back to her temple and resumed stroking her hair, hoping that the soothing movement might encourage her to fall asleep. _"You okay?" _he asked gently.

"_Yeah, I'm okay. Just don't make me laugh, alright?"_

"_Deal," _Rick responded. He watched as Kate's eyes slowly slid shut. But mere seconds later, he watched her struggle mightily to open them again and look at him.

"_Kate? Honey, you heard what the doctor said. You really need to rest right now. Just close your eyes, okay?"_

Kate looked at him and Rick could see the fear that was still in her eyes. _"Rick, I don't want you to leave," _she said simply as way of explanation.

Castle squeezed her hand gently and kissed her forehead. _"Kate, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Just close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up."_

And with that, Kate's eyes slipped shut, her face finally relaxing in sleep as she was given a reprieve from her pain. Castle continued to watch Beckett's face carefully while Jenny worked quietly and efficiently next to him. Within minutes, Jenny had bandaged Kate's shoulder with several rolls of gauze. Next, she pulled out a complicated looking sling with pieces of velcro everywhere. She fitted it around Beckett's shoulder with ease, and Kate didn't do so much as twitch while the nurse carefully manipulated her wounded right side.

"_Thank god for morphine," _Castle muttered under his breath, grateful that Kate was finally resting easy.

"_What?" _said Jenny, giving him a strange look.

"_Uhh... nothing. Just wondering when Kate was going to get that CT Scan." _Castle covered poorly.

"_Hmm, good question. I'll go check on her orders. I'll be back in a minute but feel free to hit the call button if you need anything."_

And with that, Kate's nurse/possibly psycho fan walked out of the room, leaving Castle alone with Beckett for the first time since he'd told her that he loved her. Castle glanced at his watch, certain that it must be broken at first when he saw the time. Had it really only been an hour since Kate had been shot? God, that felt like a lifetime ago. Castle could swear that he'd aged thirty years in the last sixty minutes.

Castle looked down at his hands, realizing that they were still smeared with Kate's blood, although not as darkly as they had been in the ambulance earlier. He drew in a deep breath, trying and failing to stop his hands from shaking. He hadn't noticed it earlier, but now he could swear he felt the adrenaline pumping through his body. He looked around the room, locating a small sink in the corner and deciding that his first order of business would be to wash his hands. He walked shakily to the sink and watched morbidly as blood streamed from his hands, Kate's blood slowly bleeding down the drain. Suddenly, Castle heaved, emptying his stomach into the sink violently. He hunched over the sink for nearly a minute, unsure as to whether or not there was more to come. He took several deep breaths, trying to quiet the shaking that seemed to have migrated from his hands to his whole upper body. He ran the water washing away the debris in the sink before cupping his hands beneath the faucet to rinse out his mouth. He drank slowly, unsteadily, unsure that his stomach was ready to keep anything down, but the cool water seemed to revive him a bit. He finished by soaping up his hands, taking great care to wash away every trace of Kate's blood from his knuckles and fingernails. Finally, he felt strong enough to turn his attentions back to Kate, who continued to sleep undisturbed. She looked almost peaceful, Castle thought, if not for the jumble of IV tubes and monitor leads as well as the chalky pallor of her skin that only hinted at the ordeal of the last hour. He sank back onto the stool at her side, gently wrapping her hand in both of his, her fingers intertwined with his.

Castle looked up as the door to the trauma room swung open and Jenny entered.

"_Okay Mr. Castle, Radiology is ready for her, so I'm going to take her down for her CT scan."_

"_Sounds good. I'll come with you," _responded Castle, climbing to his feet.

"_You are more than welcome to walk down with us, but you'll have to stand outside while they do the scan. Even the radiologist will be back in the booth. A CT Scan puts off a lot more radiation than the chest x-ray did."_

Castle made a face. He hated to leave her even when she was unconscious. What if she woke up and panicked again? _"How long will the scan take?"_

"_No more than 10 minutes. Trust me, Mr. Castle. I gave her a pretty big dose of sedative. She's going to be out for awhile. Why don't you go update the rest of her family while we get the scan?"_

"_Okay, okay..." _Castle responded reluctantly. _"But you promise to come find me the second she is done? I don't want her to wake up alone."_

Jenny nodded while carefully transferring _Kate's_ many IV drips to the pole attached to her gurney. _"I'll take good care of her. The family waiting room is just through there."_

Castle bent down and kissed Kate's forehead. _"I'll be right back, honey. I love you." _And before Castle had a chance to start to question his decision, he forced himself through the door and out into the bright fluorescent lights in search of Lanie and Jim.

"_Castle!" _Lanie exclaimed as the very tired-looking writer walked through the door. Within seconds, he was swarmed by Lanie, Esposito, and Jim. He glanced over and saw Ryan's fiance Jenny smiling shyly at him from the corner of room as well. _"How's our girl?" _asked Lanie impatiently, her voice betraying her fear for her best friend.

Castle drew in a deep breath. _"Not quite stable yet, but getting there. She's getting a CT scan of her chest right now." _Castle watched as Jim's face went slack with relief. Kate's dad looked like he'd aged thirty years in the last hour as well and Castle wasn't sure how much longer the shaky legs underneath him would hold. _"Why don't we sit down?" _suggested Castle evenly.

Castle turned to Jenny. _"Hey Jenny, glad you're here. Come join us."_

"_Are you sure?"_ she asked. _"I don't want to intrude on family stuff. Ryan really wanted to be here, but he's at your loft keeping an eye on Alexis and Martha, so he asked me to come and keep him updated."_

"_Get over here," _Castle said with a weak smile. _"You're marrying Ryan which makes you a part of our big, dysfunctional 12__th__ precinct family whether you like it or not."_

Castle turned at the feel of Lanie tugging at his sleeve. _"Details, Writer Boy. I need to details."_

Javier reached out and put a comforting arm around Lanie's shoulders. _"Yeah Castle, how's she doing?"_

Castle sighed, trying to find the least depressing way to give them the laundry list of Kate's injuries and possible complications to come.

"_Well, when we got her here, her lung had collapsed and she was barely breathing. The doctors managed to get a chest tube in so she's breathing a lot better now. She was in a lot of pain, but they finally sedated her, so she's sleeping now. The trauma surgeon said that the main issue is to figure out if she's still got active internal bleeding in her chest since they were draining a lot of blood through the chest tube. Depending on how much she's bleeding, they will either take her up for surgery soon or they'll wait until first thing in the morning and give her body a chance to rest before they put her under anesthesia. The doctor also mentioned something about getting an orthopedics consult. I guess there is some damage to her shoulder that they'll eventually need to repair. We should know more after they get the CT scan results back."_

Castle looked up as he finished, noticing for the first time that Jim Beckett's hands were shaking nearly as badly as his had been earlier. He couldn't even imagine what it must be like for Jim. To lose the love of his life. To see his daughter go down the rabbit hole of her mother's case. Jim had known just what this investigation might cost Kate, might cost him, might cost everyone who loved her. And he'd been right. Castle hadn't done his job after all. If he'd done as Jim asked, Kate wouldn't be in the hospital right now. As Castle felt guilt swell in his stomach, he looked down, too ashamed at his failings to look Jim in the eyes.

But Jim seemed to instinctively know what Rick was thinking and carefully reached out and placed a reassuring hand on the writer's knee. Castle looked up in surprise at the gentle touch.

"_I know what you're thinking," _Jim said evenly. _"It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have prevented this."_

Rick stared back at him, his voice heavy with unshed tears. _"I should have stopped it. I saw the muzzle flash a half second too late. If I'd been standing just a little closer to her, I could have made it there in time."_

"_Yes, and then you'd be the one lying in that hospital bed and my Katie would be sitting here crying over you. I don't know if that would be any better. She told me what you did for her already. How you got her out of the airplane hangar, kept her from getting herself killed while she was trying to protect the Captain. You did exactly what I asked of you, Rick, and for that I am grateful. My daughter has a chance because of you. Don't blame yourself for this. Trust me, I've been down that road before, and it isn't pretty."_

Castle just shook his head, unsure of how to respond to the gift that Jim had just given him. He was shocked at how clearly Kate's dad understood what he was going through. Unable to think of anything to say in response, Castle instead reached out and gave Mr. Beckett a tentative hug.

"_Thanks, sir. That...it means a lot."_

"_Please son, call me Jim."_

Out of the corner of his eye, Castle could see Lanie and Esposito sharing a look as they watched him slowly rise to his feet.

"_Okay, right. I should get back to Kate. They said the scan would only take about ten minutes. I'll let you know as soon as we get the results back."_

Lanie nodded. _"I'll walk you out," _she said casually.

Lanie grabbed his arm as they exited the family waiting room and started down a long corridor.

"_First things first. You look like shit," _Lanie started scoldingly.

"_Geez Lanie, how do you really feel?" _Castle responded with mock hurt.

"_You know what I mean, Castle. You need to take a second and clean yourself up. One of the nurses pointed me to the doctor's lounge earlier and showed me where they keep the clean scrubs. Take a second and go change."_

"_I need to get back to her Lanie. She freaks out every time I so much as take one step away from her bed."_

"_I peeked at her chart. They gave her 10 of Morphine and 5 of Versed. She's going to be out for awhile. Trust me. Speaking of which, I want the unedited version of how she's really doing now."_

Castle let out another sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, unsure of where to start.

"_Castle, how long did she stay conscious?" _Lanie asked more gently.

"_Long time...she was awake for the whole chest tube ordeal. She finally passed out, but probably only about 15 minutes ago," _Castle said flatly.

Lanie gave him a pained look. _"Oh god, that must have been hell. They couldn't sedate her first, could they?"_

"_Nope. It was hell, for her and for me. Probably one of the worst half hours of my life." _Castle admitted.

"_Wow... just wow. Our girl sure is tough, isn't she?" _Lanie responded.

Castle looked at Lanie seriously. _"Lanie, you have no idea. She's...she's the bravest woman I've ever known."_

Lanie looked at Castle for several seconds. _"You really do love her, don't you?"_

"_Yeah, I do."_

"_How long?" _asked Lanie.

"_Long time now. Maybe since I first met her."_

"_She loves you too, you know. She's just too stubborn to say it out loud."_

"_That's okay, Lanie. I'm a patient man. As long as she's okay, I can wait."_

"_Well good, because she is going to need you for the next few months. She's lucky to have you. You know that?"_

"_Other way around, Lanie. I'm the lucky one."_

Lanie smiled and reached into her pocket, passing Castle his iPhone.

"_Where'd you...? I didn't even know I'd lost it." _Castle said, tucking it securely into his pocket.

"_You left it in the ambulance. The paramedic found it on the seat and brought it back to me."_

"_That was nice of him." _Castle said. _"Thanks for hanging onto it for me."_

"_No problem, Writer Boy. Alexis texted a few times to say that she was safe. I told her you were in with Kate. She wants you to call when you can."_

Castle nodded. _"Thanks Lanie, for everything."_

"_You know how you can thank me? Take two minutes and change out of those bloody clothes. You look like an undertaker dressed in all black like that. Splash some water on your face and change into some clean scrubs. Kate deserves to wake up to someone who looks a little nicer than you're looking right now."_

Castle chuckled, holding up his arms in mock surrender. _"Alright, alright...I give up. I'm off to change and then I'm going back to Kate. I'll update you as soon as the doctor comes to talk to me."_

"_That's right you will. Take care of our girl, Rick. See you in a bit."_

"_Will do, Lanie."_

**A few notes... When I first started out with this story, I wasn't sure how long I'd continue it. I'd been thinking something like 5-6 chapters total. But now that I've finished my seventh chapter, I feel like I'm just getting started, so I've decided that I'll keep writing it as long as I can keep coming up with ideas and you can keep reading (and reviewing) it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when TV shows (and fanfic writers) skip over the long recovery process that is usually a reality with any major injury like Kate's. I myself experienced that a few years ago when I had three surgeries in a two month period (for an injury that was much less life-threatening than Kate's). It took six months of intensive physical therapy and rehab for me just to be able to function physically, and even longer than that before I fully felt like myself again. One Castle fanfic that I'm really loving right now is called "Therapy" by Jenrose1 and it is following a similar model of really getting into the realistic aftermath of Kate's injury. I've got some really interesting ideas about where the story will go in the future, but as always, I'm open to suggestions for possible plot threads.**

**On a somewhat related note, I've been writing like crazy for the past few days due to being stuck in bed with a bad case of bronchitis. Yeah, so you know how much Kate hates being sick or injured and depending on others for help? That's me times ten. So, it was surprisingly easy for me to write about her frustration with her broken body. All of this is a very long way of saying that this fic is serving a slightly therapeutic purpose for me as well, and I can see posting several more chapters over the weekend simply to keep me from climbing the walls with boredom. So, if you want to help keep a fellow writer off the ledge so to speak, please review. I could use the human interaction at the moment... And on a somewhat related note, I'm a mere two reviews away from this story becoming my most reviewed story ever. I hate to be selfish, but two more reviews? That would totally make my night. **


	8. In the Still of the Night

**Hello again, dear readers. Wow! Can I just say that your reviews made my night? I'm still feeling like crap but the reviews made me smile, so big thanks for that go to chezchuckles, Keronshara, Senuna, Rachy474, texasloves9, TorekEszter, cajun panda, I'm Widget, Reader4077, Issy, and baterista9. And since I aim to please, I've fixed the italics issue for dialogue going forward (thanks to Reader4077 & baterista9 for the tips on that). If you haven't already guessed, this story is unbeta-ed so I apologize for any mistakes. I try my best to proof before I post, but it seems like a few mistakes still manage to slip through (thanks in part to the sleep deficit I'm working off complements of a lovely bronchitis cough). Feel free to let me know if you can catch any and I'll correct. On a related note, if you're interested in helping out as a beta for a future chapter or chapters, message me. **

**So, Beckett and Castle reach a milestone in their relationship in this chapter. I'd initially planned for that particular conversation to wait awhile longer, but as I was writing the dialogue for their late night conversation, I just couldn't help but think that it was time. Granted, it hasn't even been 24 hours in their world since this whole nightmare began, but Castle and Beckett have experienced more together in that short period of time than they probably have in their entire partnership to date. But there are still more details to sort out as they go ahead as you'll see. I liked the idea of this chapter being entirely about the two of them debriefing from the day, but I promise not to keep the other characters out of the story much longer. Next chapter will definitely include Jim, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, Jenny, Alexis, and Martha. Hopefully I'll be able to capture those characters accurately. I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of writing for Castle and Beckett, but getting the voices of all the other characters just right will probably take some work. **

**Okay, let's get back to the story now, shall we?**

"**Take care of our girl, Rick."**

"**Will do, Lanie."**

Castle absentmindedly flipped through the channels of the muted TV. It was just after midnight and while the world outside was hushed and quiet, his head was still a jumble of thoughts and emotions. This had without a doubt been the longest day of his life. When he thought back to getting dressed for Roy's funeral this morning? It felt like it was a lifetime away from where he was now.

Castle thought back to where he'd been just 24 hours before. He had slept poorly the night before the funeral. He couldn't stop tossing and turning as he'd remembered the Captain's words.

"I cannot make Beckett stand down, Castle. I never could. I figure the only one who can is you."

It was funny that Kate's dad had said something very similar to him.

"She cares about you, Rick. And unless you are a lot dumber than you look, I know you care about her. Don't let her throw her life away."

Castle's head felt like it was being tied in knots as he'd tried to come up with a way to get through to Kate. They'd been lucky, very lucky, that Kate hadn't been hurt at the airplane hangar. Castle had shuddered to think what might have happened if Captain Montgomery hadn't called him.

Castle knew that this whole ordeal was far from over. Lockwood might be dead, but there was still a bigger game at play. Castle had tried asking Kate to walk away once, and it'd ended every bit as bad as he'd expected it to. He was so glad that she was speaking to him again, that she'd let him back into her life despite the harsh things he'd said to her. He knew that she was devastated by the Captain's death. Roy was practically a surrogate father to her. But once that hurt started to heal, once the wound was less raw, he knew that Kate's resolve to find out who'd hired Lockwood would only be strengthened. How was he going to get her to see the danger that she was putting herself in? How could he save her from herself without having her shut him out again like she'd tried to do when she kicked him out of her apartment?

After several hours of those thoughts echoing through his head, Castle had finally given up on sleep altogether. He got up, dressed and showered just as dawn was breaking. He could tell by the sunrise that it was going to be a beautiful day. Clear, sunny, and breezy. It seemed so wrong for such beautiful weather to coincide with such a sad occasion as the Captain's funeral. Rick wasn't too big on organized religion, but he had to wonder if the Captain had a hand in the weather. It seemed like him to want to find something, anything that might temper the loss a bit. That might make his wife and daughters smile, even just for a moment.

Since the funeral wasn't until noon, Castle still had a lot of time to kill. By 6 am, he'd gotten dressed, cooked a stack of pancakes for Alexis and left them on the warmer, cleaned the kitchen, played six levels of Angry Bird, and had basically driven himself mad. He decided that he needed to get out of the apartment. He left a note for Alexis and Martha, telling him that he'd left early for the funeral to meet up with some other members of the precinct but that he'd see them there. He set off to his corner Starbucks where he'd picked up his usual: a venti cappuccino with extra foam for him and a grande latte with soy for Kate. He added a few pastries for good measure as he doubted that Kate would eat if he didn't force her to. He decided that he'd just show up at her apartment. He had a feeling that Kate'd probably had every bit as much trouble sleeping as he did, and he needed to see her. He knew it was irrational, but he needed to look at her, to feel the warmth of her skin, to see the pink blush of her cheeks that could reassure him that she was very much alive. And safe. At least for now.

Castle knocked on her apartment door just before 7 am, wondering if perhaps he'd made a mistake by showing up so early. Before he had time to re-think his decision, Kate had flung open the door, dressed only in a short pink robe, her shining hair giving off the scent of cherries, indicating that it was freshly washed and blow-dried.

If Kate found it strange that Castle was outside her door at 7 am, she didn't let on.

"Good morning, Castle. Want to come in?"

"Uhh, sure. I brought you breakfast. And caffeine. How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't. You?"

"Pretty much the same," Castle said with a sigh. He slipped onto a barstool at Kate's kitchen counter and passed over a bag of pastries. "Want to talk about it?" he asked Kate.

"Not really. You?" Kate answered honestly.

"No, not right now. Too tired to think straight. Today's going to be a long day."

Castle had no idea how true those words would end up being.

In the present, Castle was pulled from his thoughts by the feel of a slight pressure to his hand which was still wrapped tightly around Kate's. He looked up to Kate's pale face in the dim light and watched as she began to stir. Slowly, she drew in a breath and carefully opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. Her face looked tense for a moment before her eyes settled on Castle who was sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair beside her bed holding her hand and gazing at her face.

"Hey," Kate said simply, shocked by the rough hoarseness of her voice.

"Hi," said Castle, a tentative smile on his face that didn't quite cover the worry in his eyes.

"Mhmm," Kate mumbled, trying to get her bearings after feeling as if she'd been asleep for ages. "What time is it?"

"Almost 1," Castle replied.

"AM or PM?" Kate asked confusedly.

"AM," Rick responded.

"Same day?" she asked, feeling as if the events of the last 24 hours had taken place a lifetime ago.

"Well, technically it is after midnight which means it is a new day, but yeah."

"ICU?" Kate asked.

"Yep. Lovely accommodations, huh?"

"Not so much," Kate could hear the smile in his voice, even in the dark. She turned her head, trying to get a better look at him.

Castle noticed Kate squinting in the dim light. "Want me to turn on a light?" he asked.

"Yeah, not too bright though."

Castle reached over and turned on a small bedside lamp. "How's that?" he asked.

Kate looked at him. "Better. Hey, nice scrubs McDreamy," she joked as she noticed what he was wearing.

Castle let out an amused chuckle at her joke. Man, that's Kate for you. Takes a bullet to the chest and is still making jokes. God, he loved her.

Kate snickered slightly as Castle waggled his eyebrows back at her. Her snicker quickly turned to a wince as the laugh triggered a burning pain in her chest.

Castle's face turned serious in an instant as he leaned forward, his free hand going to her cheek.

"Easy...," he said. "You okay? Maybe I should call the nurse."

Kate drew in a breath, her eyes closing momentarily as she waited for the pain to pass. "Yeah, I'm okay. Let's hold off on the nurse for a minute. I want you to give me the run down on what's happened since the ambulance." Kate looked down at her heavily bandaged chest and the complicated-looking sling that was immobilizing her shoulder. "Start with my damage. What am I looking at in terms of recovery?"

Castle let out an involuntary sigh. This was not a conversation that he'd been looking forward to.

"That bad, huh?" Kate asked, trying for a breezy tone. But Castle could see that underneath the jokey tone, Kate was scared.

"No, no...it's just... You shouldn't have any injuries to deal with. I should have gotten to you sooner. If I'd..."

"Rick, stop," Kate commanded, her voice low but powerful. She saw him start to protest and continued, "No, I mean it. Stop. This is not your fault."

"Kate, I saw the muzzle flash. I knew what was going to happen about a half second before it did. If I'd gotten to you sooner..."

"If you'd gotten to me sooner, then you'd be the one laying here with a bullet in your chest and I'd be very, very unhappy with you for trying to take a bullet clearly meant for me."

Castle rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

Kate continued, "Rick, I'm the cop here. I signed up for this. You didn't. I'm the one who is supposed to protect you, not the other way around."

"Like hell, Kate. You are my partner. Do you remember what I told you in the back of the ambulance after you arrested Lockwood?"

"Yes. If I recall, I was thanking you for having my back..."

"Yes," Castle continued. "And what did I tell you? I said always. I meant it too. But I didn't have your back today and you almost ended up dead as a result."

"Castle, let's put it this way. The fact that you tried to step in front of a bullet for me is enough. More than enough. And trust me when I say that I'd have been really, really pissed at you if you'd ended up being the one who got shot, okay?" And before Castle could interject again and argue with Kate, she continued. "So...you were saying about my injuries?"

"Right," Castle said, all the while not failing to notice that Kate was trying desperately to change the subject. "Well, I'm guessing that you remember the chest tube?"

"Oh god," muttered Kate. "How could I forget?"

"Yeah, that was pretty rough. You're amazing, you know that?"

"You're not so bad yourself, Rick. Thank you, by the way."

Castle looked at her strangely, unsure as to what she was thanking him for.

"For being there. I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through that without you." Kate finished.

Castle gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand. "Shall I continue?"

"Please," Kate answered.

"Okay, well once they finally got the chest tube in, they sedated you. Your oxygen levels came up pretty quickly once they drained the fluid from your chest, but your BP was still pretty low even though they had given you several blood transfusions. They ended up draining a lot of blood from chest and they were worried that you'd nicked an artery or organ, so they decided to take you for a CT scan. Basically, the CT scan showed that the bullet had nicked the upper lobe of your right lung, but the good news is that it started to clot by the time the did the scan. So they decided that as long as your chest tube didn't start putting out a lot more blood and your BP stayed stable, they'd wait until morning to do surgery."

"Wait, I have to have surgery?"Kate groaned. "When you say morning, do you mean the morning that is like five hours away?"

"Yeah, sorry to say it, but you are on the schedule for first thing. I think around 7 or 7:30. I got one of the best cardiothoracic trauma surgeons from Mass Gen to agree to do the surgery, but he has to do it early because I guess he has afternoon patients in Boston or something."

"Wait, what?" Kate asked in shock. "You are flying in a surgeon from Boston for me? Are you kidding?"

"Not at all. I'm not taking chances when it comes to this delicate of an operation. Lanie helped me vet possible candidates. We chose this guy because he's one of the few surgeons who has a good track record with doing these kind of surgeries laparoscopically. Most surgeons we talked to said they'd need to crack your chest to repair the lung which Lanie said adds a good 4-6 months to the recovery. I didn't think you'd want that."

Kate just shook her head, speechless at the lengths Castle had already gone to for her. He was absolutely right that she'd much prefer a less invasive surgery if at all possible, but she couldn't even imagine how much money this had set him back.

"Umm, wow. Part of me wants to ask you how much money this is costing, but I think for now, I'm just going to shut up and say thank you, because just hearing the phrase "crack your chest" is enough to make me cringe."

Castle smiled, pleased that she was willing to let him help her, as he'd been worried that she would have a problem taking financial help from him. He made a mental note to make sure that she never found out how much the whole arrangement had actually set him back.

As Castle looked back at her, he thought he saw a trace of fear in her eyes. "Kate? What's wrong? Are you hurting?"

"No, I'm fine." Castle gave her a look that dared her to continue to bullshit him. "Okay fine, yeah my chest is hurting a bit but that's not what's bothering me right now."

"Okay then, what _is_ bothering you? And we're going to circle back to this discussion about pain. Your doctor was very clear that we need to stay on top of any pain in your chest to keep you from developing complications like pneumonia. So you can't hide that kind of stuff from me, got it? If you're hurting, I need to know."

Kate simply nodded. "Yeah, we can talk about that later."

"Kate?" called Castle. "Come on, talk to me. What is it?"

Kate looked down at the bed, her hand fidgeting with Castle's. "It's stupid..." she finally admitted.

"Kate, nothing you say could be stupid."

Kate let out a sigh. She looked back up at Castle, who was shocked to see her eyes filling with tears. "I just really don't want to have surgery. It freaks me out."

Castle squeezed her hand gently. He reached up with his other hand and gently wiped away a tear from Kate's cheek with his thumb. "That's not stupid," he said, while his hand left her cheek and began to slowly stroke her hair.

"What freaks you out about it?" he continued gently. "You've had surgery before, right?"

"Yeah," Kate responded. "That's part of the problem. The last time I had surgery, I had a bad experience."

"When was that?" Castle asked curiously.

Kate sighed. "I've only had surgery twice before. One time that you already know about."

Castle gave her a questioning look.

"When I was little..." Kate reminded. "I had my tonsils out."

"Ahh," Castle said, remembering her story. "That's right. Ice cream and Temptation Lane with your mom. That didn't sound so bad."

"It wasn't," said Kate quickly. "Well, it wasn't fun, exactly. I mean, I was pretty miserable at first. But my mom definitely made it tolerable. Somehow she managed to turn the whole ordeal into a good memory."

"Yeah," Castle agreed, smiling a little as he remembered how touched he'd been when she'd spontaneously shared that story with him.

"So when was the second time you had surgery?"

Kate looked down at the mattress again, and Castle could see in her eyes just how hard it was for her to get the words out.

"It was about four years ago. I got appendicitis."

Castle nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"I was actually on vacation when it started. I had a bunch of vacation days saved up that I needed to use, and it seemed like as good a time as any to take them. It was..." Kate's voice broke off. She took a deep breath. "It was getting close to the anniversary of my mom's death, so I'd planned to just lay low. Try to get my dad out of the house, I guess."

Kate continued. "Anyways, I was feeling kind of crappy during the day, but I just figured I eaten some bad sushi or something. But by midnight, I was in agony and knew something else was probably wrong. I called Lanie, and she ended up taking me to the ER. When I finally saw the ER doctor, he diagnosed me with appendicitis, but said that they'd caught it early. He decided that my surgery could wait until morning because I wasn't at a high risk of infection since my appendix hadn't ruptured."

Kate began to fidget nervously with Castle's hand again, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his knuckles. She continued, "By this point, it was almost three in the morning. Lanie had a high profile autopsy on the schedule for 11 AM that morning and we were both exhausted. She offered to cancel the autopsy or find a replacement, but I told her that was silly. I figured since I was having surgery at 8 AM, I'd be completely out of it until at least late afternoon, so I told her to go home and get some rest and just come see me after she finished the autopsy."

"What about your dad? Didn't you call him?" asked Castle.

"No, not until a day after my surgery. He'd...he'd fallen off the wagon a few weeks before. Briefly, but still. I knew he'd been having a rough time. And I figured that hearing that his only daughter was in the hospital, having surgery on the anniversary of his wife's death... I just thought it would be too much for him."

"So...you were all alone?" Castle asked gently, attempting to fill in the blanks.

Kate nodded slowly. "Yeah, I really figured it would be no big deal. It would have been fine, except I had a weird reaction to the anesthesia."

"You did? What happened?"

Kate let out a sigh. "It's hard to explain exactly. Basically, I woke up from anesthesia crying and couldn't stop for almost three hours. I remember at the time feeling as if I was in this weird place between a dream and reality. All of these old emotions came rushing back. I just remember really, really wanting my mom to be there. And even though a part of me knew rationally that she'd been gone for a really long time, I felt like I was losing her all over again somehow."

Castle wiped away another tear that had slipped down Kate's cheek. "Oh Kate," he breathed. "That must have been awful. To go through that alone...I can't imagine."

"Yeah, it was weird. One of the nurses told me later that they'd tried just about everything they could think of to calm me down. Apparently they loaded me up with some pretty heavy sedatives, but I still wouldn't stop crying. They were freaking out a bit because I was hyperventilating enough that I managed to pull out a few of my stitches."

"Jesus, Kate. What finally made you stop?"

"Lanie. Eventually, she got there and took one look at me and crawled right into my hospital bed. She didn't say anything, she just rubbed my back while I cried. A lot like my mom used to, actually. And eventually I fell asleep."

Kate worked up the courage to look up from the blanket and into Castle's eyes, her own eyes still thick with unshed tears. "I've never told anyone that before."

Castle stroked her cheek gently. "Thanks for telling me, Kate."

"You're welcome, Rick. So I guess you can see why I'm not looking forward to the morning."

"Yeah, I get it, Kate. But there's one big difference about tomorrow. You won't have to be alone. Not for a minute. You're going to have a waiting room full of people just waiting to see you."

"But Rick...what if it happens again? I don't want everyone to see me like that."

"I'll make you a deal. You know I'm not going anywhere. I'll make sure that I'm there holding your hand when you wake up, okay? And if it happens again, I'll do what Lanie did. I happen to be a world-class back-rubber."

"You promise, Rick? I really don't think I can do it without you."

"I promise, honey. I'll be the first thing you see, okay?"

"Castle?" Beckett called tentatively.

"Yeah Kate?"

"What you said right after I was shot... did you mean it? Or was it like a "she might be dying so I should tell her I love her like a friend" kind of thing?"

"I meant every word, Kate. I do love you. And the shooting just gave me a really good reason to say what I'd already been feeling for a long time." Castle looked directly into her eyes as he told Kate how he felt, wanting to make sure that she truly heard every word.

"Rick, I..."

"Wait Kate, let me say something first. I wanted you to know how I feel, but I'm not in any way trying to pressure you, okay? Right now all I care about is that you are okay. I want to be here for you in any way that I can, whether that is as a friend or as something more. You don't need to say anything."

"Rick. Stop. I love you too, you idiot." Kate said, a shy smile on her face as she watched his mouth drop open in shock.

"You do? Wow, I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that. Damn, I wish I could kiss you right now."

"What's stopping you?" asked Kate teasingly.

"Hmm, the oxygen mask covering your mouth, for starters. This will have to do for now, but...rain check?" Rick asked, leaning over to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Yes, definitely rain check," Kate responded, shooting for a throaty teasing tone but unfortunately the words came out sounding more like a hoarse wheeze.

The change in her voice wasn't lost on Castle. He glanced at his watch, seeing that it nearly 2 AM.

"Alright Kate, time for your pain medicine and some rest," he commanded, reaching over to hit the nurse call button. "They're going to be waking you up in like 4 hours to prep you for surgery."

Before Kate could even protest, a petite red-headed nurse in purple scrubs walked through the door, pushing a portable monitor in front of her.

"Did you need something Mr. Castle?" she asked, before noticing that her patient was awake for the first time since reaching the ICU.

"Ahh Detective...you're awake! How are you feeling?"

Kate smiled at the nurse, finding something instantly comforting in her mannerisms. "Please, call me Kate," she responded.

"Kate Beckett, meet Amy, one of your two private nurses," Castle responded by way of introduction.

Kate looked at him strangely. "Did you say private nurse? Castle, what all have you been up to?"

Castle put up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, hey, this idea actually didn't come from me, I just helped with the arrangements. Ryan and Esposito pointed out that we needed more than a standard background check on anyone who was going to have access to you. Otherwise, all Lockwood's boss would need to do would be to hire someone with a nursing degree and a false ID to finish you off. So, we decided to hire our own staff. Amy works in home healthcare with a private security company that provides round the clock care and protection for VIPs. She also happens to be the best in the business when it comes to skilled nursing care and physical medicine and rehabilitation. So, this way you'll have continuity of care for as long as you need the medical help. Amy's on nights and you'll meet the other nurse Jaime who will be on days a little later this morning."

Kate could only shake her head in amazement at all of the planning that Rick, Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito must have taken on in the last few hours to make these arrangements so quickly.

"Hi Amy, it's nice to meet you."

"You too, Detective...I mean Kate. I'm going to go ahead and take your vitals, okay?"

Kate nodded, suddenly exhausted and more than a little sore.

Castle cleared his throat and began to speak. "Amy, Kate's been complaining of some pain in her chest. I was just starting to tell her why it is so important that she lets us know as soon as she starts to have any pain or difficulty breathing."

Amy nodded. "He's absolutely right, Kate. You sustained a pretty severe injury to your right lung. You were lucky that the bleeding slowed, but because of your age and history of taking oral contraceptives, you are at a higher risk of developing blood clots. Pain and shortness of breath are often the only symptoms of clot developing or migrating. If a clot dislodges, it can travel to your heart, brain, or center of your lung and cause a heart attack, stroke, or pulmonary embolism, respectively. Plus, you are at high risk of developing pneumonia due to the fluid build-up in your chest and the chest tube. The best thing you can do to prevent pneumonia is to breathe deeply at least once an hour. Once you get out of surgery tomorrow, respiratory therapy will set you up with something called an incentive spirometer that measures the volume of air you are inhaling and allows us to track your lung functioning. Often what happens after an injury like yours is that a patient has pain when they breathe deeply so they end up breathing shallowly which eventually leads to fluid build-up and pneumonia. But if you tell us when your chest is hurting, we can keep on top of your pain so that you are able to breathe deeply more comfortably. You'll probably be on some pretty heavy duty painkillers tomorrow after your surgery, but once we get your post-operative pain managed, we will switch you to something called a PCA pump which will allow you to self-administer your own pain medicine. That way you won't have to call me every time you feel a twinge."

Kate listened carefully to the nurse's directions, trying hard not to let her fear show through as Amy talked about fatal blood clots and major surgery. "Okay well, if I'm being honest, my chest is hurting more than a little bit right now."

Castle tightened his grip on her hand and opened his mouth to comment, or perhaps to scold Kate for keeping him in the dark that her pain had worsened. But before he could get a word out, the monitor beeped, signaling that Kate's vitals were ready to be displayed.

Castle looked over at the monitor, but was unable to read the output from the angle of the machine.

"How do her vitals look, Amy?" asked Castle with concern.

"About the same," was Amy's reply. "Kate, your blood pressure is still a little lower than we'd like at 90/70, but it's been a few hours since your last transfusion and it looks like your chest tube output has been just over 500 mL since then. I'm going to go ahead and set you up with another unit of blood and one of packed cells. That way we can top you off so to speak before you go back into surgery. Your heart rate is a bit elevated too at 115 beats per minute, but that's probably in response to the pain. Your oxygen level is holding steady at 95% which is great. I'm going to go ahead and give you another dose of pain medication. We're going to try Demerol instead of Morphine this time because it has a slightly longer half life which means it should last you until it's time to start prepping you for surgery but will still be out of your system before your surgery is scheduled to start so we won't have to worry about any interactions with the anesthesia they're going to give you. I'm also giving you Phenergan which is a medication for nausea since Demerol tends to be a little harder on the stomach. It's also time for your next dose of Valium. It will help you sleep, but it is also a skeletal muscle relaxant that helps prevent spasms. With a long-term chest tube in, it isn't uncommon for the muscles of your diaphragm or even your bronchial tubes to start to spasm. When that happens, it is incredibly painful and can also cause breathing difficulties if the bronchospasm cuts off oxygenation. So, you'll be getting a dose of Valium every 4-6 hours until the chest tube is out. And finally, I need to give you your pre-transfusion meds of Benadryl and Tylenol. They're given anytime you are given a blood transfusion to lessen the likelihood of an allergic reaction to the blood products." As Amy listed off each medication, she pulled out syringes of varying sizes carefully drew up the correct doses.

"Holy crap, that is a lot of medicines," responded Kate exhaustedly.

Amy laughed. "You haven't seen the half of it. Wait until you see all the post-surgery meds they've got you on. Alright, I'm putting your pain med in first. It might sting a bit. Okay, great. One down, four more to go. Okay, Phenergan's next. This one can't go into your IV. I'm going to put it in your hip, okay?" As she spoke, she carefully pulled back the blanket slightly and lifted the detective's gown, exposing the skin of her hip while being careful to preserve her modesty by keeping the rest of her lower body covered. Amy pulled open an alcohol swab, rubbed it across Kate's hip, pulled the cap off the syringe, pinched a small area of flesh, and cleanly slid in the needle, depressing the plunger slowly as she did so. "Big stick," Amy warned as she slid in the needle. "This one's going to burn like hell going in, too."

Kate sucked in a hiss of pain as she felt an intense burning that signaled the medication being dispersed into her hip. "Ouch," she cried, crushing Castle's hand against hers as she did so.

"Sorry," said Amy, rubbing the skin over Kate's hip to help the medication dissipate into the soft tissue more quickly. "That one's like battery acid going in, I'm afraid. Now you know why we can't put it in your IV. It would literally burn up your veins." Amy placed a small bandaid over the puncture wound and pulled down Kate's gown and rearranged her blanket.

"Okay, now for the Valium. This one goes in your IV too, but I've got to push it slowly over two minutes." Amy reported, connecting the syringe to one of the IV ports and slowly depressing the lever, pushing in only a milligram of the medication at a time.

Castle looked up at Kate as Amy continued to administer yet another medication. Already her lids were becoming heavy, signaling that the Demerol was starting to do its job.

"How you feeling, Kate? Is the Demerol kicking in yet?"

"Yeah, it's starting to."

"Good. Is the pain gone?"

"Yeah, just about."

"You look tired, sweetheart. Close your eyes. You need to rest before your surgery, okay? I'll be right here when you wake up." Castle resumed stroking her hair, trying to gently lull her to sleep and reassure her with his touch that he hadn't left.

"Okay... 'Night, Cas-sul," Kate slurred, the haze of pain medication unmistakeable now.

"Riiick?" Kate called out just as her eyes finally slid close.

"Yeah Kate?"

"Luh-vvv you."

Castle smiled at his good fortune as he bent down to kiss her forehead. "I love you too, Kate. Go to sleep."

**So, what did you think of this chapter? Are you excited to see that Castle and Beckett are "semi-official" now? There will be more discussion of their developing relationship to come including a small appearance by Doctor Motorcycle Boy in an upcoming chapter. Yes, I haven't forgotten about him (although I sometimes wish I could), and so you'll get to hear what went down with him and Beckett. But of course, I'll make sure that nothing gets in the way of Caskett. I've already started on the next chapter and will either post it later tonight or early tomorrow. **

**In answer to a question I've gotten a few times in my reviews lately about where all the medical knowledge comes from - it truly comes from a mix of personal and professional experiences... I'd have to say that that more of the knowledge has come from my personal medical issues than I'd probably like. For example, I've had 9 surgeries and a few blood transfusions and have been given every one of the medications that Beckett is given in the chapter. Phenergan does indeed burn like hell going in and Valium does have to be administered quite slowly if given by IV push (usually no faster than 5 mg per minute). But no, I've never been shot or had a chest tube put in. However, I have been in the room while one was put in somoeone else once, and it is every bit as violent and awful as it sounds. So, the medical research component has come in more with describing some of the gunshot wound complications. You'd be shocked at what you can find on Google if you know how to look. Anyways, I'm glad that other people are appreciative of medical details as they are something that I've spent a lot of time making sure that I get right. And on that note, I'm off to work on the next chapter. If you like what you're reading so far, please review. If you have any suggestions for plot threads to incorporate into future chapters or are interested in beta-ing a future chapter, please message me. Thanks for reading :)**


	9. When the Road Gets Dark

**Hello again! Sorry it took me a little longer to get this chapter up, but I had a hard time writing this one as it is kind of a transition scene. The scene initially started out as one ridiculously long chapter, but once I hit 9,000 words, I decided I should probably split it into two. As a result, this chapter isn't really my favorite chapter as it is just setting the stage for a couple of big Caskett moments to come more than anything else. So bear with me and know that good things are just around the corner. The title of this chapter comes from John Hiatt's "Have a Little Faith in Me" a song I've been listening to on repeat while I wrote this chapter.**

**So, as of midnight tonight, I've reached 79 reviews, 48 favs, and an astonishing 115 alerts. Wow, have I mentioned how amazing you are yet? Special thanks go to my recent reviewers Rachy474, Reader4077, texasloves9, solo-girl-br, lelizabeth, caskettcoffeemachine, I'm Widget, AALiz, Chkgun93, Keronshara, Senuna, ReadingWalter, & cajun panda. **

_**Castle smiled at his good fortune as he bent down to kiss her forehead. "I love you too, Kate. Go to sleep."**_

Castle awoke to the sound of Kate gasping for air. He was at her side in a flash, his hand having not left hers all night. Dawn was starting to break outside and he could see slivers of pale light sliding through the partially closed blinds and bouncing off her pale, pain-stricken face.

His hand went to her forehead, brushing back a lock of sweat-dampened hair before speaking. "Kate? Honey, are you okay? What is it?"

"Castle...chest hurts...bad." Kate got out with some difficulty.

"Okay sweetheart, I'll call Amy," he responded, making to reach for the call button on the other side of the bed. "Just hang on, Kate."

Kate shook her head and drew her eyes closed in pain. "Already did...a second ago. On her way."

Castle nodded as his eyes went back to her face. "Okay good...how long have you been up?"

"Just a minute or two," Kate responded tiredly. "This...sucks."

"I know, Kate. Did you sleep at all?"

"Little bit...not well, though." Kate crushed Rick's hand against hers as she struggled to take a breath. "Don't like...this. Why is...it so...much...worse?" she managed to gasp out with some difficulty.

"Worse than yesterday?" asked Castle, panicky.

"Worse than...last night...not worse...than chest tube." Kate's eyes fluttered closed momentarily and a single tear ran down her cheek.

Something inside Castle snapped as he watched the track of Kate's tear down her trembling cheek. He was on his feet in an instant. "Kate, something's not right. I'm going to track down Amy. You shouldn't be having this much trouble breathing or be in this pain."

Kate gripped Castle's hand tightly as he stood, as if daring him to leave her side. "No Rick...please. Need you...here. Need...your hand. Just call Amy." Her eyes were serious but also a bit scared.

Castle stood momentarily, seeming unsure as to whether he should stay or leave to find help. But looking into Kate's eyes, he could see how hard she was trying to hold herself together, and could see just how shaky her hold truly was at moment. "Okay Kate...I'll stay. Hang on."

Castle lifted the nurse call button and pressed the intercom to page Amy. Within seconds, he could hear Amy's reassuring voice come through the speaker:

"Hey Kate, you hanging in there? I'm on hold on the other line with your anesthesiologist and am just trying to get him to sign off on your pain med orders for this morning so that I can make sure we don't give you something that is going to interact badly with the anesthesia. Sorry it has taken so long to get him on the phone."

Before Kate could gasp out a response, Castle was explaining the situation. "Amy, it's Rick. I need you to get in here. Something's wrong. She's having trouble breathing and the pain seems to be getting worse. She's having a lot more trouble than she was last night."

"I'm on my way. I'll be right there." replied Amy quickly.

Before Castle could even put down the call button, Kate's monitor started to alarm. He looked up in shock to see that her pulse oxygenation was blinking 88%. He glanced at the other numbers and noticed that her blood pressure read 80/60 which was lower than it had been the night before. Rick felt his palms start to sweat as the monitors continued to blare, confirming his fear that something was wrong.

"Kate? Honey, try to take slow, deep breaths. I know your chest hurts but your oxygen level is going down. You've got to breathe, Kate." Castle brought his hand to temple and gently stroked her hair as he spoke, trying desperately to reassure her with his touch.

The door swung open as Amy quickly entered the room, pulling a portable monitor behind her. A second young man dressed in blue scrubs whose name tag read "Jaime" followed close behind.

"Hey guys. Okay, let's see what's going on." said Amy, sounding concerned but not panicked. She pressed a few buttons on the monitor attached to Kate's IV pole. "Kate, can you tell me what you're feeling? It looks like you are having some trouble breathing. I'm going to turn up your oxygen, okay?" she said, turning a lever on the O2 port on the wall behind her patient's head.

Kate nodded weakly, her eyes increasingly showing fear as she found it harder and harder to draw a deep breath. "Feels like...I can't...draw in a deep...breath. My chest...burns really...bad when...I try...to breathe."

Amy nodded. "Kate, can you point to where it hurts in your chest?"

Kate nodded. Slowly, painfully, she relaxed her grip on Castle's hand and pointed to her ribs on her right side, near where her chest tube had been inserted less than 24 hours. As soon as she pointed to the sorest spot in her chest, her hand was weakly reaching for Castle's. He grasped it gratefully and continued to gently stroke her hair as he tensely watched the nurses work.

"Okay Jaime, let's take a look at her chest tube. I checked the output at 2 am and it was holding steady at 500 mL and I emptied the canister. How much output has she had since then?" As she spoke, Amy gently pulled back Kate's gown to expose her injured right side and carefully listened to her patient's chest with a stethoscope.

Jaime looked down in shock before responding. "Almost no output. Barely 100 mL I'd estimate."

"Shit," Amy called, blushing slightly as she realized that she's cursed in front of her VIP patient. "The tube must be kinked or clogged. Jaime, can you step out and quickly ask another one of the ICU staff to page her surgeon and anesthesiologist 9-1-1 to her room. Make sure that they know that her chest tube has stopped draining. Then grab a syringe of heparin in case we need to break up a clot."

Amy quickly strode to the other side of the room as Jaime left to follow her instructions without a word. She carefully pulled aside's Kate gown, exposing the chest tube that was snaking between her ribs and into her chest. Almost immediately, she could see the problem. A large blood clot had exited the tube, presumably traveling from Kate's lung but had lodged in the tube, slowing blood flow from the tube into the canister to a small trickle.

"Ahh, I think I see the problem," called Amy to the room in general.

"What is it?" asked Castle frantically.

"Mr. Castle, can you see this blood clot that's blocking the tube? It looks like it got stuck after it passed out of the lung and has been blocking blood from flowing out of the tube. My guess is that enough blood's backed up in the tube that it is starting to compress her lung again. That's why her O2 levels are falling." Amy explained, looking back up to confirm that in the short time they'd been speaking, Kate's O2 levels had dropped further to 84%. As Amy looked back to her patient, she could see that Kate's lips had just started to take on a slightly bluish tint.

"What do we do?" asked Castle, worried in the face of the newest complication.

"Well, we need to break up the clot so that blood can drain again. Jaime went to get a medication called heparin that we use to reduce clotting. Hopefully, we can break up the clot chemically, but if not, we would need to replace the tube so that Kate could breathe better. She's also probably going to need another blood transfusion because she'll lose a lot of blood rather than quickly once we restore suction and all that blood that's built up in her chest starts to drain again."

"Jesus..." Castle muttered worriedly. "Will this affect her surgery?"

Amy shook her head. "Probably not. If anything, it just reinforces why the surgeon needs to get in and repair her lung and make sure that there are no loose blood clots that could migrate. As soon as Jaime gets back..."

Amy was interrupted by Jaime crashing through the door, the anesthesiologist close behind him.

"Hi Mrs. Beckett, my name is Dr. Adams. I'm going to be your anesthesiologist today. I heard we've got a clot that we need to break up," he continued as he walked around the bed to examine the tube, nodding as he took in the size and location. "Okay Amy, I think we can probably break it up with heparin, don't you think? I'd hate to replace the chest tube unless absolutely necessary because I don't want to do anything that's going to potentially cause more bleeding into her lung until we get her into the OR. Let's try putting the heparin in that drainage port right there. What was her average chest tube output before the tube was blocked? I just want to make sure we have enough blood products on hand since her BP's bottoming out at 80/60."

"Output's been stable at 500 – 750 mL per four hours. We've got two units O neg and two of packed cells already on the floor to transfuse in pre-op but we're going to have to call the blood bank if we need more than that." responded Jaime quickly.

"Okay, let's put the first 2 units of O-Neg on the rapid infuser and get ready to run them as soon as we restore drainage from the tube. We'll keep an eye on her BP and chest tube output. Hopefully, 2 units of blood and 2 of packed cells will be enough. But I'll feel a hell of a lot better if we can go into surgery with her BP at 100/80 or higher.

Castle found his thoughts drifting as he watched medical personnel fill the room, bringing additional equipment and shouting orders back and forth that sounded like gibberish to him despite the amount of medical research he'd done for his various novels, not to mention the extensive research he'd completed in the last twelve hours regarding Kate's injury, various surgical approaches, possible complications, and recovery process. At the moment, the only thing that mattered to him was doing what he could to soothe the pain and fear that was increasingly being displayed by the woman he loved. At the moment, Kate's hand was so tightly wrapped around his that it was cutting off circulation to his hand. Her face was tensed in pain, and he could see the subtle sheen of sweat on her brow and bluish tint to her lips that only served to highlight the reality that Kate's fears were currently well-founded. He was reminded of what Lanie had told him the day before. He couldn't panic or Kate would do so too. So, he focused on calming Kate with his touch, hoping that the feel of his hand in hers, the touch of his hand on her brow and in her hair could ground her. The truth was that Castle needed that touch every bit as much as Kate did if only to reassure himself by the touch of her warm skin and the sensation of her hand tightly clutching his that she was alive and fighting right now.

Everyone in the room held their breath as Amy carefully slipped a syringe into the drainage port at the top of Kate's chest tube and slowly depressed the heparin around the blood clot. As Castle watched in amazement, the clear liquid in the syringe slowly mixed with the dark purplish clot. Within seconds, the suction had started to slowly pull the clot down the length of the tube. As it moved, it seemed to break up more and more, causing it to slide even faster towards the waiting canister. Within a minute, the clot had been cleared. While Castle was nearly giddy with relief at seeing the clot move, he could tell that the other members of the medical team were still unsure as they continued to stare tensely at the tube, seeming to be waiting for something else to happen. After nearly minute, Castle watched as dark red blood began to pour out of the tube and drain into the canister. At this sight, the anesthesiologist and nurses finally cracked a smile.

"Whew, it looks like the lung is draining again," Amy said in relief. "Kate, we've got the tube opened up again so it should start to get easier to breathe soon. It's going to take a little time to drain all of the blood that backed up into your chest, but you should start to feel some relief soon. How's the pain in your chest?"

"Still...hurts," said Kate tiredly, trying hard not to let her exhaustion and anxiety make way into sobs as she felt on the verge of doing at the moment.

"Right. I can help with that," said Dr. Adams, removing two syringes from the pocket of his lab coat. He looked at Kate's monitors first to confirm that her O2 levels had come back up to nearly 90% but frowned at her BP which still read 80/60. Before he could direct the other nurse, he noticed that Jaime was drawing up pre-transfusion meds as he hung two units of blood on the rapid infuser. "Amy, when was her last dose of painmeds?"

"She got 50 mg of Demerol about 1:45 AM."

Dr. Adams looked at his watch, confirming that it was just after 6 AM. "Okay, I'm going to give her Fentanyl since that's what I use operatively anyways. It also tends to drop BP less than other pain mess and I really want to try to get her BP up before we start her operation. I'm going to give 50 mcg to start and 5 mg of Valium. Ms. Beckett, I'm going to give you two medications in your IV to help with pain and relax you before surgery, okay? They should kick in within a few minutes, but I have to give them to you slowly so that I can make sure it doesn't affect your breathing too much. Is it getting easier to breathe?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah...I just feel really dizzy."

Dr. Adams nodded his head sympathetically. "Yes, you are probably feeling light-headed because we are draining a whole lot of blood from your chest at once right now through the chest tube which is making your blood pressure pretty low. I'm going to lower the head of your bed a bit which should help with the dizziness. He carefully lowered the head of the bed until it was level with the rest of her body, allowing blood to travel to her brain more easily without the added pressure of gravity to work against. "Jaime, let's give her a fluid bolus along with the blood transfusion, okay?"

Jaime nodded and began to attach a bag of IV saline to one of the detective's many IV ports.

"Okay Ms. Beckett, I'm going to put the first medicine in your IV now. I actually have a few questions for you about your health history while I'm here. You think you could answer them for me?"

Again Kate could only nod. While she could hear everything being said around her, she felt as if the words were coming to her down a long tunnel, the sounds slightly distorted and echoing through her head. There were black spots at the corners of her vision and she felt as if she could faint at any moment. Despite how she was feeling, she tried desperately to respond normally, not wanting to let on how weak she felt at the moment. She kept a tight grasp on Rick's hand, feeling for the thousandth time in the last 24 hours as if his hand were the only thing anchoring her to the earth.

Rick continued to watch Kate carefully, not liking the dazed, distant look she had in her eyes. This look was present before the doctor began administering any of her medications, making him wonder how well Kate could see her surroundings as she seemed to be looking through most people at the moment. While her beautiful lips had regained a bit of their gorgeous rose color instead of the faint bluish tint, she was still chalky pale underneath the oxygen mask, her pale skin seeming nearly translucent in the wan early morning light. He watched as some of the tension left her face with the administration of the pain medication through her IV. However, Kate's forehead was still covered in a cold sweat and she looked woozy and out of it despite the pain relief.

"Hey Kate, how you feeling? Are you still hurting a lot?"

Kate struggled to open her eyes at the sound of Castle's voice. Once she opened her eyes, she found it hard to find him as her vision was increasingly blurred and her field of vision seemed to be narrowing, giving the odd impression of looking at her surroundings through a long tunnel, making it feel as if Castle was sitting far away despite feeling his hand in hers and his soft touch close against her clammy forehead.

"Pain's getting better... I just feel...weird. Out of it," Kate responded weakly.

Castle made a face. "Weird how?"

"Dizzy...faint. Just weird."

Castle looked to Amy and Dr. Adams in concern. Dr. Adams continued to slowly push in the Valium, his eyes carefully trained on Kate's vital signs. Her oxygen level had come up 92% but her blood pressure remained stubbornly set at 80/60 and her heart rate fluttered away at 120 bpm.

Amy leaned over to check the rapidly filling suction canister attached to the bedside. "Whew, looks like her chest tube output is almost up to 400 mL. I think she is just losing blood faster than we can replace it. Do you think we should consider using pressors to get her BP up a bit? We've transfused one unit so I'm going to switch her over to packed cells now. I can call down to the blood bank to get some more blood on standby."

Dr. Adams nodded in response. "Let's do that, Amy. I'd request 4 more units of blood to be safe. I'm going to try to avoid pressors pre-surgery if I can because I'm worried that she's really going to need them once we get into the OR and start trying to repair her lung. Let's check on her surgeon's status too, because it may be worth getting started early if possible because it seems like the bleeding in her chest is picking up. Ms. Beckett? Right now the best thing you can do is just to rest and let your body catch up. I just finished pushing the Valium so between that and the Fentanyl, you should be getting pretty sleepy. As long as your oxygen levels stay stable like they are now, there's no reason why you shouldn't sleep. I'm sure your friend here can answer the pre-surgery questions for me."

Castle watched as Kate's eyes briefly slipped close only to have her wrench them open again only seconds later, looking around the room panic-stricken. Castle felt the iPhone in his pocket vibrate for the third time in the last few minutes. Probably from one of Kate's many well-wishers asking for an update or letting him know they were on the way to the hospital for a visit.

"Rick...," Kate whispered, seemingly too tired to complete the thought. "The surgery..."

"I know, Kate. The doctor is right though. You barely slept last night and your body is exhausted. I'll still stay with you until they start the surgery. I know your dad, Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan were planning to come see you before the surgery started and Martha was going to bring Alexis by sometime today too since they are both worried sick about you. We'll wake you up before they bring you back to the OR to say goodbye, and I already talked to Amy about making sure that I'm able to come back to the recovery room as soon as they bring you out of surgery. I'll be there when you wake up, I promise."

Amy nodded, trying to further reassure her patient. Mr. Castle had explained Kate's fear of surgery to her last night when Amy came in to do her 4 am vitals check. Amy had already witnessed the powerful calming effect the handsome writer had on the detective. She'd watched in amazement as her patient's heart rate spiked every time Mr. Castle wasn't physically touching her. It seemed his touch had the power to boost Kate's oxygenation and even lower her heart rate. It made sense that after the trauma Detective Beckett had experienced that she needed her partner in order to feel safe. If half of what she'd read in the tabloids was true about the pair, Mr. Castle had saved the detective's life on more than one occasion already.

"Okay, but Rick? Wake me up...as soon as everyone else...gets...here. Need to talk...to my dad. Don't let...go of...m'hand...proh-miss?" Kate was slurring her words now and her eyes were half-lidded, heavy with sleep. She carefully lifted her left hand with Rick's hand still wrapped possessively in hers and rested it over her heart.

Castle gently kissed her forehead as her eyes slid close. "I promise, sweetheart. I'll be here. Always." He watched her carefully, reassured by the slackness in her face which indicated a relief from pain and the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

**So what did you think of this chapter? I'll admit that I'm kind of meh on it, but I needed to have it to set the story as you'l hopefully see in the next chapter. Speaking of which, I've almost finished the next chapter and will post it tomorrow. I promise that you'll see appearances from Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, Jim, Alexis, and Martha in the next chapter. I spent a lot of time watching scenes from the finale as I wrote, trying hard to get the voices of their characters just right. So please keep reading and tell me how I did. And despite my ambivalence, what did you think of this chapter? Any suggestions for plot threads going forward? I've outlined the next three chapters, but the story is sort of an open book after that, so here's your chance to let me know if there is a character or scene you are dying to see in an upcoming chapter. Please keep reviewing so that I can stay inspired and hopefully continue to improve my writing going forward. Thanks again for reading :)**


	10. Feels Like Home to Me

**Like I said in my author's note in the last chapter, this was initially written as one giant chapter in combination with the last chapter before I decided to split it due to the length. I definitely went back and forth on that because it made the last chapter a little dry and heavy on the medical jargon while this chapter hopefully has a lot more character moments. Going forward, I'm hoping to do a better job balancing the two. I've brought all of our favorite characters back into the story in this chapter. I tried my best to make their voices as true to character as possible, but I'm depending on you to tell me how well I captured Esposito, Lanie, Ryan, Jim, Alexis, and Martha. With all of their dialogue, this chapter ended up being over 8,000 words. Wow! Hopefully, it is still a quick read since it a character and dialogue heavy scene and I was able to take care of most of the clunky exposition in the previous chapter.**

**I'm up to 95 reviews! Wow! Special thanks go to recent reviewers Nat, chezchuckles, Senuna, texasloves9, Rachy474, I'm Widget, caskettcoffeemachine, Tvmusiclover, gloriajv, Sat44124, baterista9, Scousedancer, caskettfan12, Keronshara, Chkgun93, & Googie. Think we can make it 100 by tomorrow?**

**Two editorial notes: I've included several text messages in the story below. The text messages are in italics to separate them from the rest of the dialogue and are written in text format with the message recipient and time sent in italics and bold to the left of the message. I'm not sure if there is a standard way to indicate text messages in stories, but hopefully this works. I also included a flashback in this chapter. In order to make it clearer when this happens in the future, I've italicized the flashback and noted the beginning and end of the flashback using "FLASHBACK – 48 HOURS PRIOR" and "END FLASHBACK." Hat tip to Keronshara for this suggestion and a special thanks to chezchuckles for other editorial advice via private message. You guys rock! Okay, back to the story...**

_**Castle gently kissed her forehead as her eyes slid close. "I promise, sweetheart. I'll be here. Always." He watched her carefully, reassured by the slackness in her face which indicated a relief from pain and the gentle rise and fall of her chest. **_

After ensuring that Kate was indeed asleep, Castle slid his left hand from her cheek and reached for the buzzing iPhone. 6 missed texts. Damn. He scrolled through the messages quickly.

_**Lanie Parrish (6:08 am): **__Hey Castle, how's our girl doing? Is she up yet? I'm headed there now and I'm going to stop for coffee on the way. What can I bring you? I'm guessing you need caffeine more than me right now._

At the moment, nothing sounded better to Castle than a hot cup of coffee. He glanced at the time. It was 6:14 am now. Hopefully Lanie hadn't made it to the coffee cart yet, because he needed caffeine in the worst way. He quickly typed out a response with his left thumb, grateful that his experience with his teenage daughter made him a master at texting, even one-handed.

_**To Lanie Parrish: **__Hey Lanie. Coffee sounds wonderful. I'd love a cappuccino. Biggest they've got. Kate and I didn't get much sleep last night. She's been up but they just gave her some pain meds so she's napping. She's had a bad AM...I'm a bit worried. Get here soon so you can tell me she's fine._

Castle hit send on the text to Lanie and scrolled back to his incoming messages, seeing two texts from Alexis and one from his mother.

_**Alexis (5:45 am): **__Dad, when's Beckett's surgery? I want to come see her. I couldn't sleep last night b/c I was so worried about her...and you. Det. Ryan stayed here last night and said he'd take us to the hospital if it was okay with you._

_**Alexis (6:05 am): **__Dad, call me AS SOON AS you wake up. Is Beckett okay? I'm going to get in the shower so I'll be ready to come to the hospital when you call. Love you. _

Castle shook his head, marveling at how much his daughter cared for the beautiful woman laying before him. Kate was so loved. He hoped she knew that. He opened another message, this time from his mother.

_**Mother (6:12 am): **__Alexis is literally vibrating with worry. Det. Ryan offered to drive us to the hospital. I think Alexis needs to see her dad. She had a rough night. We both did. We're on our way. What's Kate's room number? See you soon. Love you._

Castle was just preparing to text Alexis a quick response when an incoming call from a number he didn't recognize caused his phone to vibrate yet again.

Castle picked up the line immediately, answering tentatively. "Hello, this is Rick Castle."

"Hey Rick, it's Jim. Jim Beckett. I hope you don't mind that I got your number from Katie's cell phone. I just got here to NYU Med but forgot Katie's room number."

"Hey Jim. We're up in the ICU on the 6th floor. Her room number is 624, in the private room at the end of the hall."

"Great, I'm on my way up. Can I bring you anything? You need coffee or something to eat? I'm betting you didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh I appreciate it, but I think Lanie's bringing me coffee. That should do for now. Kate's napping at the moment, but she told me she wanted to talk to you, so I'm glad you're here. They've been talking about possibly bringing her back for surgery a little early. I can fill you in on the rest once you get here."

"Okay Rick. See you in a few. 624, right?

"Yep, 624. See you soon."

Castle hung up noticing that Alexis had sent a third text while he'd been on the phone for only a few

minutes. He clicked it open.

_**Alexis (6:21 am): **__Dad, I'm on the way to the hospital with Gram and Det. Ryan. I can't wait to see you. What room are you in? CALL ME!_

Castle chuckled and clicked on the message to respond.

_**To Alexis, Mother: **__Good morning girls. I'm glad that you are on your way. Kate's sleeping right now, but I know she'll be happy to see you when she wakes up. We're in the ICU on the 6__th__ Floor. Room 624 – private room at the end of the hall. Ask for Amy if you get lost and she'll help you find us. Stay with Ryan and do exactly what he says. Be safe. See you soon. Hugs and kisses. _

Castle slid his phone into his pocket and looked back to Kate, surprised that she was still sleeping soundly despite the constant vibrating of his phone. He glanced at the monitor and was relieved to note that her O2 level was at 94% and even better, her BP had gone up slightly to 90/70, suggesting that the rest and blood transfusions were starting to make an impact.

Castle looked up as the door opened and smiled when he saw Lanie slide through it carrying a heaping tray filled with coffee cups and a bag of what he hoped were pastries.

"Hey Castle. I come bearing cappuccino. God, you look exhausted," Lanie commented, sliding a piping hot venti cappuccino into Castle's free hand.

"Lanie, you are an angel," said Castle gratefully, taking a sip of the hot liquid and feeling instantly better.

"I got some croissants and danish in here too. Help yourself." Lanie slid the remaining coffee and pastries onto a nearby tray table before grabbing Kate's chart from its perch at the end of the bed, sliding into a nearby chair to flip through it while sipping her coffee.

Lanie glanced at the monitor near Kate's bed, checking her vital signs. "Her BP is still pretty low," she commented, noticing how pale Kate looked beneath the fluorescent lights.

Castle shook his head. "This is up actually. It was 80/60 until a few minutes ago. You don't know the half of it. She had a really rough morning."

"Spill, Castle. Start at the beginning. How's she been doing?"

"What time did you leave last night? 10:30?"

Something like that," responded Lanie, frowning at an entry in Kate's chart.

"She woke up just before 1 am and of course wanted an update on everything that'd happened since since she'd been sedated that afternoon. So, I filled her in as much as I could. We talked for almost an hour before she started fading and then her private nurse Amy came in and took her vitals and gave her some medicine and she was out again. I woke up just before 6 am to her crying and gasping in pain. I could tell something wasn't right and she told me she was hurting a lot worse than she had been the night before. So finally her nurses and anesthesiologist came in to her examine her just as her O2 sats started to drop. They found a clot in her chest tube and I guess blood had been backing up her chest for a few hours because of it."

Lanie dropped the chart to table with a clatter, nearly spilling her coffee as she did so. "Wait, what? She had a clot that was blocking her chest tube? Castle, why didn't you call me? That's not something to mess around with... Did they break it up with heparin or did they have to replace the tubing?" Lanie grabbed for Kate's chart again, flipping to the front to read the newest entries.

Castle sighed heavily. "Lanie, this just happened. They were able to break it up, but she's been bleeding more since they broke up the clot which is why her BP's been down. They've given her a couple of blood transfusions so far, I think."

"Jesus, Castle...," Lanie said worriedly, dropping the chart back to the table and picking up her coffee again. "I should have stayed last night. I really thought she was stable, but this...I don't like this. They need to get her into surgery soon. Has the famous Doctor Jameson landed yet?" Lanie asked of the surgeon Castle had hired from Massachusetts General who was set to arrive on the roof via private helicopter at any moment, a feat that had no doubt set Castle back some serious coin.

"He should be soon. I think this flight was scheduled to get in about 6:45 because he wanted a little time to look over her chart and go over the procedure with the surgical staff before he started."

Lanie nodded, looking pensive. She stood, looking as if she planned to examine Kate, who still slept quietly on the hospital bed in front of her, but was interrupted by a door opening. Esposito opened the door slowly, poking his head in, his gun raised in front of him as he quickly scanned the room. Javier quickly nodded, saying "It's clear" to someone outside the door before dropping his weapon and striding to the center of the room, taking Lanie in his arms and kissing her gently on the cheek.

"Hola, chica," he said as he reached for the bag of pastries on the table in front of him, rooting around until he found a cherry danish. "I'm hoping this is for me?" he said playfully.

"Of course it is for you, you crazy man. Coffee too. How'd you sleep? You were gone when I got up," Lanie said, pouting a little.

Castle was distracted by another man entering the room shyly, carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and a bouquet of peach tulips in the other. Castle stood and offered his hand, taking the flowers and placing them in a waiting vase by Kate's bedside before shaking the man's hand.

"Jim, good to see you," Castle said pleasantly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing just fine, Rick. How's my Katie doing?" he asked in concern, walking to her bedside and taking in the abundance of tubes and monitor leads, the oxygen mask strapped to her pale face, and the reassuring beeping of the monitor as it traced her steady heartbeat. "The nurse said something about her having a tough morning? What happened, Rick?" As he asked the writer pointed questions, Jim couldn't stop himself from brushing a loose strand of hair off his daughter's forehead, much as he'd done when she'd been a little girl and had a bad dream. She looked so young and vulnerable lying in that bed. Not like the tough, savvy detective she'd become after her mother's death. Jim marveled at how much Katie looked like his Johanna at this moment, shuddering as he thought back to how close he'd come to losing her in the last 24 hours.

Castle sighed as he finished rearranging the flowers and sank back into the chair where he'd sat sentry at Kate's bedside all night. He immediately reached again for her hand, needing a physical connection to her as he started to describe the complications Kate had faced in the last few hours.

"She's had a rough go of it, Jim. This morning she woke up around 6 in a lot of pain and having trouble breathing. We got her nurses and doctor in here pretty quickly and they worked out that her chest tube had been clogged by a blood clot which caused blood to back up in her chest." Rick sighed before continuing. "We were lucky that they broke it up with some medication so that they didn't have to replace the tube, but she's been bleeding more since they broke up the clot. Lanie and I were just talking about when her surgeon is landing, because the nurses mentioned that they may try to start her surgery a little early."

Jim nodded, so grateful for the man sitting in front of him that had pulled his daughter from the depths of her despair after focusing on nothing but her mother's case for years. Since Rick came along, his daughter seemed to come alive again. Sure, Katie had acted annoyed by his schtick, rolling her eyes as she talked about how he was always coming up with these insane theories. But it had been like a balm to Jim's soul to hear Katie laughing again, to see her really enjoying herself as she ribbed with Castle playfully at the Nikki Heat book launch. It was clear they shared something deeper than just a writer and his reluctant muse.

Jim wasn't stupid. He'd read the dedication that the talented writer had written to his Katie in his first book. _"To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the 12__th__." _Jim had even read _Heat Wave, _curious to read more from the author whose Derrick Storm novels Katie had raved about for years. He'd also wanted to know how well Richard Castle had managed to capture his daughter's spirit on the page. He'd been impressed. Nikki Heat was his Katie through and through, with a couple of...interesting additions to her personality. Jim blushed slightly as he remembered reading the climatic sex scene between Nikki and Rook. He assumed that the scene had simply been a bit wish fulfillment between the two or perhaps a sex scene was a novel requirement these days.

Either way, what had really convinced Jim that Rick was someone who he could trust, someone who would love and protect his Katie no matter what had been their talk only days before.

_FLASHBACK – 48 HOURS PRIOR_

_Jim had been out of his mind with worry at the thought of the danger Katie was putting herself in. He'd felt paralyzed, knowing that whatever he could say to her wouldn't be enough to make her stop. Unable to sleep, he'd decided one morning that he had to at least try to speak to the one person who could possibly get through to his daughter. _

_The first thing Jim had wanted to know was the truth about what Katie was up against. When Rick had told Jim "he's a trained killer," he'd felt sick, all the more the convinced that this story could very well have a tragic ending that the talented writer wouldn't be able to rewrite or undo. Jim felt a sense of urgency that he hadn't felt in years, knowing that his time to get through to Rick, to get through to Katie, was all too short. So he tried to communicate to Castle just what was at stake. _

"_She won't listen to me and she won't back down, not unless someone can convince her that her life is worth more than her mother's death." Jim had said sadly, but truthfully. _

"_Look, she cares about you, Rick. And unless you are a lot dumber than you look, I know you care about her. Don't let her throw her life away." And with that, Jim had been gone, leaving Rick to ponder over what Kate's father had said. He'd hoped it would be enough._

_END FLASHBACK_

Jim was startled from his gazing at his sleeping daughter by the sound of another detective peeking through the door, weapon drawn. The young detective quickly scanned the room, taking in the growing number of people sitting at Kate's bedside, seeming satisfied with what he saw. "Okay girls, we're all clear," the detective called to someone outside before entering the room, with two gorgeous redheads following him closely whom Jim had been introduced to the day before at Roy's funeral as Castle's mother and teenage daughter.

"Dad!" Alexis shouted as she practically catapulted herself into her father's arms. "I missed you. How are you? How's Beckett?"

Castle hugged Alexis tightly, seeming relieved to have his daughter at his side. "Hey sweet pea," he said softly, drawing his daughter back to look at her face before giving her a gentle peck on the cheek. "It's great to see you too. Beckett's doing okay for now. She's just been really tired and sore. They're going to bring her back for surgery pretty soon."

Castle looked up to receive a kiss on the top of his head from his mother. "Hello mother. Good to see you too. Sounds like you girls had a long night last night, huh?" he asked with a rueful smile.

"Not nearly as long as you judging from the circles under your eyes and your rumpled scrubs. Richard, you look dead on your feet." Martha's face tensed and she made an involuntary wince as she glanced at the sleeping detective, regretting her poor choice of words.

The word choice wasn't lost on Castle either, but he tried to play it off, holding up his hands in mock indignation. "Ouch mother, you wound me. Not all of us can stay forty forever thanks to Botox and the magic of Dr. Silver...whose surgery bills I am _still_ paying off, I'll have you know."

"Forty? Why Richard, you ought to know that I'm eternally thirty-five thanks to the great Dr. Silver. Besides, I'm an actress. Occupational requirement." Martha smiled broadly at him, sinking into an open chair beside Detective Ryan and reaching for the coffee she'd insisted that they stop for on the way.

Everyone in the room stopped speaking at once, their eyes going to the patient lying in the hospital bed in the center of the room as Kate started to stir, seemingly disturbed by the crowd that had gathered in her room.

Kate struggled to open her eyes, still feeling woozy and out of it from the combination of blood loss and haze of pain medications and sedatives. The first thing that she noticed was that Castle's warm hand was no longer wrapped tightly in hers, pressed against her heart as it had been seemingly only moments ago. She began to stir more violently, her eyes and hand desperately seeking the one man who could make her feel safe.

"Rick..." Kate called, her voice sounding hoarse, but slightly panicked as her hand reached for him.

Castle was back at her side in an instant. "Hey Kate...shh, it's okay. I'm right here," he reassured, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly as he spoke.

Kate finally managed to open her eyes fully and began to take in her surroundings. All around her bed, the people she loved most had gathered. She saw Alexis, sitting on the armrest of her dad's chair, her arm slung possessively around Rick's shoulders. Her father also hovered nearby, and he gently reached out and brushed back a lock of hair from her forehead, much as she remembered him doing when she was a little girl. Lanie and Esposito sat on the other side of the bed, their hands locked together as they smiled up at her. And last but not least, sat Ryan and Martha a bit farther away from the bed, both swigging coffee and looking at her curiously. Her heart was warmed at the sight of so many familiar faces, but she couldn't help but feel slightly self-conscious at her frailty, and with the urgency with which she had searched for Castle until she could physically touch him again.

"Hey...everybody," she said tentatively, smiling at all the faces around her. This seemed to break the tension, and everyone descended on her at once.

Lanie was the first to speak. "How you feeling, honey? Castle told me you had a rough morning."

Kate did her best to smile reassuringly at her best friend. "Hey, I'm doing okay. Feeling much better now than I was an hour ago. Not looking forward to the surgery though."

Lanie nodded sympathetically. "I know, sweetie, but it won't be like...last time. Did Castle tell you about the rock star surgeon he's flying in as we speak?"

Kate could only nod her head in amazement while Alexis, Martha, and Jim looked to Castle in confusion.

Castle took this is as his cue to explain. "Look, it's no big deal, really. Lanie and I did a little research yesterday once we realized that they were going to delay Kate's surgery until morning. It's a delicate operation and we wanted to make sure we had the best cardiothoracic surgeon possible. We found a guy in Boston who specializes in doing these type of lung repairs laparoscopically instead of opening up the whole chest which really cuts back on the length of the recovery. So, we called and made him an offer and luckily he had an opening in his schedule this morning as long as we could get him back to Boston by 3 PM so he can still see his afternoon patients. He should be landing any minute actually."

Martha simply nodded, expecting nothing less from her son. He'd always wanted the best of everything for those he loved. The best schools for Alexis, the best security for their apartment, and even begrudgingly, the best clothing for Martha's own wardrobe. It made sense that he'd want to find the best surgeon to operate on the woman he loved. There were few things in life that enough money couldn't buy you, Martha had learned over the years, and if tens of thousands of dollars could buy the fiercely independent detective several months off of her rehabilitation and recovery, by all means, Richard would simply ask who to make the check out to.

Jim's eyes widened in surprise, unaware of the gift that Rick had given his daughter. "Wow, Rick. That's very generous. I can't thank you enough for wanting to help my Katie like that."

Jim turned to his daughter, feeling that he had a hundred things he wanted to tell her, but not knowing where to start. "How you doing, Katie?" Jim asked softly as his hand stroked his daughter's temple. "Do you need anything, sweetheart?"

Kate gave her dad a small smile, relieved to see her dad standing steadily in front of her very much alive and sober, despite the hell that she knew that she had put him through in the last 24 hours. She looked at Castle and squeezed his hand before responding. "No Dad, Rick's been taking very good care of me. Now that you are here... Now that all of you are here," she continued, looking around the room at her family and friends. "I've got everything I need."

Before Kate could say more, the door to her room swung open again and in strode both of her private nurses, Amy and Jaime, her anesthesiologist Dr. Adams, and a tall, older man dressed in scrubs and a white coat who she assumed was her famous cardiothoracic surgeon, Dr. Jameson.

"Well hello everyone.." Dr. Jameson said to the room at large, surprised by the number of visitors his critically injured patient was currently entertaining. He walked up to the man seated at his patient's bedside holding her hand who he instantly recognized from the tabloids as the famous author Richard Castle.

"Mr. Castle," said Dr. Jameson, shaking the author's hand. "I'm Dr. Jameson. It's nice to finally meet you in person. I just landed. I have to say – the accommodations were quite generous, so thank you for that." The doctor turned his attentions to the patient lying in the bed. "And you must be the famous Detective Beckett. It's nice to meet you. I'm going to be doing your surgery today."

Kate smiled at the surgeon, feeling at ease with his bedside manner almost instantly. "Hi, nice to meet you too. Please call me Kate."

"Alright, Kate. How are you feeling right now? Amy was filling me in on your morning on the way up here and it sounds like you've had a pretty tiring 24 hours. Has your breathing gotten easier since they got the chest tube to start draining again?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, it's much easier to breathe now."

"Good, glad to hear it. I'm just going to do a quick exam if that's alright with you." He looked up at the visitors surrounding his patient. "You are all welcome to stay as long as that's okay with Kate."

Again, Kate nodded her consent. Dr. Jameson began his exam by gently lifting the edge of her gown to expose her bandaged chest and right side. He slid the stethoscope to her chest. "Sorry, might be cold," he warned as he listened carefully to her breath sounds. He pulled the gown back up to cover her upper chest before carefully lifting the side, exposing a tube snaking from between her ribs in her wounded side while being careful to protect the detective's modesty. He glanced at the canister connected to the side of the bed, noting that the canister was nearly full at 800 mL of output. He turned to one of the two nurses at his patient's bedside. "Looks like the chest tube output is up to 800 mL. Is that really all within the last hour?" He glanced at her monitor, seeming happy with the reading of 90/70. "How many units of blood has she had so far this morning?"

Amy turned to Jaime who'd been in charge of setting up the transfusions, silently encouraging him to speak up. "She's had three units of O-neg and two more of packed cells so far. We also gave her a large fluid bolus which helped bump her BP up from 80/60 to 90/70." reported Jaime to the surgeon.

Dr. Jameson nodded. "Okay, let's go ahead and get her prepped and up to the OR. There's more active bleeding in her chest right now than I'm comfortable with, so let's make sure we have another 6 units of blood and 4 of packed cells on standby from the blood bank."

He turned back to his patient and Mr. Castle. "I'd like to go ahead and start the surgery a little early if that's okay with you. Kate, the plan is for me to make several incisions in your chest and side and go in laparoscopically to repair the damage to your right lung. The biggest concern at the moment is to make sure that we get the bleeding under control but also that we do what we can to prevent more clots from forming, which can potentially be very dangerous if they move to the wrong area as you saw this morning. I'm anticipating the surgery will take us between 4-6 hours. Do you have any questions before we get ready to bring your upstairs?"

Kate shook her head, squeezing Castle's hand nervously as she did so, worried about what was to come.

Dr. Jameson gave her a small smile before addressing the room. "Okay great, I'll see you in the OR in few minutes. Dr. Adams is going to administer some pre-surgery meds and then we'll give you a few minutes to say your goodbyes to everyone. You all are welcome to wait in the family surgical waiting room on the 8th floor while we have her in surgery, and I'll come out and give you an update as soon as we finish up her operation. She'll be in recovery for the first few hours after the surgery, but should be back down here in her room by 6 pm as long as everything goes well." And with that, Dr. Jameson stood to leave, shaking Richard Castle's hand as offered on his way out of the room.

Dr. Adams was the next to speak. "Okay detective, I just have a few quick questions and then I'm going to administer your medications and get out of your hair for a few minutes. Just to check, are you allergic to any medications?"

"Cephalosporins and penicillins," responded Castle automatically before Kate had an opportunity to respond. She simply nodded her head in agreement and gave Castle a curious look, wondering how he'd managed to remember that small tidbit of information about her. Maybe listing him as her emergency contact had been a smart decision, she thought wryly. First he flies in rock star doctors and now he seems to have memorized her entire medical file.

"Okay, and do you have any major medical conditions I should be aware of? Diabetes, high blood pressure, heart palpitations?"

"No," Kate responded quickly. "Nothing but a history of migraines."

"Okay, any previous surgeries?" continued Dr. Adams.

"Yeah, I had my tonsils out when I was seven, and my appendix out almost four years ago,"

"Great," said Dr. Adams, scribbling furiously on her chart. "Any problems with anesthesia? Anyone in your family ever had a bad reaction to anesthesia?"

Beckett looked to Lanie this time, unsure as to whether or not to mention her previous experience, but feeling very uncomfortable at the thought bringing that situation up with a room full of people listening.

Lanie shook her head and Kate answered, "No, no problems with anesthesia," quickly.

Jim Beckett cleared his throat as he remembered a bit of family history to add. "Katie actually had a second cousin on her mother's side that died of malignant hyperthermia when she underwent a heart bypass at 42. I don't know if that's relevant, but I remember that my wife's GP used to make her list in on her medical forms."

Dt. Adams nodded, making another note in the chart. "Yes, that's something we always want to be aware of since there is sometimes a genetic component with anesthesia allergies. But the good news is that it wasn't a close relative and Kate has undergone anesthesia in the past without any issues, so that tells me her risk is relatively low."

Dr. Adams looked at Kate's monitor, carefully copying down her most recent vital signs in the chart. He closed her chart with a snap and slid it into the slot at the end of her bed. "Okay, I'm going to go ahead and administer your pre-surgery medications and then I'll head upstairs and give you a few minutes with your friends and family before we get started. I'll be giving you the same medication I gave you earlier for pain and relaxation. This is your pain medication, Fentanyl," Dr. Adams explained as he pulled out a syringe and slowly emptied to the contents into the detective's waiting IV port. "This is Valium," he continued, carefully pushing the contents of the syringe into the IV port slowly, being sure to administer no more than one milligram at a time. "You should start to feel sleepy and relaxed in a few minutes."

Dr. Adams turned to the two nurses who were waiting at their patient's bedside. "Okay Amy, could you go ahead and administer the rest of her standing pre-op orders? Let's go ahead and hang the Vancomycin now instead of waiting until we get her into the OR and infuse the Reglan too since we are going to be starting the surgery a little early. I don't want her getting nauseous from the Fentanyl before we get her upstairs, so let's have Phenergan on standby too in case the Reglan isn't enough to soothe her stomach."

Amy nodded and looked to Jaime, who handed her one of two small IV piggyback bags he'd been holding. She quietly began to hook the small bag up to Kate's IV tubing, pressing several buttons on the IV pole to adjust the drip rate. Jaime began to wordlessly hook up the second bag of IV medication, making sure that he opened the dial flow to allow the medication to run into Kate's IV unimpeded.

"Right, okay. We're going to give you all a few minutes to say goodbye to Kate. Mr. Castle, would you please come and get me when you are all through? We'd like to get Kate up to the OR in the next ten minutes, so try to make it as quick as possible," spoke Amy. Amy, Jaime, and Dr. Adams quickly gathered their medical equipment and left the room, leaving Kate alone with her many visitors.

Detective Ryan was the first to get up to say his goodbye. He carefully made his way to Beckett's side, reaching out a hand to gently rub her uninjured left arm as he wished her well.

"Hey Beckett, you take care of yourself, okay? I hope the surgery goes well. I'm going to head into the 12th for a little bit to follow up on some leads on the shooter, but I'll be back this evening to check on you. Jenny sends her love too. She'll probably come with me tonight if that's okay." He paused, unsure as to whether or not to say more before deciding that Kate would want to hear the rest of what he had to say. "Look Beckett, Esposito and I are going to catch the bastard that ordered the Captain's execution and shot you. Whoever did this won't get away with it, I promise. Okay?"

Kate smiled at Ryan, relieved to here that he was still as fired up about this investigation as she'd been only days before. It was clear that Roy's death had made this case personal, not just to her but to the entire 12th precinct as well. "Thanks Ryan, I appreciate it. I know I'm sort of an invalid at the moment, but please keep me updated on the investigation, okay? Hopefully when I'm a little less loopy from all the meds I can even toss around some theories with you and Esposito, yeah?"

Kevin smiled warmly at her. "Sounds good, Kate" defaulting to the rare use of Beckett's first name. "See you soon," he finished as he stepped away from Beckett's bed and headed towards the door.

"Martha? Alexis? I'm going to step outside and make sure we're all clear in the hall. I'll be waiting for you."

Lanie and Esposito were the next to walk to Kate's bedside. Lanie stood back slightly, allowing Javier to speak first.

"Hey girl," Esposito said, squeezing Kate's uninjured shoulder gently. "Good luck with your surgery. You hang in there, okay? I'm going to stay at the hospital and take the next shift with the protective detail, but I just wanted you to know that we've got protective details on everyone in your life including your dad, Castle's mom and daughter, and Lanie, so you don't need to worry about anything but getting better right now, got it? You let me know if you need anything. I'll see you this evening after your surgery."

"Thanks Esposito..." Kate said, her words starting to slur slightly as the pain medications and sedatives took effect. "For everything. You take care of Lanie, okay?" she urged, looking at her best friend.

"You know I will," Javier replied warmly, his eyes going to Lanie's beautiful face.

Lanie was next to speak. She gently brought her hand to Kate's temple, stroking her best friend's hair as she spoke. "Alright Kate, we're going to clear out and give you a few minutes with your dad and Castle, but I just want you to know that you're going to be fine. Dr. Jameson is the best. Trust me, Castle and I are sure of it." Lanie lowered her a voice to barely above a whisper as she continued, not wanting the rest of the room hearing what she had to say next. "We're all going to be here as soon as you wake up from surgery. I know you've got to be scared, but this surgery won't be anything like last time, okay? We'll make sure that Castle's there when you wake up, so you have nothing to worry about. Love you, girl. See you soon."

"Thanks Lanie," Kate responded, finding that her eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier. "Make sure that the surgeon doesn't crack my chest, okay? I don't think I could handle an extra six months of recovery time."

Lanie chuckled at Kate's request. "I'll do what I can. I don't think _we_ could handle you going stir cray and climbing the walls if you were forced to recuperate for an extra six moths. You'd have us all doubting our sanity by the end of things. I'll make sure that Dr. Jameson keeps it laparoscopic like we discussed. In fact, I'm going to go have a little chat with your nurses and doctors right now, but I'll see you soon, okay?"

Kate nodded, and watched as Esposito put a reassuring arm around Lanie's shoulders.

"I'll walk you out," said Javier.

Martha and Alexis seemed to take this as their cue to talk to Beckett, knowing that she'd likely want a few private moments with her father before she was taken up for surgery. Martha was the first to speak.

"Well Kate, we're so glad to see you up and talking again. Good luck with your surgery. It looks like Richard's got a pretty good surgical team lined up." Martha paused, not quite sure as how to communicate what an important part of their family Kate had become, not just to Richard, but to her and Alexis as well. She decided to go with the truth and forged on. "Alexis and I were so worried when we saw that you'd been shot, and we're so relieved that you are going to be okay. Whether you like it or not, we've come to think of you as another member of the family, so we'd like to be here when you wake up from your surgery if that's okay with you..." Martha trailed off, unsure as whether or not to say more.

Kate smiled, incredibly touched by Martha's use of the word "family." If she was being honest, she'd come to feel as if the Castles were a surrogate family for her as well, starting with when she'd stayed with them after her apartment had been blown up by an obsessed Nikki Heat fan. While she stayed there, she'd found herself relishing the comfortable domesticity of helping Castle make eggs and pancakes for his family on a lazy Saturday morning and had immediately fallen even more in love with Castle when she'd seen him in his element as a hands-on father to Alexis. And now that many of the things she'd felt for Castle for a long time were out on the table? Well, Kate could see many more lazy Saturday mornings in her PJs at Castle's in the future assuming that things can continued to progress as they had so far.

"Thanks so much, Martha. As far as I'm concerned, you and Alexis _are_ family, so please feel free to stay this afternoon and evening if you'd like."

Martha smiled down at the detective and before she had a minute to second guess herself, she bent down and gave Kate a quick peck on the forehead, much in the same way she did to Richard before telling him goodnight or sending him off to a crime scene on the harsh streets of New York.

Kate's eyes closed involuntarily as Martha bent to kiss her forehead, caught in a memory of her mother. Martha kissed Kate on the forehead much in the same way her mother, Johanna Beckett, had bent to kiss her before bed every night when Kate had been a little girl. For a moment, Kate allowed herself to think of her mother and felt safe, warm, and loved.

Alexis was the next to speak. She stood over Kate shyly, looking as if she wanted desperately to pull the detective into a tight hug, but seeming unsure as how to do so without hurting Beckett or disturbing any of the many tubes and monitors. She settled for placing a hand on Beckett's upper arm as she spoke.

"Detective Beckett, I..." Alexis began politely.

"Please Alexis, call me Kate," Kate requested, smiling up into Alexis's bright blue eyes that reminded Kate so much of Rick's gorgeous, inquisitive, sparkling eyes.

Alexis smiled shyly. "Kate, I hope everything goes well with your surgery. I know my dad will take good care of you. I...we all love you lots and want you to get well soon so you can go back to bossing my dad around. Someone has to keep him in line," she admonished. "We'll be here when you get out of surgery. Is there anything I can do or get for you in the meantime?" asked Alexis helpfully.

Kate grinned, feeling a surprising lump in her throat at Alexis's declaration of love from the whole Castle family. She knew that Alexis was extremely bright and wondered if she'd already picked up on the love shared between her and Alexis's father. She gave a quick glance to Castle and was surprised to see he looked somewhat choked up himself as she watched two of the women he loved most in the world interact.

"Sure Alexis, you know what I really need you to do? Can you take care of your dad for me while I'm in surgery? I don't think he got any sleep last night and he could probably use a shower and change of clothes since he is starting to get a little...ripe at the moment."

"Totally," Alexis whispered conspiratorially. "I'm on it."

Castle grinned at the two of them. "Hey, hey, hey...no fair ganging up on poor old me. I'm going to be in big trouble if the two of you start scheming against me."

"You bet you are," Kate responded with a teasing tone to her voice that indicated the possibility of good things to come.

"Okay Alexis," Martha urged. "Let's give Kate a few minutes alone with her father." Alexis impulsively bent down and gave the detective a quick kiss on the cheek before linking arms with Gram and walking out the door.

"Dad, we will be just outside," Alexis reported as she opened the door to the hallway.

Rick nodded and looked to Jim and Kate. "I should go..." he started. "I can give you a few moments of privacy, but..."

Before Rick could continue, Jim and Kate spoke up. "No no..." they said, almost in unison.

Kate continued. "Castle, it's fine. You can stay for this. I want you here."

Jim nodded his agreement, taking his place at Kate's bedside where Alexis had stood only moments earlier. He resumed stroking his daughter's hair as he spoke to her.

"Well Katie, I just want you to know how much I love you before you go into surgery," started Jim, already fighting back tears at the thought of the tortuous hours of waiting ahead of him. "You're a fighter, Katie. You get that from your mother. Just don't stop fighting, okay sweetheart? There are so many people pulling for you, Katie. Don't ever doubt that you are so loved. Not for a second. And Katie? I know it is hard, but you've got to let other people...people like Rick here in. You need to let them take care of you. You don't have to be a hero, you know that Katie? You don't have to be strong all the time."

A single tear ran down Kate's cheek as she listened to her dad speak. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts to respond to her father. "I'll try, dad. I really will. I have something for you," she continued, looking to Castle who wordlessly reached into the top drawer of Kate's bedside table, removing a long chain holding Johanna Beckett's wedding ring and Jim's watch, a daily reminder of when Kate had saved him life by getting him sober, and handing them over to Jim gingerly.

"I was hoping you could keep them safe for me right now since they won't let me wear them into surgery," Kate asked. "Remember what the watch signifies, Dad. It should be a reminder to you not to go down that rabbit hole again, okay? I know it has to be scary to have me in the hospital after you lost Mom so suddenly but I"m going to be fine, alright? If you start to get the urge to drink again, talk to someone, call your sponsor, or go to a meeting."

Jim looked down, slightly ashamed that his only daughter was lying helpless in a hospital bed and about to undergo major surgery but despite this, her major concerns were not for herself, but for helping her father to maintain his sobriety. "I will, Katie. I promise. I'm in a good place right now, surprisingly enough. I'll keep these safe for you right now until you are ready to take them back," Jim continued, slipping the silver chain around his neck and tucking it out of sight beneath his shirt and strapping the watch to his wrist.

"I love you, Dad," Kate finished simply. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Jim nodded, ignoring the tears that had started to fill his eyes despite his best efforts to stay strong for his daughter. "I love you too, sweetheart," Jim responded, bending down to kiss her on the forehead. "I'll see you soon."

Kate nodded and Jim stood to leave. "Rick, I'm going to step out and give you two a few minutes alone. When you're done, I'll walk with you up to the surgical waiting room on the 8th floor, okay?"

Castle nodded his approval. "Thanks Jim," he responded, reaching out and shaking Jim's hand before he left the room.

The door shut behind him with a soft click, leaving Rick and Kate alone together. Instantly, Castle scooted his chair closer to Kate's bedside. He lifted Kate's hand, still tightly grasped in his, and settled it over her heart so that Rick could faintly feel the reassuring beat of Kate's heart against the back of his hand. His other hand went to Kate's hair, gently stroking it much as Kate's father had done only minutes earlier. Castle and Beckett were both silent for several seconds, saying with glances what they could not say in words.

Castle was the first to speak. "How you doing, honey?" he asked simply.

"Okay," Kate sighed. "Tired...scared," she continued honestly.

"Yeah?" Castle asked. "There's no reason to be scared, sweetheart. You've got the best nurses and taking care of you, so the surgery is going to go just fine. I know you are worried about afterwards, but I promise I'll be right there holding your hand when you wake up, okay? You won't have to be alone...not for a minute." Castle looked up to see Kate's eyes filling with tears, and felt something inside of him break with a strong desire to wrap Kate in his arms and hold her while he told her everything would be alright.

Castle gently brought his hand to Kate's cheek and wiped away the tears that had started to spill onto her cheek with his thumb. "I know it's hard right now honey, but I hope you truly know how much you are loved and admired. I love you so much. You amaze me every day with your strength and kindness. And as long as you'll have me, I'm going to be here, doing what I can to show you just how much you mean to me, okay?"

The tears were falling freely now due to Kate being moved by Castle's words. "I love you too, Rick. You're the only reason I kept fighting. As long as you're here, I know I can face anything. Just don't let go of my hand, okay?"

Rick gave Kate's hand a gentle squeeze in response. "I'll make you a deal, sweetheart. Your medicine should be kicking in by now and you look exhausted. Just close your eyes and rest, and when you wake up, it will be all over and I'll be right here, still holding your hand."

And with that, Rick placed a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead, watching her eyes slip closed as she allowed the medications to pull her under, secure for the moment in the knowledge that she was loved more than she ever thought possible.

**So, what did you think of this chapter? Hopefully you liked it better than the last one. I know I do. How'd I do at capturing the voices of the other characters? Is there something you want to see in an upcoming chapter? Think we can pass 100 reviews by noon? Please review and let me know what you are thinking. As always, thanks for reading!**


	11. Waiting is the Hardest Part

**Hello friends! Sorry to abandon you for so long, but I hope you know that this story was never far from my mind. I've been dealing with some difficult stuff in my personal life that had to take center stage for awhile, but I'm ready to get back to the story as writing (and reading reviews from amazing people like you) are great stress relievers for me. This is by far the longest fic I've ever written and I'm determined to see it through, no longer how long it may end up. This may sound crazy, but I've actually outlined the next **_**nine**_** chapters of the story (and am not sure that I'll even end it there) so trust me when I say that there is much more Caskett-y goodness to come. I'm particularly excited for Chapter 14 which includes a long-awaited cameo by Nikki Heat. Trust me when I say that you won't want to miss it! **

**Thank you for all the past reviews. I'm up to an astonishing 123 reviews, 64 favorites, and 146 alerts. So glad you liked the last chapters as it was one of my favorite to write. It was definitely tough trying to write dialogue for all of those characters, but I'm glad to hear that it worked for most of you. I'm not going to list all my reviewers here since there were 28 of them this time, but trust me when I say that I read and greatly appreciated each and everyone of them. But I do want to send an extra special thanks to Einstein21R for my first review in German (which I was able to read through the magic of Google Translator) and Kate for her many kind words in her recent review.**

**I came across this quote while trying to come up with a chapter title and think it applies beautifully to this story in ways that will become more apparent in upcoming chapters. **

"_**Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."**_** - Paulo Coelho**

_**Rick gave Kate's hand a gentle squeeze in response. "I'll make you a deal, sweetheart. Your medicine should be kicking in by now and you look exhausted. Just close your eyes and rest, and when you wake up, it will be all over and I'll be right here, still holding your hand."**_

_**And with that, Rick placed a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead, watching her eyes slip closed as she allowed the medications to pull her under, secure for the moment in the knowledge that she was loved more than she ever thought possible. **_

Rick drew in deep breath as he watched Kate sleep for several seconds, wanting to capture every ounce of her, her scent, her beautiful face that was so relaxed and blissfully pain free in sleep, and the silky texture of her shining chestnut hair. But most of all, Rick wanted to memorize the warmth of Kate's hand wrapped possessively in his and the steady and reassuring thump of her heart that faintly beat against his wrist while his hand lay over her heart. It was almost physically painful to pry his hand from hers and take his eyes off of her, but Rick knew with every passing second, Kate was losing more blood. Time was not a luxury Kate had at the moment and the surgery Dr. Jameson had agreed to perform was already risky enough without starting Kate off at a disadvantage due to bottoming out blood pressure.

Reluctantly, Rick bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead before pulling back to gaze at her face for a few more precious seconds. "I love you, Kate Beckett," Rick whispered to her sleeping form. "Always have, always will. Be strong, honey. I'll be here when you wake up," he finished, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear as he did so. Slowly, he stood, his bones creaking from the long night spent hunched over Kate's bedside. He stretched quickly, feeling the tightness in his aching muscles that barely hinted at the tension that his mind and body had been through in the last 24 hours. With a final glance to reassure himself that Kate was still sleeping peacefully, he pushed open the door and alerted Kate's nurse that she was ready to be transported upstairs for her surgery.

Rick drew in a deep breath, trying to steady himself against the gradually growing feeling of loss at not being at Kate's bedside. He knew without a doubt that the next few hours would be torture for him. No matter how much faith he had in Dr. Jameson, it didn't change the facts of what would be happening while Kate was in surgery. She would be under general anesthesia, which came with its own set of risks, even for someone who was perfectly healthy and undergoing a routine test or procedure. Being under general anesthesia also meant that Kate's body would be paralyzed with medications, requiring that the surgeons intubate her and mechanically assist her breathing. Dr. Jameson had promised that Kate would be extubated as soon as humanly possible, hopefully in the recovery room assuming that she was oxygenating well and that her lungs had tolerated the surgery well. One of Kate's greatest fears (and thus Rick's as well) was that she would need to be on a ventilator for a while after the surgery in order to give her lungs a chance to heal. Kate was having a hard enough time tolerating the oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth, but the thought of a tube down her throat...Well, that had been enough to cause a mini-anxiety attack when the nurses had brought in the pages of informed consent paperwork for Kate to sign before her surgery all too early this morning. The paperwork had contained a mind-numbingly terrifying list of possible risks and complications including, unsurprisingly, death, but need for breathing assistance by ventilator was the one complication that Kate had not been able to shrug off.

Rick was just starting to ponder the numerous other risks to Kate's surgery could entail including bleeding out, developing a blood clot that could form a pulmonary embolism, having said clot migrate to her heart and cause a heart attack, or even worse having a clot migrate to Kate's brain, causing a stroke and permanent brain damage and paralysis, just to name a few, when he felt a warm hand clap him on the shoulder. He turned to see Jim Beckett standing just behind him, holding out a piping hot cup of coffee with steam still pouring off of it.

"Hey Rick, I know you had coffee earlier, but you looked like you could use some more, judging by the way you were sucking down that latte earlier. Hope you don't mind that it's just regular drip coffee. It's all I could find in the doctor's lounge," Jim said warmly, not failing to notice that Rick's hands were shaking slightly and he seemed deep in thought.

"Oh thanks, Mr. Be...I mean, Jim. I appreciate it. I think the lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me," Castle finished, taking the cup of coffee gratefully.

"Sure," Jim responded. "So Rick, how's my Katie doing? They bring her up for surgery yet?" he asked.

"I just left the room so Amy could go in and get her ready to go upstairs," Rick responded. "But I don't think they've moved her yet. The meds they gave her finally knocked her out, so she was sleeping when I left her. Where's everyone else?"

"I think Lanie was talking to Dr. Jameson and some of Kate's nurses while they prepped for her surgery and Detective Ryan had to head back to the precinct. Everyone else, including your mother and daughter, is upstairs in the surgery waiting room. We should probably head that way too," Jim finished.

Rick hesitated, his eyes instinctively going to the door to Kate's room, wanting desperately to see her one last time before the hours of waiting that were ahead of him.

Jim nodded, understanding almost immediately how difficult it would be for Rick to leave his Katie. He'd felt the same deep ache in the pit of his stomach as he'd walked out of Kate's room only minutes earlier. "It's hard, isn't it?" he said simply. "Let me ask you something, Rick. Did you tell her that you loved her before you said goodbye?"

Rick's eyes widened slightly at the question, surprised at how quickly Jim had seen through to the heart of his relationship with Kate. He decided that his only move was to be completely honest. "I did," he responded. "I told her that I loved her. Always," his voice choking slightly as he said the word "always" as it was a word that had come to symbolize so much about his relationship with Kate.

Jim nodded, seeming unsurprised by Rick's revelation. "Good," he said. "That's all you can do, Rick. She's got the very best nurses and doctors taking care of her thanks to you. Now it's out of our hands. I know how hard that is for you, but it's the truth, you know? Come on, I'll walk you upstairs," he finished, looking away to give Rick a moment to wipe away a tear from his shining eyes.

Rick blew out a shuddering breath and nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak at the moment. With a final glance at Kate's room door, he turned and began to follow Jim down the hall towards the elevator. They'd both almost reached the elevator when Jim spoke again, quieter than before. "She loves you too, you know that Rick? She's not so good at the putting herself out there part, but I know it's true. The way she talks about you..." Jim trailed off, a slight smile on his face for the first time since his daughter had been shot.

Rick smiled as well, remembering Kate's midnight confession of love. The one that he hadn't been expecting. The one that he never dreamed could come so soon. He felt torn, wanting to tell Jim what Kate had said to him only hours earlier, but also wanting to respect her right to privacy and let her decide when and how to tell her father about their relationship. At the moment, Castle himself wasn't 100% sure what it meant, given that he and Kate hadn't had much time to discuss it themselves. The elevator door slid open with a ding and Jim and Rick stepped into it with Rick reaching out to push the button for the 8th floor. The elevator doors slid shut, and Jim and Rick were alone again, giving Rick the courage he needed to make a confession of his own.

"Actually Jim...she told me she loves me too last night. I'm not quite sure what that means for us just yet, since we've obviously been more focused on her health at the moment. But I love your daughter very much, and I intend to do everything I can to be here for her as long as she needs me," Castle finished, looking into Jim's eyes as he spoke, making sure that he communicated his intentions clearly to Kate's father.

Jim's slight smile was transformed into a wide grin at Rick's revelation. "That's great, Rick," Jim started. "She's lucky to have you...as are you to have her. And I have to say, it's a relief to know that she has you looking out for her since I know you'll take good care of her. You've already been doing a better job than I ever could in that regard. She's going to need you in the next few weeks and months. I have to warn you though. She's a pretty stubborn girl when she wants to be and she's never been very good at letting other people take care of her. Don't let her push you away, okay Rick?"

Rick nodded, amazed at how well Jim knew his daughter, not to mention how accepting he seemed to be at the idea of he and Kate together. "Yeah, I know what you mean, but there's nothing Kate could do to get rid of me at this point. I'm all in."

"Glad to hear it, Rick," Jim said warmly. "I think the family waiting room is just through here," he continued, pushing through a set of double doors and walking down a small corridor until he reached a small door labeled "Family Waiting Room – Surgery."

Rick followed after Jim and was nearly tackled by his daughter Alexis for the second time that morning as he walked through the door. "Dad!" Alexis exclaimed as she enveloped him in a tight hug, seemingly forgetting that Rick required oxygen to breathe like most human beings on the planet. "How are you? How's Beckett doing? Did they start her surgery yet?"

"Ooof...Need...air...'Lexis," Castle managed to gasp out while his lungs were still tightly compressed by Alexis' fierce hugging.

"Oops, sorry Dad," Alexis exclaimed sheepishly, relaxing her death grip on his torso. "I'm just so glad to see you. I've been so worried since the shooting and I missed you."

"I missed you too, sweet pea. Come on, let's sit down so we can talk, okay?" Rick requested as he directed them towards a comfortable looking overstuffed sofa across from Lanie and Javier and next to his mother. He sank to the couch, allowing his body to slump bonelessly against the well-worn but comfortable upholstery. Alexis sat herself next to him, angling her body so that she could tuck her feet under her body and rest her head on her father's shoulder. Castle smiled and wrapped his arm around Alexis' shoulder gratefully, welcoming the comfort of his daughter's embrace.

Alexis reached up to intertwine her fingers with her dad's when she suddenly stiffened, grabbing at his arm and turning it to expose his forearm, running her hand along the surprisingly tender flesh. "Dad, omigod! What happened to your arm? It looks awful! You should bandage it up so it doesn't get infected."

Castle looked down in confusion to his arm now cradled protectively in his daughter's lap, taking in the mess of red, crescent moon shaped indentations covering his forearm. In addition to the red indentations, there were four, deeper scratches that traversed the length of his forearm, all of which were scabbed over and an angry-looking deep red color that suggested that they were infected, or at least heading in that direction. Scattered amongst the scratches were small purplish bruises that were evenly spaced.

"Wha-?" Castle started, before remembering the cause of the scrapes and bruises mid-question. _Kate. _He thought back to their tense ride in the ambulance when Kate had gripped his arm as if it was the only thing tethering her to the earth. He remembered her later panic in the emergency room when he'd been reluctantly separated from her so that they could perform a chest x-ray and how she'd only held on to him even more tightly once they were reunited. He'd been so worried about Kate at the time that he'd barely felt the scrapes and bruises. He looked up to see his daughter and Lanie looking at him intensely, both waiting for an explanation for his injury.

"Oh, it's nothing," he started. "Kate was in a lot of pain and she has a surprisingly..._firm_ grip, I guess."

"Oh wow, that's all from Beckett? She must have been really scared. Does it hurt?" asked Alexis worriedly.

"No, I didn't even notice it to you pointed it out to me. I'm fine. Looks worse than it is," reassured Rick.

Lanie raised her eyebrows at Castle's response. "Don't think so, Castle. Some of those scratches are looking nasty. If they aren't already infected, they will be soon. You really need to clean your arm up and cover it with a bandage. Come with me and I'll get you fixed up in no time. I'm sure that Amy will lend us some supplies."

Rick rolled his eyes at Lanie's request, but didn't argue, knowing that to do so would be futile. "Fine," he sighed exasperatedly. "But let's go now, I don't want to be gone for long in case they have any updates on Kate." He turned to Alexis. "I'll be back in just a few minutes, sweetheart. Keep my seat warm in the meantime, okay?"

Rick rose and followed Lanie out of the waiting room and down a seemingly endless series of corridors until she directed him to sit down on a table in an empty exam room. Lanie began confidently rummaging through the cabinets and quickly assembled all of the supplies she needed.

"Umm, Lanie? Are you sure we should be doing this? What are you going to say if someone walks in here?" Rick asked uneasily.

"Well, for starters Writer Boy, I'm wearing scrubs so I look like I belong. I actually think I still have privileges here too, not that they've been used in years, so I don't think anyone is going to question us too much. Okay, this is going to sting," Lanie warned as she began to dab hydrogen peroxide onto the many wounds on Castle's arm with what looked like an oversized Q-tip.

Castle sucked in a breath as the hydrogen peroxide hit the deepest scratch on his forearm causing the wound to burn fiercely for a few seconds before settling down to a much more manageable steady throb.

"Geez, Castle. Some of these cuts are nasty. Does Kate have eagle's talons or something? You should treat your girlfriend to a manicure...for your own safety if nothing else." Lanie quipped as she continued to clean the dozens of scratches to Castle's arm.

Rick let out a surprised chuckle at Lanie's remark that quickly built into slightly hysterical laughter as Lanie joined in. They continued to laugh helplessly for several seconds before they both stopped, sobered by the sudden reminder that their best friend was critically ill and in surgery. Rick was the first to speak.

"You know...it's funny. For a moment there, I almost forgot about...what happened. I felt almost...normal. Is that wrong?" Rick asked Lanie.

Lanie shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I feel guilty for laughing but the truth is that if Kate were here, she would have been laughing loudest of all. It's just hard to think of anything else when we're so worried about her, you know?" Lanie threw the used cotton swab in the trash and fanned Castle's arm with her hand gently while she waited for the remaining hydrogen peroxide to bubble and dry. She squeezed a liberal amount of an antibacterial ointment onto a large cotton swab and began to dab it on Castle's many cuts.

Rick nodded in response, watching Lanie work with gentle efficiency and trying hard not to remember Lanie's hands laboring over Kate the day before as she was forced to insert a large syringe into Kate's chest in order to keep her alive until they reached the hospital. He shuddered slightly at the memory before forcing his mind back to the present.

"So, Jim was telling me that you were talking to Dr. Jameson right before the surgery started," Rick started, wanting reassurance from Lanie that everything possible was being done for Kate at this very moment. "What did he have to say? How does he think Kate's doing? I'm worried about her, especially after the morning she's already had."

Lanie sighed and reached for a roll of gauze and beginning to loosely wind the fabric around Castle's forearm, covering his many cuts and bruises. "I wanted to talk to him about his surgical approach and get his take on her recent complication as the blood clot to the chest tube and the subsequent bleeding have definitely, well..._complicated_ things for lack of a better word. He shared my concern that the clot to the chest tube just heightens the risk that she could throw another clot. Normally we'd start her on a blood thinner to lessen that risk, but that would be suicide with the amount of blood loss that she's had so far. And we won't know how extensive the bleeding and damage to her lung is until Dr. Jameson gets in there. If we are lucky, he'll be able to get in there and definitively repair the source of the bleeding which would mean that we could probably start her on blood thinners 24 hours after her surgery without a huge risk of hemorrhage. But I'm just spitballing here. We really won't know until he gets in there. And those unknowns are what are worrying me."

Castle lifted his uninjured arm and ran a hand over his face in worry. "Me too, Lanie. I can't lose her. Not now. I just want her to make it through the surgery in one piece, but she's been worrying about what comes after the surgery. She had to sign a bunch of forms this morning and she's been worried about having to stay on the ventilator after the surgery ever since then. She was so freaked out by it that I literally had to talk her out of signing a "do not resuscitate" form. And she told me what happened after her last surgery, so she's also worrying that she's going to have the same reaction to the anesthesia this time."

Lanie nodded. "I hate to say it, Castle, but there is a good chance that they'll leave her on the ventilator overnight. Dr. Jameson will probably want to give her lung a break and a chance to rest, especially if the repairs to her lung are more extensive. But they usually keep a patient pretty sedated if they have to be intubated to keep them from freaking out and trying to pull out the tube, so I'm sure that it won't be that bad if they have to keep her on the ventilator for awhile. And I think as long as you are able to be with her in the recovery room right after surgery, she won't panic like last time. I can't help but notice that she's been pretty insistent on you being within arm's length since this whole thing started. What's going on there, Castle? Did something happen between you two?" Lanie pressed.

Rick paused for several seconds before answering Lanie, his mind still reeling from Lanie's revelation that Kate may need to be on a ventilator after surgery. He took a deep breath as he prepared to give Lanie the cliff note's version of what had occurred between he and Kate since the shooting.

"Yeah, I guess you could say something happened. Ever since the shooting, she's freaked out when I'm not holding her hand. They almost had to completely knock her out just to get a chest x-ray in the ER yesterday because she kept panicking when they made me step away. I finally suggested that they let me move back a little but still hold her hand and then she was fine to take the x-ray. When she finally woke up last night, we talked...about a lot of things. And I told her that I loved her. Again. I actually told her that I loved her for the first time right after she was shot and just before she lost consciousness for the first time. But anyways, when I told her last night, I made it clear that I didn't expect anything in return. With the shooting...and everything that has happened this week really, I just wanted her to know how I truly feel about her. But Lanie...she said it back. I couldn't believe...still can't believe it, but there it is. We haven't really talked about what that means for _us _yet, but yeah...I love her. And apparently she loves me too," Castle finished with a grin. He looked up at Lanie and was amused to see that she had a slightly dazed grin on her face as well.

"That's great, Castle. Like I told you yesterday...I knew she had feelings for you. I'm just impressed that she got her shit together and finally told you how she feels. That's definitely not something that comes easily to her." Lanie finished winding the gauze around Castle's forearm, tucking the loose end of the bandage under several layers of gauze. "There, you are all patched up. Come on, let's get back to the waiting room. I want to see if there's been any update on our girl yet."

Castle checked his watch for the millionth time in the past few hours and shifted impatiently while taking care not to disturb his sleeping daughter whose head rested against the opposite arm of the couch and whose feet were resting in Castle's lap. Castle had cleaned himself up in the men's locker room and changed into a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie that Alexis had brought for him. He'd also talked to Ryan to get updates on Kate's mother's and the Captains's now-linked murder investigations as well as on the plans for continued protection details for Kate and anyone related to her that might be in danger. Trying to keep himself busy, Rick had also pulled out the iPad that Alexis had brought from home and had done some research on post-surgical recovery after an injury like Kate's, looking into the best physical rehabilitation hospitals as well as the best rehab equipment in case Rick decided to set up his own home rehab facility for Kate. He'd also ordered lunch for the crowd assembled in the surgical waiting room, but had been unable to force down more than a few half-hearted bites himself. Now he had run out of tasks to keep him busy and had been staring at the wall for the last half hour impatiently.

It was almost 1:30 PM. A scrub nurse had last come out around 11:30 am to inform the group that Dr. Jameson had finally located the source of Kate's bleeding and was beginning the repair, so "it wouldn't be long now." But to Castle, the last few hours had felt like an eternity. With each minute that ticked by, Castle couldn't help but worry a bit more that there were unexpected complications.

Castle was startled from his worries by the sound of a hand on the door handle to the waiting room. Before the door was even fully opened, Rick had gently slid Alexis' feet from his lap and was on feet, expecting to see Dr. Jameson. Instead, it was Amy who opened the door and walked directly to Rick, a tense look on her face.

"Mr. Castle? We need you now. Can you come with me?" Amy asked, her voice sounding every bit as tense as her face looked.

Castle nodded and prepared to follow Amy but was stopped almost immediately by Jim who was also waiting desperately for an update on Kate's condition.

"Rick? What's going on? How's Katie? Is the surgery over?" Jim asked in a rush.

Amy turned to Mr. Beckett and answered for Castle. "Mr. Beckett, the surgery just finished up and Kate did well. Dr. Jameson should be here any minute to give you a fuller update on the procedure, but Mr. Castle asked to be brought back to recovery as soon as possible so he could be with Kate when she...uhh, once the surgery was finished. If you'll just wait here, someone will be in to talk to you, okay?" Amy finished, with an unreadable expression on her face, clearly trying hard to give her voice even.

Jim seemed satisfied by this explanation. "Go Rick...Take care of my Katie, okay? We'll see you both soon."

Rick nodded, feeling an inexplicable anxiety despite hearing that Kate's surgery was over and had gone well, as Amy's demeanor seemed to hint at something more going on. He hurried after Kate's nurse, struggling to keep up with her long strides as she hurried down the hall towards the area of the floor marked "Recovery." Castle took in a deep breath as he prepared to see Kate, hoping with all that he had that she would be extubated, calm, and pain-free. But whatever happened next, Rick knew that it would be okay as long as he and Kate could face it together.

**I know, I know...So cruel of me to end it there, but I've got to keep up the suspense. This was an almost Kate-free chapter even though she was very much on the main characters' minds, but I promise a lot of Caskett in the next chapter which is coming up in the next 48 hours :) Please read and review!**


	12. Author's Note and Request for Help

Hello again, old friends. You didn't think I was gone for good, did you? I won't bore you by going into all the details of where I've been all this time, but let's just say that it has been a perfect storm of crap coming my way for the past few months. Not to mention that I've been having a wicked case of writer's block with this chapter... I've been picturing all of this beautiful dialogue and new plot points for probably the next five chapters, but I've been stuck on Chapter 12 which needs to happen to fill in some gaps before I can get to the new stuff. The writer's block may have something to do with the fact that I'm having a hard time even thinking about some of the things poor Kate has to go through in the chapter, let alone trying to describe them in graphic detail (you've been warned...intense angst and high-stakes medical crises will abound in Chapter 12.)

But I really, REALLY, don't want to give up on this story which is where all of you come in. There are two things I could really use at the moment. 1) I need a beta. Preferably someone who has followed the story up until this point and knows what's going on, plot and character-wise. I've got a short draft of Chapter 12 (entitled Barely Breathing just to whet your appetite a bit), but I really need someone to read it and give me some feedback and ideas about where to take it next. Honestly, I just need to bounce some ideas off of someone at this point. Assuming I can get someone to help me today or tomorrow, I've made it a personal goal to get the next chapter posted by Sunday (tomorrow evening). If you'd be willing to beta for me, send me a private message through this site or on my Tumblr blog: place-that-ive-been-dreaming-of (dot) tumblr (dot) com and I'll send you what I've got of Chapter 12 so far.

2) The second thing I could really use is a little inspiration from you readers. When I've gotten stuck on a chapter before, my readers and reviewers on here, LiveJournal, & Tumblr have been amazing about making suggestions for future plot directions and various things they would like to see happen next. So, perhaps you could help a fellow Castle fan out and share some of your ideas? Pretty please? Specifically, what are you liking or not liking about the story so far and MORE IMPORTANTLY, what were you hoping was going to happen next in the story?

**Update: I found some beta help and Chapter 12 is written. It is nearly 5,000 words and I'm feeling much better about it. Once I get edits back, I will post it, either tonight or first thing tomorrow morning. I can't wait to hear what you think of it :)**


	13. Barely Breathing

**Oh my god, the chapter that I thought I'd never write is finished and I actually don't hate it. I'm pretty happy with it in fact, which is not something I say often about my own writing. A million thanks to my betas without which this chapter never would have come together, specifically "Banterer" and "MaFan" on this site and "rosaline-rambles-about-castle" on Tumblr. You are lovely human beings and brilliant editors :) **

**I want to give another big thanks to the many wonderful readers and reviewers who've taken the time to send me feedback on here and on Tumblr. There have been many times that I've been tempted to give up on this story, but your reviews have pulled me back to the writing time and time again. Please don't stop the reading and reviewing – the motivation I get every time I check my e-mail and see all the new alerts, favorites, and reviews is priceless. **

**But back to the story now... Stick around after this chapter and I'll give you a sense of where the story is going next (since I've outlined the story through it's conclusion). **

_**Castle took in a deep breath as he prepared to see Kate, hoping with all that he had that she would be extubated, calm, and pain-free. But whatever happened next, Rick knew that it would be okay as long as he and Kate could face it together. **_

As Rick walked into the recovery room, he instantly sensed that something was wrong. At first, he couldn't see Kate's face due to the cluster of doctors and nurses huddled around her bed, but he could see that her lower body was thrashing wildly beneath the blankets. He felt the cold wash of guilt as he hurried to her bedside, realizing that Kate had to be conscious in order to make those movements, meaning that he hadn't kept his promise to be by her side before she woke up. He pushed through the throng of medical professionals to Kate's side, stopping in shock and horror as he took in Kate's appearance.

Kate was laying prone against the hospital bed, her skin paler than it had been mere hours earlier. Her right side was a mess of bandages, and her right arm was immobilized against her chest in a complicated-looking sling. Her eyes were closed tightly, her face contorted in obvious pain while tears streamed unabated down her cheeks. Worse still, a blue endotracheal tube jutted from her mouth, clearly signaling Kate's need for mechanical breathing assistance.

Rick's hands were immediately on Kate's body, trying to soothe her in whatever way he could. He brought a steadying hand to Kate's temple, stroking her hair gently as he bent his head until his mouth was inches from her ear. His other hand sought hers simultaneously, and was shocked to find Kate's left hand was restrained with a soft cloth restraint attached to the bedrail. He felt his blood boil as he thought of how terrified Kate must have been to wake up alone without Castle with a tube down her throat and her hand tied to the bed.

Without asking for permission, Rick carefully undid the restraint from her left hand and took it in is his, giving it a gentle squeeze as he spoke to her. "Kate? Honey, it's okay. I'm here. The surgery's over. You're going to be fine. Just try to relax, okay?"

Rick watched as some of the tension left Kate's face as he began to speak. She gripped his hand like a lifeline, crushing his fingers as she clung to him. She tugged his hand toward her face, and though she didn't open her eyes, he knew that she was trying to ask about the tube.

"Shh, I know, Kate. Hopefully it can come out soon. Just hang on a sec. Let me ask."

Rick turned to Amy, his eyes hard as he allowed some of his frustration with the current situation to boil back up to the surface. "What is going on here? I thought you were going to bring me back before she woke up. And why the hell was she restrained? She's panicking enough without me here and the tube down her throat, so that is absolutely the last thing she needed. And when is the tube coming out?"

"Listen, Mr. Castle, I understand that you are upset, but please, you need to calm down for her sake. Dr. Jameson is in the lobby talking to the rest of Detective Beckett's family so he can give you a fuller report when he returns. But basically, they had to lighten her anesthesia towards the end of the surgery because they were having a hard time keeping her vitals stable. As soon as they went to transfer her from the OR table, she started to wake up. She was panicking and in a lot of pain, and started trying to pull out the tube. We had to restrain her for her own safety. Dr. Jameson planned to wean her off the vent once we got her back to recovery and got her pain managed so that she was calm, but when he tried switching the vent to the demand setting which only provides manual ventilation if the patient suddenly stops breathing, she wasn't maintaining her oxygenation. As soon as she can keep her O2 saturation above 90% without breathing assistance, he'll pull the tube. I'm really sorry that she has to go through this, but we have to do what's best for the patient, even if it is painful or difficult."

Castle dropped his head to his hands, feeling angry and terrified in equal measure. As much as he wanted to throw the chair he was sitting on through a window, Amy was right that he needed to be calm for Kate's sake. He took several deep breaths to steady himself before looking up at Amy. "Listen, I'm sorry if I yelled, Amy. I'm just worried about Kate. What can I do to help her?"

"The main thing to do is to help keep her calm and still. She responds to you, so you should talk to her. Explain what's going on. Help her through the pain. She's maxed out on pain medication at the moment, but we can give her the next dose in about 10 minutes, so help distract her until then. I think she's probably ready to breathe on her own, but the doctor's not going to pull the tube until she's calm, especially since she almost pulled it out herself a while ago." Amy responded while simultaneously checking her patient's vital signs.

Rick nodded and turned his full attention back to Kate. Her eyes were shut again and tears continued to stream down Kate's face unabated, and Castle felt his stomach clench and his heart ache as the look on her face reached inside of him and awakened a protective instinct unlike anything had ever experienced before. He simply couldn't reconcile _his_ Kate with the weak, vulnerable, and terrified woman in front of him. Kate was one of the strongest women he'd ever met and to see her like _this_...well, it was eating away at him, making him dizzy with panic and guilt. He could see just how badly Kate needed him at the moment, but didn't know how to help her when he was every bit as scared as she was.

Kate was drowning and she couldn't find the surface. She was so disoriented that she didn't even know which way was up. Sounds and sensations were rushing past her but it was all too fast to make sense of. Before Kate knew it, she was slipping deeper and deeper and wondering, "_why won't anyone help me_?" She could sense people around her, but they just sat there, seemingly indifferent to her pain and distress. She wanted to scream for help, but no sound would come out. Her voice was blocked, her throat already clogged with saltwater from the ocean. Or was it a river of tears? Kate wasn't sure. As she floated along, feeling the tide tugging her farther and farther into the blackness, she couldn't help but think that there was something very important that she had forgotten.

Suddenly, Kate became aware of a warm presence floating near her. At first she thought that she was hallucinating, that the sensation was simply the dying wish of a drowning woman. But the warm weight slowly took shape until she could feel a body near hers, close enough to touch. She blindly reached for it, her hands shaking in relief as she captured a warm hand in hers. She wasn't alone. Maybe someone could save her, could pull her out of the water and remove the saltwater from her throat that continued to slowly suffocate her little by little, torturing her all the more as it left her with just enough air to keep from slipping away completely. She kept a tight hold on the person next to her, trying to follow his lead to the surface. She wanted so badly to call out for help, to tell him to pull her out of the water, and to pound her on the back until the water cleared her lungs and she could breathe again. But her throat continued to stay blocked and Kate found herself slipping again, unable to communicate with the mysterious presence who seemed content to watch her slowly drown. Just before she went under again, she managed to wrench open her eyes, looking into the clear, blue eyes of someone hauntingly familiar whose name escaped her. She held his gaze for a second before she sank back into the depths again.

Castle was interrupted from his private, selfish thoughts by a tug on his hand. In the midst of his emotional breakdown, Kate had reached over and captured one of his hands from where it was resting under his chin. He looked back to her in shock, feeling another hot stab of guilt at the pleading look in her eyes. He could only guess at what she was thinking, as the breathing tube prevented her from talking. But in Castle's mind, the pleading look spoke volumes. He could almost imagine Kate calling out to him, saying, "_help me, Castle. I can't do this alone. You promised."_

Rick closed his eyes long enough to take a steadying breath, commanding his face and hands to project a sense of calm assurance that was at odds with how he was truly feeling. He was so relieved to see Kate's eyes open, to see her momentarily show a flicker of recognition at his presence, but she was gone again almost as quickly. He thought back to what Amy had said. _"Talk to her. She responds to you. Help her through the pain."_

Castle searched his memory banks for anything he could use to distract Kate momentarily. He thought back to all the times Alexis had been sick as a child, home with a stomach bug or a cold. Rick would carry her downstairs and set her up on the couch in a fortress of pillows and blankets. Then he'd pour her some ginger ale and they would snuggle up together on the couch to watch her favorite cartoon, Winnie the Pooh. This was a tradition that had been handed down from father to daughter as one of the rare maternal things Mother had done when Rick was younger was to read to him from "Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree" before bed. True, she'd often insisted on using increasingly outlandish voices for the characters as part of her "acting practice" but Rick had still hung on her every word, feeling safe, and warm, and at peace anytime he heard the stories. He'd even downloaded "Return to Hundred Acre Wood" on his iPhone's Kindle app a few months ago after Mother had reminded him of how much he used to love the Winnie the Pooh stories, and had been thinking he might try to buy a signed first edition of the book for her for a Mother's Day present.

Meanwhile, Kate was adrift again. The feelings and sounds and sensations were starting to come rushing back all at once and it was too much for her to bear. Suddenly, the never-ending blackness of the cold, stark ocean seemed like a relief compared to this new place where everything was loud and hot and sharp and ever so painful. Kate's chest was ablaze, the cold saltwater in her lungs having been swapped for an eternally burning fire that threatened to consume her at any minute. The only coolness, the only port in the storm that she could find belonged to the hand in hers. The hand was currently stroking across her knuckles with whisper-light strokes that balanced out the fire in the rest of her body. Slowly, Kate started to catch flashes of other stimuli. A faint memory of blue eyes that were both warm and hauntingly familiar. A soft voice, whispering almost as gently as the whisper light strokes on her hand, feeling every bit as much of a relief as the touch did. She knew that touch, that voice, that scent that was clean and masculine. She was so close to something important, and Kate knew that it was imperative in that moment that she _remember. _

Rick glanced back up to Kate. Her eyes were still closed and tears were silently streaming down her cheeks. Her movements had stilled some, losing the desperate and frantic quality that had frightened Castle so much when he first entered the room. Kate's face was still tense, as if she were concentrating all of her attentions on solving a very difficult puzzle. Castle decided to try talking to her, as she seemed closer to awareness than she had been moments ago.

"Hey Kate? You doing okay, sweetheart?" Rick drew himself closer to her, trying to reassure her with his physical touch in any way that he could. He bent down to place a delicate kiss on her forehead before threading the fingers of his left hand through hers. "Listen, the surgery is over. I know you're scared, but the doctor says everything is going to be just fine. We're going to get that tube out soon, okay? They said they would take it out as soon as you calmed down and worked on taking slow, deep breaths. Can you do that for me? Listen, I'm going to breathe with you. I'll squeeze your hand when I breathe in. Just listen to my breathing. Nice and slow. There you go," Castle encouraged as he watched Kate stop fighting the ventilation, breathing with the machine instead of against it for once. "Good, Kate. That's really good. I'm going to call the nurse and see if we can get that tube out now, alright? Just keep breathing nice and slow like me."

The man next to her was talking, squeezing her hand gently as he did so. The sounds were getting clearer, and Kate could just make out what he was saying. "Surgery's over," Kate heard the man say. And suddenly it all came rushing back to her. The shooting. The pain. The surgery. That meant that the man art her side was Rick. Kate felt a rush of relief and with the next surge of the tide, she surfaced, opening her eyes and looking directly into the warm blue eyes of one Richard Castle.

Castle was startled as Kate's eyes flew open and she looked directly at him, seeming to truly _see _him for the first time since the surgery ended. Castle felt his stomach drop as Kate's eyes started swimming with tears again, and he could see her choking back sobs around the endotracheal tube still inserted down her throat.

"Oh Kate...honey, shh... I know. I know it hurts and you want the tube out. Listen, I just called Amy and she said they could give you more pain medicine in a few minutes. Just try to stay calm and keep breathing nice and slow.

When Amy slid open the curtain surrounding Kate's bed a minute later, Rick nearly kissed her in relief. "How's she doing?" Amy asked quietly as she began to jot down some numbers from the various monitors her patient was attached to.

"A little better, I think. She's still in a lot of pain, but she seems calmer. She's definitely breathing better. He reached up a hand to gently stroke her cheek again. "Hey Kate? Amy's back to check on you."

Amy leaned closer to Kate's bedside, making eye contact with her patient as Kate slowly opened her eyes. "Hi Kate, it's been long enough since your last dose of pain medicine that we can give you some more. Are you still in pain?" she asked gently. "Can you rate it with 10 being the worst? Just hold up your fingers."

Kate looked at Amy, her eyes wide. Slowly, carefully she nodded before reluctantly releasing Rick's hand in order to hold up all ten fingers on both hands.

Amy looked at her patient grimly. "Okay Kate, so you're saying 10 out of 10?" she confirmed.

Kate nodded as her eyes slid shut once again, several tears escaping from her eyes as she did so, causing hot tears to slide down her cheeks. She reached blindly until Rick's warm hand found hers and squeezed it gently.

"Shh, it's okay, Kate. You are doing great. We're going to get you some more medicine for the pain," Rick whispered as he stroked her hair. He turned his attentions back to Amy who was already drawing the contents of a vial into a syringe.

"Okay Kate, I'm going to inject some pain medicine into your IV. It may burn for a second, but it should start to help pretty quickly," Amy announced as she administered the medication.

Rick sighed in relief as he watched the medication travel down the tube into Kate's bloodstream, hopeful that the ordeal of the last 15 minutes could be quickly put behind them. But Kate had other ideas. She began to tug on Castle's hand and point to the tube in her throat, clearly wanting it removed.

"Let me ask, Kate. Hang on, honey." Rick turned back to Amy who was listening to Kate's chest with a stethoscope. As soon as she pulled away, Castle started in.

"How's she doing? Is she breathing better? Do you think the doctor will pull the tube soon?" he asked worriedly.

"Her vitals seem to be calming down a bit which is good. Her heart rate is starting to drop a bit, and the pain medicine should help get it down to near normal levels. The biggest issue is still her breathing. Her oxygen levels are good right now, but my concern is that the pain medication I just gave her might suppress her breathing a bit. We need her to be able to stay at 90% or above to get the tube out.

Kate squeezed Castle's hand hard, and Rick had a pretty good idea of what she wanted to communicate.

"Okay, how long do we need to wait to make sure that her breathing doesn't get worse because of the pain medication? She's trying to stay calm, but I know she's having a hard time with the tube," he stated firmly. Rick looked back at Kate to see her nod emphatically, a single tear trickling down her cheek as she nodded from a mixture of both frustration and relief.

Amy sighed, unsure as how to best answer the writer's question without panicking her patient or giving anyone false hope. "We need to wait another 5-10 minutes at least and then we can reassess. How about this: I'll be back to check on you in five more minutes Kate, and if your oxygen levels are still where they need to be, I'll get the doctor to come see about pulling the tube, okay?"

Kate's eyes widened again, giving Rick a look that seemed to suggest that five to ten minutes in her current state would be an eternity, a feeling that Rick was altogether too familiar with at the moment. He looked up at Amy and nodded his assent, before returning his full attention to Kate as Amy quietly left the room to confer with the doctor.

"I know, Kate. That seems like forever right now. How about I read you something to distract you? Sound good?" Rick asked while simultaneously reaching into his pocket to grab his iPhone and boot the Kindle app. "Did you ever read Winnie the Pooh when you were a kid? That's always been one of my go-to books for when Alexis was sick. Sound good?"

He looked back at her to see her looking at him with a dumbfounded expression on her face, tears falling even faster in earnest down her cheeks. Rick felt his chest tighten at her distress. "_Okay, clearly this was a bad idea," _he thought helplessly.

"Sorry honey, something else then? I can download something else. Maybe a chapter from my newest Nikki Heat book? I've got my draft saved on here somewhere..." Castle trailed off, feeling more and more panicked by the second as he scrolled through Amazon, looking for _something_ that could help keep Kate calm.

Rick was dragged from his Amazon search by another sharp tug on his hand. He looked up at Kate, seeing that she was shaking her head no. Her free hand was shakily gesturing something. It looked like "go on" perhaps? "Wait, so no to Nikki Heat?" Rick asked, confused.

Kate nodded her head in agreement with that statement, her eyes locked on Castle's as she did so. Her eyes were wide and there was something she was clearly trying to get across.

"Hmm, okay, so something else then?" Castle asked, his eyes already back on his iPhone as he scrolled through Amazon's Kindle store. His eyes were pulled back to Kate as she tugged on his hand again. He looked up in surprise as she shook her head no before making the same gesture she had made earlier.

"No to reading something else too? Sorry, Kate I'm not sure what..."

Castle was interrupted as Kate reached towards his iPhone. After a second's hesitation, he had an idea. He quickly opened up his phone text message application, pulling up a blank text box. He brought the phone to Kate, holding it up in front of her face so that she could see the screen. Her eyes lit up and she began to slowly type a message on the screen in front of her.

"Want Winnie," Castle read as Kate slowly typed.

"Oh! You do want me to read that after all?" he asked, surprised. She shook her head emphatically, although her eyes quickly filled with tears again.

"Okay, okay honey. Let me pull it up. He scrolled through the iPhone until he found the right story. His other hand went back and grasped her right hand in his, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over her knuckles as he began to read.

"Here we go...I'm going to read Return to Hundred Acre Wood, it's the newest story that they published in 2009. Sound good?" Castle received a gentle squeeze to his hand, encouraging him to continue.

"Let's start with the dedication. I hate it when people skip over that part. As an author, it happens to be one of my favorite parts to write." Another gentle squeeze told Rick that Kate agreed which made sense given that his last dedication had been written to her, the extraordinary KB.

Castle began to read slowly, his clear voice ringing out among the cacophony of noises from the machinery around him. The hiss of the ventilator, the steady beep of the heart monitor, and the quieter drip sound coming from the various intravenous lines that Kate was attached to all faded into the background as Rick continued to recite the familiar, comforting prose.

"You gave us Christopher Robin and Pooh

And a forest of shadow and streams,

And the whole world smiled with you, as you

Offered us our dreams.

I took up the offer and page upon page

And line upon fanciful line,

I tried to show in a different age

Your dreams are mine."

Castle glanced up as he finished the dedication, noticing that Kate had closed her eyes, but tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her hand continued to grasp his tightly as she seemed to be holding on for dear life. Rick set his iPhone down in his lap momentarily and reached his left hand to Kate's cheek, stroking it gently as he wiped at her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"It's okay, Kate. Everything's going to be fine, sweetheart. I'm here, okay? I'm not leaving." He watched her carefully, hoping she would open her eyes, that she would reassure him in some way that she was okay. But instead, Kate remained motionless. After a second, Castle continued, his voice softer than it had been before. "Want me to keep going?" he asked quietly.

Kate nodded her head, her eyes still closed as she seemed lost in her own silent reverie.

"Okay," Castle replied. "Chapter one: in which Christopher Robin returns. Who started it? Nobody knew. One moment there was the usual Forest babble: the wind in the trees, the crow of a cock, the cheerful water in the streams. Then came the Rumour: Christopher Robin is back!" As Castle continued to read on he felt the grip on his hand loosen slightly as Kate began to lose herself in the story, allowing her to temporarily leave the prison that her body currently was.

After Castle began to read, the ten minutes seemed to pass as quickly as possible given the circumstances. Castle continued to steal private glances at Kate every so often, noticing the tightness in her face clearly signaling that she was still uncomfortable, but relieved that some of the tension and pain had left her face nevertheless since he'd started the story.

Castle was about halfway through Chapter 1 when Amy returned, closely followed by Dr. Jameson. Castle let out a sigh of relief and looked back to Kate, who was also perked up at the possibility of getting the tube out.

"Hello there, Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett," Dr. Jameson greeted, his eyes immediately going to Kate's monitors, seeming satisfied with what he saw there. He brought his stethoscope to Kate's chest and listened carefully for several seconds before nodding.

He turned to Amy. "Okay, her chest sounds clear. Let's go ahead and set up for extubation. We'll need O2 and suction on stand-by." Amy nodded and began to prepare a tray with various implements. Castle dropped his head to Kate's and began whispering to her reassuringly.

"Hey sweetheart, they're about to take the tube out, okay? You did great. I'm going to be right here. Just squeeze my hand, okay?"

Rick looked up to the doctor, unsure as to what he could do to help. "What should I..." he started hesitantly.

Doctor Jameson nodded, addressing Kate and Rick at once as he began to explain the procedure. "Detective, when I tell you to, I want to blow out as hard as you can, okay? It's going to feel like you need to cough when the tube is pulled out, but try to stay as still as you can, because I don't want you disturbing the chest tube or pulling at your incision. Mr. Castle, just hold her hand and try to help keep her still."

Rick nodded, looking back at Kate who gave him a pleading look, causing him to tighten his grip on Kate's hand and bring his free hand to her temple to stroke her hair. He grasped for something to say, to distract her from what was going on. He smiled as a thought occurred to him.

"Hey Kate, did you ever read the first Winnie the Pooh book? The one by A.A. Milne?" Rick asked, watching her furrow her brow momentarily before nodding in response.

"You know, there's this one quote that was always Alexis' favorite. It reminds me of you. I don't remember the exact wording, but something about if you are 100, I only want to live to be 99 so I don't have to be without you. Know what I'm talking about?"

Kate's eyebrows raised slightly as she thought and then nodded, her eyes softening as she looked back at Castle in spite of herself.

"Okay Detective, blow out as hard as you can," Doctor Jameson directed as he began to slowly remove the tube.

Kate's body spasmed as she fought against a coughing jag, letting out a hoarse barking cough as soon as the tube cleared her throat that seemed to last far too long. Castle did what he could to steady her, squeezing her hand tightly and whispering reassurances. "Shh Kate, you're okay. Just breathe, honey. Try to take slow, deep breaths."

Amy reached up and suctioned some fluid from Kate's mouth before placing an oxygen mask over Kate's face and encouraging her to breathe deeply. Kate's eyes slid closed as the coughing jag slowed and finally stopped, appearing weakened and exhausted by the ordeal. Rick looked to Dr. Jameson worriedly, but he nodded, seeming pleased with the readout on Kate's monitors. He stepped to the corner of the room with Amy and began to give her some directions, leaving Rick and Kate in relative privacy.

Rick dropped his forehead to Kate's, wiping away the tears that had gathered on her cheeks. "You did it, Kate. Worst part is over. You need anything?"

Kate shook her head slowly, her every moment slowed down by pain and exhaustion. Castle settled back in by her side, gently stroking her hair and her hand as she rested. He was sure that Kate had slipped back into an uneasy sleep, until he heard her voice, low and rough in the darkness of the hospital room.

"If you live to be a hundred," Kate started, her voice barely above a whisper.

Rick had to bend his head just to make out the words. "What was that, Kate?"

"If you live to be a hundred...I want to live to be one hundred minus one day...so I never have to live without you. That's the quote...the one you mangled earlier," Kate finished her eyes still closed, but with the slightest hint of a smile on her lips. "My mom..." she started, her voice hoarsened further by the growing lump in her throat. "My mom used to read it to me too when I was little."

Rick's mouth dropped open in shock, momentarily speechless. He dropped to kiss her forehead and whispered in reply. "One hundred minus one day, huh? Sounds good to me."

**End Chapter Note: Thank god, the chapter from hell is finally done! Once I found the Winnie the Pooh hook, it was much easier. Winnie the Pooh was a go-to book and cartoon for me when I was little and hurt or sick, so it only seemed appropriate to add it here. All of the quotes, save for the last one by A.A. Milne are from "Return to Hundred Acre Wood" by David Benedictus. Capitalization and UK English word spellings are directly quoted from his work. **

**I've outlined the rest of this story and believe it or not, I'm planning to write 21 chapters total, so there is still much more to come. I'd love to tell you that I'll post the next chapter sometime very soon, but my master's thesis is due to my committee chair this week, I've just been recruited to author another research paper for an upcoming journal submission, and am working on a grant proposal to fund a potentially huge multi-year research project. Oh academia, you are my own personal Everest sometimes... **

**I just wish that all the writing I've been doing lately could be about something **_**fun **_**like Caskett. So, how about I make you a deal? I promise to publish the next chapter as soon as humanly possible and guarantee that I won't make you wait quite as long as you had to wait for this chapter. In return, maybe you could send a few more reviews my way? When I've gotten stuck on a chapter before, my readers and reviewers on here and on Tumblr have been amazing about making suggestions for future plot directions and various things they would like to see happen next. So, after you finish this chapter, perhaps you could help a fellow Castle fan out and share some of your ideas? Pretty please? My new personal goal is at least one chapter a week until it's finished. With your help, I think I can make that happen.**

**If you aren't already following me on Tumblr, what the heck are you waiting for? I post exclusive content on there in addition to my longer, serialized fanfics. I share Castle drabbles, story specific playlist, plot ficlets, and much, much more, so visit me at: place-that-ive-been-dreaming-of (dot) tumblr (dot) com. Thanks for reading :)**


	14. Nightmares and Complications

**Hi again. Thanks for being so patient while I worked on school stuff for a few weeks. The thesis is turned in, all 12,000 plus words of it. Such a relief to have that out of the way so that I can focus on this story again! Hopefully, this chapter has a little bit of everything in it: fluff, suspense, romance, and angst. The movie I mention in this chapter, Once, is one of my absolute favorite movies of all time. If you haven't seen it yet, you need to watch it immediately. I listened to the Oscar-winning song from the movie's soundtrack "Falling Slowly" on repeat while I wrote this chapter. It makes good accompaniment to the story if you are into that sort of thing. **

_**Rick's mouth dropped open in shock, momentarily speechless. He dropped to kiss her forehead and whispered in reply, "A hundred minus one day, huh? Sounds good to me."**_

Two and a half days later, Castle and Beckett had settled into a comfortable routine. Lanie came to the hospital every morning before work to drop off coffee and danishes for Castle and to check on Kate's overnight labs and general well-being. Occasionally Esposito accompanied her on these early morning visits. Since the shooting, it seemed that everyone had been brought closer together. Lanie and Javier were no longer even attempting to hide their relationship or the fact that while Esposito hadn't officially moved in with Lanie, he was spending more nights at Lanie's apartment than he spent at his own.

Jim usually appeared around lunchtime, eager to make sure that his daughter was getting plenty of rest and being well taken care of. Rick soon learned that Jim wasn't the most talkative of the bunch, so their time together was often spent reading the paper or watching bad daytime soaps. Afternoons brought visits from Martha and Alexis. Alexis took the subway directly from school to the hospital, often lugging an insane amount of textbooks with her in her quest to stay ahead on her homework so that she would be accepted to Stanford. Kate usually crashed in the early afternoon, worn out from the morning visits and the various tests and procedures she was still being subjected to on a daily basis. Castle liked to take advantage of this quiet time in order to work on his writing while Alexis methodically worked through her Calculus homework and Martha sat memorizing a script for her latest off-off-Broadway play.

Kevin and Jenny usually stopped by in the early evening when they got off of work. Many evenings they were joined by Lanie and Esposito. Kate was anxious for any updates on her mother's murder case and the subsequent shooting, so Ryan and Esposito filled her in on the leads they'd run down. So far though, it appeared that progress was at a standstill as all leads seemed to detour down one dead end after another.

Through it all, Castle had been Kate's rock. Her constant. He'd simply refused to leave the hospital, leaving her bedside only for the shortest periods of time in order to shower in the doctor's locker room or to grab something to eat from the cafeteria. Kate had half-heartedly urged him to go home and get some rest on more than one occasion. But Castle had seen through what she was saying to the fear in her eyes, and he knew he couldn't leave her. After having several iterations of this debate, Rick finally managed to shut down the topic for good with a simple statement.

"Look Kate, trust me when I say that I'll sleep better here than I will at home. I promise." Rick had stated calmly.

"Rick, that makes no sense. Even _I'm_finding it damn near impossible to get any rest in here, what with the noisy monitors, the lights that they never turn off, or the nurses barging into my room at all hours of the day or night to check my vitals. Why on god's green earth would you say that you'd sleep better in the midst of all this?" Kate had asked in mock exasperation.

"Because as long as I'm here, I can see with my own two eyes that you are okay. You think I'd be able to sleep at home not knowing if you were in pain or trying to get up without the nurse's help or doing one of the seventy-five other things you are currently banned from doing but are just stubborn enough to attempt on your own?" Castle's once calm voice shook slightly as he looked to Kate with flushed cheeks, breathing hard.

"Oh," was all Kate was able to mutter, looking away to avoid Castle's intense gaze as she was reminded all over again how much he loved her and of the hell that he'd been through in the past few days. She took a deep breath and started again. "Rick, I..."

"Shh, I know, Kate. You don't have to say anything," Rick interrupted, the tension leaving his face and being replaced with one of his trademark grins. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but given the circumstances, it was a pretty good imitation of the old, carefree Rick.

Kate smiled back, relieved that Rick understood her so well that there was no need to apologize or explain. "I was just going to ask you what movie you wanted to watch on Netflix tonight," Kate replied with a smirk.

It had taken them nearly thirty minutes of browsing and arguing to settle on a movie. Kate requested no comedies since laughing hurt. A lot. And Rick had vetoed every action movie or thriller that Kate suggested until Kate finally realized that he was vetoing any movie that might contain gunfire and stop suggesting anything in that genre. They'd finally settled on _Once,_a sweeping romance that featured the lead singer of one of Kate's favorite bands The Frames.

Castle spent a few minutes fiddling with cords and wires before he'd managed to hook his laptop up to the plasma flatscreen television hanging in the corner that definitely wasn't hospital issue. Yesterday, Kate had made a conscious decision to simply stop asking where all of the luxury good and services were coming from after she'd been given a cashmere robe to go along with her plush and not at all hideous dressing gown. One day, when she was recovered and back to work, she'd find a way to thank Castle for all the time, effort, and money that he'd spent on getting her the best care available, but for now, Kate was simply grateful.

Once Castle started the movie, he walked back to Kate's side, intending to reclaim his usual perch on an overstuffed recliner by Kate's bedside. But Kate had other ideas. She looked at him with an unreadable expression before patting the mattress beside her. Castle raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Kate, I...are you..." he stuttered. But Kate just smirked back at him, her look both simultaneously teasing and pleading.

"Don't make me ask again, Rick," she said with a hint of a smile.

That was all it took. Rick rose to his feet, still looking unsure as he tried to find the best way to lower himself onto the bed without disturbing the mess of wires and leads that surrounded Kate on the bed. "I don't want to hurt you," he said, suddenly anxious and uncertain.

"You won't. You would never..." Kate replied reassuringly. She slowly and carefully slid her body to the left to make more room on the bed, wincing only slightly as one of the many tubes pulled slightly as she shifted. Rick carefully lowered himself onto the bed beside Kate. Slowly, she shifted back towards him in the dim light, resting her head against his chest and snuggling against him like her favorite pillow. Rick smiled and let his left hand rest near the nape of her neck as he lazily ran his fingers through her hair.

Kate sighed contently, feeling truly safe for the first time since the Captain had been shot days earlier. In that moment, Kate forgot that she was in a hospital, that there was an assassin roaming the streets of New York bent on killing her and anyone she loved, and that it still hurt to breathe, laugh, or move. Instead, as she settled into Castle's arms to watch the movie, she pretended she was at her apartment on a date with the man she loved.

It took Castle a bit longer to relax. For the first few minutes, he breathed shallowly through his nose, afraid that if his chest moved up and down too much, it might hurt Kate. But he quickly realized that hyperventilation was not a viable option for the remainder of their relationship, seeing as he got dizzy after a few minutes of breathing that way. So, he finally started to breathe normally, but still kept his body tense, waiting for any small sign that Kate was uncomfortable. As he listened to her breathing even out into a slow, regular rhythm, he felt his body finally begin to relax, the tension of the last few days pouring off his body in waves at the feel of Kate's body in his arms. The feel of her breath against his cheek and the warmth of her skin against his lulled him into a state of tranquility and he lost himself in the story and music of the movie.

They were barely halfway into the movie when Castle heard a soft snore from Kate. He looked down and couldn't help but smile at her face that was so unguarded, childlike, and open in sleep. He could easily watch her sleep for hours. But Kate had caught him watching her sleep yesterday and she'd admonished him for being creepy and threatened to take out a restraining order if he didn't cut it out. But it was a loving threat, or so Castle was choosing to believe. With difficulty, Castle tore his gaze from Kate's face, placing a gentle kiss to her temple before he muted the television and turned off the beside lamp. He glanced at his phone before closing his eyes and was surprised to see it was barely 10 PM. Kate wasn't scheduled to get her next dose of medications until 1 AM, meaning that there was a possibility that both of them could get some much needed, uninterrupted sleep. Castle brushed a stray lock of hair off Kate's forehead, whispering "Goodnight Kate" in the dark before closing his eyes and giving into sleep.

_Kate was running, faster than she'd ever run before. But as she pounded against the dew-dampened grass, her lungs burning from the effort, she knew it would be too late..._

Kate heard drums, the rhythm pounding in time with the beat of her heart. They were at a funeral. Someone important's funeral judging from the volume of people in attendance. Kate was in her police uniform. So it must be a cop's funeral, she realized. She was there to do something important, but she was so tired and heavy that it was hard to focus on anything other than putting one foot in front of the other. She sensed, rather than saw the eyes on her. Everyone was staring, waiting for her to do something. But what? Why didn't they just tell her what they wanted?

She looked around, growing slightly dizzy from the heat of the sun burning overhead. She wanted nothing more to plunge into a body of water, allowing her body to be cooled and made weightless by the water. But there was no water in sight. Without knowing why, she began to walk towards a podium, feeling more eyes on her as she did so. She stood and looked out over the crowd, seeing a sea of faces but not recognizing anyone. She glanced down at the podium, hoping to receive some clue about what she was to do next, when suddenly it came to her. She began to speak, words tumbling free of her mouth, carried by a river of rising emotion.

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices. But we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us, there is no victory, there are only battles. And in the end, the best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you are very lucky," Kate paused momentarily, swallowing back tears as she sought someone's eyes in the crowd. Her eyes found his, cool, blue pools that relieved the steady but growing burn from the sun overhead. He held her gaze steadily, communicating without words everything she needed to hear and feel in that moment, giving her the strength to go on.

"And if you are very lucky," she repeated for emphasis. "You find someone willing to stand with you."

She took a deep breath, her chest burning with the effort as she sucked in a lungful of the thick, hot air. She was starting to feel unsteady on her feet again, but worse still, she was suddenly filled with a nameless dread. Something bad was going to happen. And only she could stop it. But what was it? And why couldn't she remember?

Suddenly, a glint from a nearby stone caught her eye. She squinted in the bright light, trying to make out a shape. And in the split second before the muted pop of a suppressed rifle hit her ears, she knew. And just like that, Kate was running, faster than she'd ever run before. But as she pounded against the dew-dampened grass, her lungs burning from the effort, she knew it would be too late...

Rick was awakened by a piercing scream. His eyes flew open to see Kate struggling fitfully against him, her eyes closed but tensed in pain. Or was it fear? Within seconds, he'd switched on the bedside lamp and started trying to wake Kate.

"Kate? Kate honey, wake up. It's okay. Shh, you're just having a nightmare. Kate, look at me." Castle tensed as Kate continued to struggle weakly, her eyes still closed tight as she fought invisible demons. He took her face in both of his hands, his eyes widening in shock as he felt the incredible heat seeping from her pores. "Shit,_"_ Rick swore as he held Kate still against the mattress with one hand while reaching for the call button with the other.

Kate was on her knees, the dampness from the grass seeping into her uniform pants. The scent of blood, acrid and pungent, invaded her nostrils, making her feel nauseous and dizzy. The heat from overhead continued to intensify as the sun beat down on her mercilessly. She bit her lip and looked down at her partner.

"Rick? Oh god...no, no, no...Don't...I'm sorry. I tried to..." she stuttered out in a panic, watching as her partner paled beneath her hands as she tried helplessly to stem the flow of blood. She gazed into his eyes that had once soothed her with their cool blue depths. But now, they burned with anger, piercing Kate more than a bullet ever could with the force of his accusation. She had failed him. Kate swallowed hard, trying to think of way to make things right again, before Castle's eyes slid shut and suddenly the world was gone, leaving behind only blackness.

Castle tensed as Kate cried out his name. He looked down, hoping that she was finally coming back to him, but was shocked to see that her eyes were closed and she appeared to be trapped in her own private hell.

"C'mon Kate...wake up. You're okay. I'm here... Just _please_ Kate. Open your eyes," Rick all but begged, wiping at the tears that were pouring from Kate's closed eyes.

With a gasp, Kate broke through the blackness into the dim light. The first thing she saw were the same blue eyes that had haunted her only moments earlier.

"Kate? Oh thank god... It's okay. You're okay. You had a nightmare, but you're safe," Castle reassured, stroking her sweat-dampened hair from her boiling forehead.

"Rick? You're okay? I thought you...I though you were...I thought he sh..." Kate stuttered over the words, unable to speak her fears aloud, irrationally worried that just speaking it would cause it to come true.

"I'm okay...everything's fine, Kate," Castle whispered, hugging her tighter, ignoring the dampness against his chest from a mixture of tears and sweat. He kissed her gently on the temple and pulled back, gazing at her carefully. "Hey, besides the obvious, how are you feeling? You feeling bad again? You're really warm, Kate," Rick stated worriedly.

"Yeah...I'm hot...and kind of cold? I don't know, Rick. I just feel awful," Kate admitted tiredly.

"Are you hurting anywhere in particular?" Rick asked.

"My chest, I guess. Headache too. What's wrong with me?" Kate asked, looking at Castle with half-lidded eyes. The terror had started to abate, leaving behind only a bone-weary exhaustion. She was just so tired that every movement took nearly superhuman effort.

"I don't know, Kate. I think you are running a fever, but that's all I got at the moment. We'll just have to wait for Amy to tell us what's going on. I called her just a second ago," Rick responded wearily.

As if on cue, Amy hurried into the room, trailing a vitals machine behind her. She took one look at her patient and the rumpled bed and knew something was wrong. She could see Kate's face was flushed and damp with the unmistakeable sheen of fever, and her eyes were wild, tired, and pained.

"What happened?" Amy asked tersely as she fit the blood pressure cuff around Kate's arm and began to inflate it. Next, she slid a thermometer under her patient's tongue, looking back at the display and watching in alarm as the numbers chased upwards much too quickly.

Rick rubbed a rough hand over his face in frustration. "I don't know... She was sleeping and she started having a nightmare. It took me a few minutes to wake her up though. She's burning up, Amy," he spoke flatly.

Amy started to speak but was interrupted by the beeping of thermometer. She and Rick glanced at the display simultaneously.

Rick's eyebrows shot up and his stomach dropped as he read the display. 103.7. And Rick's only thought? "_Shit.__"_

**This seemed as good a place as any to end it. Not exactly a cliffhanger since we know what's wrong with Kate, but things are tense nonetheless. I promised myself I'd be as realistic as possible with Kate's injury and with a gunshot wound in an unsterile environment, infections are almost to be expected. But I was also glad that I got to add in a little fluff and lightness before everything went to hell again. There will be more interaction between Rick and the other secondary characters in the next chapter. In terms of updating again, I'm thinking about a week. I'll try for sooner than that, but I've got to turn in mid-term grades for my gazillion students by Wednesday and I need to update a few other WIP stories. In the meantime, I'm excited to hear what you think of the newest chapter. **

**And if you aren't already following me on Tumblr, what are you waiting for? I posted a chapter tease on Tumblr this afternoon and am thinking I'll start posting more chapter excerpts as I work to build anticipation. Follow me at place-that-ive-been-dreaming-of(dot)tumblr(dot)com. Be sure to stay hello if you stop by. I don't bite, I promise. Hope you all have a fabulous week. **


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